15 Things You Don’t Want To Know About Your Boyfriend’s Ex

lea322
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 10:36 am: [report]

This list doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense…or else it’s very specific to one relationship.

Stuff I don’t like to know is:
- we ate here all the time
- she wore that perfume too
- she gave me this (fill in object here)

Basically, any time he’s reminded of her and brings it up. Some stories are fine, but I neither want to hear that she was crazy or awesome, nor do I want to be compared to her.

tabby
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 10:43 am: [report]

Whenever they say All their ex’s were crazy, it makes me wonder. Every single ex can’t be bound for the nut-house, right?

joyy
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 10:53 am: [report]

I’m with @lea322 - this doesn’t make sense. Not all guys are so spineless that they view women (past or current) as domineering shebeasts that need to be tiptoed around.  I also don’t like how the tone looks down on some smart ideas (travel mugs for coffee vs disposables, keepers, etc).  Maybe the author should have written this in the context of things SHE doesn’t want to know about her bf’s ex, instead of an article that is headlined as something that is applicable to others.

My bf was with his ex for 7 years, and the only stuff I see of her still coming through is his love of Jewish food, fast cars, and sharp financial strategy (which was actually her parents’ influence, not hers).

Raugiel
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 10:57 am: [report]

Personally, I’d like to know #16 if it were true. Why waste my time if you aren’t ready to start a new relationship?

LunaLena
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]

Ugh, #12.  Substitute “oral” for “anal” and you have one of my exes.  I told him flat out that I didn’t like it, and he would always counter with “other girls I dated liked it.”  Well, gosh darn it, you weren’t dating them any more, you were dating me, and I’m not them!

CassieJo
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]

Whenever he says something like anything on this list, to our ears it sounds like “... and that’s why my ex is better than you.” 

Except I only hear what I want.  For example…

“She liked anal”  = “She was so ugly, I never wanted to #&@$% her face to face.”

Just turn it around.  He’s with you now, not her.  And if he wants to be with her, let it happen.  You’re better off without someone who has no consideration for your feelings.

LunaLena
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 11:08 am: [report]

@joyy - I don’t think the author is campaigning against good ideas like using reusable cups.  I think her point is, if the hypothetical boyfriend thinks his current girlfriend should change her ways, there’s no need to bring up the ex.  He could simply say something like “you know, Starbucks lets you bring in a travel mug instead of using the disposable mugs all the time.”  It’s like he’s comparing his current girlfriend to his ex, but in an unfavorable way, and even if you know you’re ten times better than his ex, it’s bound to make you feel inadequate in some way.

Riley
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 11:09 am: [report]

“16 Things Jessica Wakeman Doesn’t Want To Know About Her Boyfriend’s Ex.”

-Fixed it.

Besides, antidepressants are over-prescribed.  Just like every other pill we throw at life’s problems.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]

@Riley: Almost spot on.

“16 things Jessica Wakeman didn’t want know about her boyfriend’s ex, but now you do.”

Fixed it again.

lawyrgrl
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 11:38 am: [report]

Even worse when it’s an (almost) ex-wife.  Either work out a decent relationship with her so that you can co-parent or communicate through your lawyers!  Didn’t you have enough fighting when you were married?  Jeeze!!!!  And for the record, your “strategizing” is getting you NOWHERE.  Yes, she is a childish nutjob but playing her games is just going to prolong the situation.  Arrrrrgghh!!!!

*Thanks.  I feel better now.  I think I’ll just lie down for a while….*

tigerstripe
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]

My boyfriend can definitely be a huge dick about these things.  And number 12 is a huge inferiority complex for me, his last girlfriend could orgasm from anal.  :(

majicksand
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]

I have actually met the other three women my husband had any kind of real relationship with.  Bitch, Slut, and Psycho.  I know everything I need to know which is this: I’m the only decent woman he’s ever been with.

Seriously though, he spent most of his adult life before me with other women, and I spent mine with other men. (Nutjob and #&@$%):cheese:  There are things that stuck, good and bad, for both of us.  We both talk about our “past lives”, in moderation of course, because there’s no point in denying it happened. 

Bitch and #&@$% were the unhealthy obsessions that taught us how bad it is to be co-dependent.  Psycho and Nutjob taught us how to recognize and avoid “crazies”.  Slut?  Well she was just incentive to get a physical.  We are who we are because of our past experiences.  We cannot erase them nor should we.

theoldman
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 02:33 pm: [report]

@tabby there is an old song from my youth called “It Takes Two”. So if he thinks they are all nut jobs either he is a nut job or his choices in women are terrible. Either way you may be the next victim. Same for women who think all ex//bf’s are nutty/crazy/what ever.  Either one says that the SO has no ability to admit they do anything wrong.

