We’ve all been awkwardly interrupted during sex at some point. It’s just unavoidable. Sometimes the circumstances are more extreme (hoodlums peeing on the windshield while we’re giving head in the back seat of a car), but more often, the culprits of coitus interruptus are our modern day gadgets and gizmos. Technology is supposed to be making our lives better, but on more than one occasion it’s made our sex lives far worse. Oh, to never get another text message from mom and dad while you’re delving into anal play. This is the world we live in. Below, a few common scenarios of how technology can spoil your chance of achieving orgasm.
1. Unsexy TV. Sometimes you accidentally roll over onto the remote and turn Fox News on with your butt and suddenly, Glenn Back is your sex soundtrack. The horror.
2. A bad song. Beware of putting your iPod or iTunes on shuffle while you’re getting down because, well, Murphy’s Law. We guarantee that the ONE song you’re embarrassed of will come on and you’ll be getting your pussy eaten to Part Of Your World from the “Little Mermaid” soundtrack.
3. A bad commercial. There’s a commercial here in NYC for Carmel Car Service. The jingle goes “666-6666…The number 6!” It’s game over in bed once that ad comes on TV.
4. Face Time. Face Time is the greatest — except when you dial a friend accidentally while you’re on all fours taking it from behind.
5. A bad ring tone. It’s to be expected that one or both of you will get a text, phone call or email while in the middle of things. This is made far worse if A) one of you answers the phone or returns the text while you’re in mid-fuck or B) one of you has the world’s most ridiculous ring tone: “Me So Horny.”
6. Text from a parent. No one wants to think about their parents while they’re having a romp. That’s why it’s so disturbing when one of them texts you in the middle of the action. If your phone is near the bed, “Dad” and his text about Thanksgiving dinner will just be staring back at you.
7. Gchat. That distinctive Gchat ping can be heard through even the loudest of moans and like Pavlov’s dogs, we’ve been conditioned to ping back IMMEDIATELY. It doesn’t matter if we have a mouthful of penis.
8. An iPhone calendar reminder. You set it to to remind you to take your Birth Control pill, now it’s literally preventing you from getting pregnant by dinging like a mofo while you’re trying to procreate.