#12 I would want to know if I were a woman because it says he is a control freak and if he pressures you has no qualms about degrading women.  You don’t push someone you love to do something they are not comfortable with. That shows a lack of respect and you should be ready to kick him to the curb.  There are a lot of good guys who aren’t as flashy and don’t exude toxic “animal magnetism AKA HOT” but are better for the long run.

Lawyrgrl sounds like a bad morning at docket call. Another day of my client is crazier than yours.

majicksand
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]

oops.  Can I get a$$hole through the censors?

mst3000jay
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 02:36 pm: [report]

Ralph Nader will make an “stellar” and awesome president. In fact I voted for him and will vote for him again—-

Miss Jessica—-do not try to impugn one of the country’s greatest minds who fights for us day in and day out in your worthless, repugnant piece of trash you call an article

Have you ever read about Mr. Nader’s life, read his books, heard him speak, or know his policies. I have. And he is 1000X a better candidate than what we have now—You obviously haven’t, never will, wouldn’t know and probably shamefully wouldn’t care—You are too engrossed in writing this unproductive tripe and garbage.

Go soak your head in mud lady—-you need it!

snap
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 02:43 pm: [report]

i agreee.  this list doesn’t really make since.  it’s so, so specific to jessica wakeman’s boyfriend’s ex.  it is just kind of senseless and weird to the rest of us.

PinkRanger
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 02:44 pm: [report]

mst3000jay: not everyone has the same political views. Sensitive much? I’m quite familiar with Ralph Nader, but I would never vote for him because his views and policies don’t match up with mine. Should I soak my head in mud too because I voted for someone you didn’t?

ootie
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 02:59 pm: [report]

I don’t really think the list is that specific to Jessica’s ex.  She saying she doesn’t want to her about the girls amazing qualities or weird beliefs, which I think most people can relate to. I don’t really want to hear about my boyfriend’s exes at all, although obviously it happens sometimes.

Riley
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 03:03 pm: [report]

@PinkRanger - You should soak your head in mud!

effing hickster
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 03:04 pm: [report]

@tigerstripe: And you believe that? From a guy’s standpoint, I think she was faking it just to get it over with.

Anal sex = ewwww (no way I’m sticking my penis in that)!

indieblu
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 03:12 pm: [report]

The one i hated was when my ex told me that he still had pictures of his ex on his computer for “security purposes “. Right before we were about to have sex. Needless to say i was not only turned off at that point, but was then paranoid about his computer, as she was his fantasy redhead ...

indieblu
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 03:14 pm: [report]

sry forgot to specify that they were naked pictures of his Ex.

writergirl
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 03:41 pm: [report]

I’m actually friendly with one of my husband’s ex’s.  We’re not like shopping buddies or whatever, but we’ll chat, go to lunch, swap books.  She’s an awesome baker and she has passed some great recipes over….We’re very much alike.

He has mentioned she’s into out of the norm sexual stuff—but I am not sure what he means by that.  He’s never suggested anything beyond the norm…so I’m not sure he was into whatever she was.  Or maybe he was and thinks I’m not.

Hmmm…now this post has me thinking….

beeper
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 03:42 pm: [report]

If my boyfriend ever brought up any of this stuff regarding his ex, I would show him the door and tell him to go back to her if she was so great. It’s just disrespectful.

Gingee
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 03:43 pm: [report]

Oh vey.

If the guy talks about anything that a former GF did or said, say goodbye.  He’s with you, he should adjust his life to making your life better and that means No Snotting over what a former gal did.

I would be out the door by the third word about this Ex GF. 

Anal sex again?  Any guy who mentions that is either into humiliation/pain or he is secretly gay and is dying to make it with another gay guy.  He’s on his own. 

From where do all these bloody freaks emerge?  Rhetorical.

Any gal who stays around this type of slob may as well wear a sign on her forehead that says, “You are in control of my life.”

lawyrgrl
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 04:06 pm: [report]

@theoldman You hit it right on the nose! 

ksdancer
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 04:20 pm: [report]

Everyone has their annoyances….listening to your b/f talk about an ex….well, you might gain some insight but no way should you change yourSELF or your thinking or way of doing things cuz some EX (repeat EX-g/f) did so-and-so and what-not.

My guy’s ex is a bisexual swinger (yeah, I met her) and I am the complete opposite. Is he with her? NO, he’s with me.

I agree with what @majicksand says…..“We are who we are because of our past experiences.  We cannot erase them nor should we.” AMEN TO THAT.

majicksand
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 05:15 pm: [report]

BTW, I mentioned I have met all of my husband’s “significant” exes.  He has also met mine.  We have a complicated history, but suffice to say we’ve known each other a long time.  I absolutely meant the “titles” I bestowed on all of them.  Part of the reason my husband and I are so happy to have found one another is that we both have terrible radar when it comes to SOs.

Thank God I never have to date again!

katnohat
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 06:06 pm: [report]

@Tigerstripe: the last GF is a LIAR!!!

painted_lady
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 06:23 pm: [report]

@tabby:  Right on! Any man who has all crazy ex-gf’s is either one of those guys who can’t take responsibility for his shortcomings in relationships (terrifying), likes crazy women (equally terrifying for very different reasons), or thinks that’s what you want to hear (incredibly immature). 

Personally, I like a man who can maintain a friendship with most, if not all, exes. It speaks to what he bases his relationships upon and how he deals with emotional trauma.  And when I told my bf that, he seemed relieved and started talking much more kindly about all of his exes (including an ex from high school I was friends with in college - they stay in touch more than she and I do, so I get updates from him, which is nice).

@Tigerstripe: Tell him your ex could, too, and you’d like to see how he measures up.

DancingGeek
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 06:25 pm: [report]

@gingee - it’s judgemental and even a bit homophobic to say if a guys likes anal he’s secretly gay- different strokes. 

And as far as it meaning a guy’s into humiliation/pain - it’s neither painful nor humiliating with a gentle, considerate partner.

develange
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 06:56 pm: [report]

I don’t want to hear ANYTHING about his ex. Ever. A guy who starts talking about his ex right when we start dating (and I never ask) is a red flag. He needs to be completely over it before he starts a new relationship. It’s so manipulative and douchy to say, “well, my ex did THIS…” Applies to both men and women.

Shiny Objects
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 07:07 pm: [report]

so I’m reading these and many of them (Though not all) strangely apply to me. Not sure how to feel about this.  Thought it was going to be a funny article about how I didn’t want to hear about his ex’s issues, but I’m starting to think the author is dating one of my ex’s…

Austin Artist
wrote on September 1 2009 @ 09:26 pm: [report]

OK, I have to call out Riley for being an insensitive jerk this time. And CheeeeEEse, too for going along with it and possibly planting similar thoughts in other reader’s minds. If you don’t like a particular Frisky writer, perhaps you should not click on their articles. Please, if you have nothing constructive to add to the discourse then keep it to yourself.

Reading Jessica’s writing has brought a smile to my face on many occasions, and these negative comments quickly erase it. Bye now.

Austin Artist
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 06:02 am: [report]

So last night I probably overreacted, but lately I’ve noticed there are so many posts on here that are really needlessly mean and definitely lacking constructive criticism. It got to the point I had to say something about it. If the comment is meant in jest then at least use a smiley

BlueVibe
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 09:07 am: [report]

Okay, I know his cat likes me better, I’m a better cook, and I can parallel park a stick-shift while wearing heels.  And none of that even matters because he definitely doesn’t miss her and definitely likes me better.

Furthermore, he knows he can tell me stuff about his ex and I won’t feel threatened and flip out.

Natalia
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]

@bluevibe Well said.

bumble_bee
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]

i made the mistake of clicking on “the keeper” ew, seriously, i think i’ll just stick to tampons. if any of you out there are using it, good for you, but, it is deffinately not for me. what if you bent over or did a somersault or something and it all spilled out?! ick!

BeASimpleMan
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]

Those of you berating the article obviously just don’t get it. I think the author was trying to portray 16 qualities guys would find awesome and thus create an “inferiority complex”, as one of the earlier posters said, in the current gf. I’m pretty sure I’ve read the same article from a guy’s standpoint, wherein every quality the theoretical girlfriend’s ex had made him look like a cross between Tom Brady, Brad Pitt and Barack Obama.

liliplaid
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 01:14 pm: [report]

My situation is tough, we are both young and he broke up with an older woman about 8 months ago. We just started dating and he brings her up alot, but i dont know if its because he misses her or just cuz she was older and introduced him to alot of stuff from music, to bars, to places to eat. We dont really do alot of those things since im not 21 yet. We’ll see how it goes.

danae
wrote on September 2 2009 @ 07:32 pm: [report]

“Whenever they say All their ex’s were crazy, it makes me wonder. Every single ex can’t be bound for the nut-house, right?”

I’m reminded of Despair.com ‘s “Dysfunction” ... The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you. (http://despair.com/dysfunction.html)

jfst
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 12:43 am: [report]

“12.  She didn’t need a Valium to fly.”

I had no idea that was in reference to anal sex-I honestly thought it was an aviation phobia.

Oh well…back to my sheltered world underneath a rock.

Jewels86
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 07:10 am: [report]

While I cant completely relate to the article, there are definitely some things my bf said when we first started dating that used to annoy me. Now we both talk freely about the past to remind us how much better we are together than with anyone else. We dont bring them up often, but its not as uncomfortable when we do because we know we want to be together. I think its almost healthy to use the past in moderation, to have a better future aka dont make the same mistake twice.

Its worse when his friends mention how hot his ex was then add “but you and him are way better together.”

well i feel better knowing she was super hot lol

@jfst: haha me too. you’re not alone. But perhaps its because I’ve never done anal lol

bjoontheupside
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 08:11 am: [report]

I didn’t really care for the list, but I get the idea behind it. I know it bothers me when my boyfriend brings up one ex in particular. Apparently she was just awesome as awesome can be! Well that’s all great, but might I really have to relive the glory moments every few months or so when he’s itching to make a comment about her? From what I know, she was his first love and they met during high school on the internet. He actually moved 16 hours away in order to be with her after he graduated. It apparently didn’t work out because she was so sweet and innocent and he was just a bastard back then. Lucky me, I guess.

freepeople1986
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 10:44 am: [report]

I agree with some of the other comments on here about not liking when men berate their exes.  I think it’s just as bad as praising them.

The bottom line is, as you get older, everyone has been w/someone else before.  I’m curious to know my boyfriend’s past, and I am aware that this past is going to include women who were in his life before me.  He’s with me now, isn’t he?  Why should it bother me so much? Now if my boyfriend continually rattled on a list of positives things about his ex, I’d consider it a red flag! Otherwise- and I hate to be hard- get over it.  Jealousy is a disease.

99girl
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 11:18 am: [report]

I don’t want to hear about her/them. Admittedly, I have always been an insecure person when it comes to relationships, so forget it. I already know enough about my husbands exes. I had a huge complex about one of them for several years. She was more beautiful, sophisticated, etc blah blah. Luckily I eventually found out she wasn’t as perfect as I thought.

dearface
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]

My only question is, is that iStock photo of the actress who plays Parker on Leverage?

chloe
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]

it bugs me when i find out he has had exs that were also tall and curly haired. it’s partly i want to be the first! and partly i don’t like that i’m just one of his “type”

veronicainla
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 03:04 pm: [report]

dear jessica: are you dating my exbf? lol. except i LURVE butter, so maybe not. but about 70% of those are so strangely spot on… O.o

jedichica
wrote on September 3 2009 @ 08:06 pm: [report]

Number 12? How is that related to Anal Sex? So confused…...

KristenwithaK
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 04:57 am: [report]

I was also baffled by number 12. Now all I can think of is the strange look on my boyfriend’s face when I gave him a book on airplanes (he was getting his aviation license) with an inscription written by me about flying…this explains a few things, lol.

Shriekback68
wrote on September 6 2009 @ 06:14 pm: [report]

What a strange, strange list. It’s so random as to be nearly irrelevant to the topic subject.

dantesgirl
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 01:07 pm: [report]

i don’t care to hear about my bf’s ex..well, the one anyway, the other two i can handle, but the one was a b***ch and i hate to hear about her. he never says anything good about her, but it hurts to hear of it because she totally devastated him.

QueenOfDiamonds
wrote on October 20 2009 @ 04:53 pm: [report]

I completely agree with dantesgirl!!! It’s like if she was such a witch and demon then why do you keep bringing her up?!?! Oh, don’t even make me start talking about his insane jealousy because she cheated on him with his best friend. Keyword: SHE. Not me. SHE.

Gloom
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 12:11 pm: [report]

I didn’t mind when my man brought his ex up and talked about her, because we were having a conversation about our past. If he mentioned her though, completely out of the blue, complimenting her, I would be pissed. Not that he hasn’t talked about her, but it had nothing to do with compliments or praise.

In fact, from what I heard, she was a complete bitch. She would tell him to grow some balls and become a man when he was loving and showed affection. Yes, you’ve read right. She would also get pissed at him and reject him whenever he couldn’t last too long during sex.

Now, I know he’s been through some hard times with me. I’m high maintenance, definitely not easy to deal with. But her? There’s no way she could make him happier than me.

FrozenFire
wrote on November 11 2009 @ 07:37 pm: [report]

Try putting up with a boyfriend going on and on about an objectively terrible ex, and still feeling like you’re coming up short. (And no, it wasn’t just bad-mouthing. She really was awful.) He wanted her back so badly that I felt worse than if he were heart-broken over a wonderful ex who was better than me in every possible way. At least then I would understand, and not be like, “If she was that bad and he prefers her, what does that say about me?”

birdieboots
wrote on November 19 2009 @ 02:06 pm: [report]

I don’t really want to hear anything at all about my boyfriend’s ex, except for how much his family likes me more, how much better I am at sex, and pretty much how I’m better than her at everything. XD

(Yes, I am that petty.)