First Time For Everything: The Gratifying One-Night Stand
Posted by: Anonymous
Filed in:
sex
10:00AM, Tuesday September 8th 2009
As a single lady who has lived in a big city for years, and now moved to a new one, I’ve had my fare share of one-night stands. I’d never call myself someone who makes a romantic life out of having a lot of random sex. In fact, my heart stands more on the traditional side where I look for sex after the relationship connection, knowing I usually wind up hurt in casual flings and that I actually disdain the thought of adding another one-nighter to my “list.”
Knowing human nature, it seems inevitable that the slip-up is bound to happen several more times (I tally five now). For the most part, these one-nighters have never been calculated. They’ve always happened when I’m emotionally vulnerable, usually from a breakup. The guys I’ve usually met in bars, and I stereotypically end up taking them home due to vodka goggles. At the end of each, I’ve woken up with a pounding headache, slightly startled by the aroma of male B.O. in my room, eventually recalling, in an embarrassing flashback, what occurred a few hours earlier. Ack!! Why did you do that? Did you really, really need to get laid last night? Sudden memory: Me saying to my girlfriend, “It is imperative I get laid right now.” Oops. I’m guilt-ridden for days. And I now also have to wash my sheets.
While I know I’ll never be one of those women who claims to be liberated by non-committal sex (do they even really exist?), I decided to look at things differently with a recent experience. A few nights ago, I was basically presented with the option. “You should meet my hot friend, Brad*,” a girlfriend in a different state told me. “He’ll be in your city for a few days.” Translation: “You can almost definitely have sex with nice dude if you want.” This, along with the facts that Brad lives halfway across the world, was in town for two days only, and knew I didn’t have a lot of friends in my new city, spelled perfect hookup. Not to mention that having a common pal greatly eliminated the chances of Brad being a psycho killer.
So when he did end up calling and asking to make plans a mere two hours before they would begin, I decided to run with the obvious. True, it had been a few months since my last hookup, but that wasn’t the motivation here. It’s not like I had been going around yelling, “I’m having a dry spell! I have to have sex right now.” But for the first time ever, I realized I had the opportunity to say to myself, “Do you want to consciously make the decision to do it tonight with a dude you’ll probably never see again?” Hmm ...
Of course, that would all be dependent on Brad’s true attractiveness level (Facebook lies all the time) and inclination toward douchebaggery. Things were clear from the moment we met that he surpassed requirements and we’d end up seeing each other naked. As Brad and I wandered around looking for a place to get a drink, we talked about being two strangers in an unknown city, and dove right into usually off-limits first date topics of past relationships, even the recent ones.
When I took Brad home, I knew there was no pressure to go through with things, but that, clearly, if he was at a girl’s house at 1 a.m. “for a nightcap,” he was into sexytimes. Realizing I held the cards, I became bolder with my flirting, and when we finally did get into bed, I threw away my usual body conscious thoughts, even getting to a point where I could see what he saw and liked about me. Up until then, I had never once felt completely OK with my naked body in front of a guy.
I would have normally dreaded the morning, the part where you have to fake an excuse to get a boy to leave (“I have to be at, um, this place, at, like 9:30”). Instead, when we woke up, I told him I’d had a nice time and that he should probably go now. He did so politely.
Brad himself might have been the kind of guy who could provide that pleasant experience, and it would seem I had just gotten lucky. But from my end, there was no luck involved at all.
*Obviously not his real name.
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lindseylee21
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 10:03 am: [report]
1. I’m glad he didn’t kill you.
2. I hope you used a condom.
3. I also hope he didn’t steal anything while you slept.
ooi0katzy0ioo
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]
I’ve never had a one night stand. I’ve heavily made out with guys that I barely knew, copped a feel over clothes… But I could never bring myself to actually have sex with some strange dude! I’m just not comfortable with being that intimate right off the bat!
slip
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 11:42 am: [report]
One of life’s unsung pleasures is when two people meet, have sex and part ways but still treat each other kindly and respectfully. I’ve done it under circumstances similar to those of our author. Years later, I remember those women very fondly—even though I know that I’ll never see them again—because of the circumstances, not despite them.
The world would be a far better place if we could accept the fact that people need to get laid regularly and there’s no reason to get all worked up about it.
Slip
Jenn27549
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 01:51 pm: [report]
@Slip: Agreed. And just b/c you had a one night stand with someone doesn’t mean they were a stranger. There were guys in my social circle that I was acquaintances with but never friends. Didn’t have their numbers, didn’t hang out, etc… (back before the days of cell phones and Facebook that was about it for communication!) If I found them attractive sober, when I got intoxicated at a party I’d make a move. No fuss, no muss. No relationship, no expectations. Just one night of sometimes great, sometimes terrible sex. Move on.
Ghirardelli
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 06:07 pm: [report]
I am not exactly one for casual sex but it sounded like you had a really nice time, and I am a little jello!
effing hickster
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 01:36 am: [report]
@lindseylee21: It would be easier just to steal her car while she paid for dinner! But then again, he’d lose out on the one-night-stand.
Terrance Dejuan McCoy: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2009/08/31/2009-08-31_worst_date_ever_he_ditches_her_sticks_her_with_the_check__and_drives_off_with_he.html
effing hickster
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 01:40 am: [report]
I forgot to say…The successful one-nighter is nice, but a successful summer fling is even better!
yesaguy
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 05:20 am: [report]
wow, some of yall can get pretty brutal, but i understand their is alot of bad guys out their, BUT TRUST ME SOME OF US NICE GUYS MEET CRummy women. I feel if you let the women take role on if she wants it that night ( i mean any guy with half a brain can tell ) but at the same time if she doesnt and you respect her in every way of not pushing that matter, it most always works out better in the end any way.
majicksand
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 04:23 pm: [report]
I’ve had a few drunken one-night stands. I always felt crappy the morning after too. Friends with benefits is better. I had a friend who would call occasionally (or I would), generally right after a break-up. We both knew “wanna go to dinner?” was code. No expectations. Sometimes not even a phone call for months. I’m married now, so we no longer “go to dinner”, but we’re still friends. And yes, my husband knows everything.
Ginger
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 11:20 pm: [report]
I’ve only ever had one one-night stand. It was the night I graduated from high school and a friend’s friends came from out of state to see him.
Me and one of the friends hit it off. He ended up kcciking people out his truck-thing and I told our mutual friend that that if there was anything I should know, he should tell me now.
There was nothing. We started going at it and he was shocked (because I was a girl) that when he said ‘Here today, gone tomorrow’ I responded with a resounding “F*** yeah!”
Ten or fifteen minutes later I was fully satisfied and feeling pleasantly wanton.
Then our friend came back, said ‘over so soon’ and I, not thinking went “I dunno. Ask him.”
So even if I was going to see the guy again, I’m pretty sure I blew my chances at another fifteen minutes.
yesaguy
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 05:53 am: [report]
haha ( ginger ) haha na dont think you blew your chance with him agin, but yea i dont think that was the best replie. ” we forgive alot of things, that we dont ever say anything about ” women do to on the flip side.
Perceptible
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]
Hmmm… I can’t wrap my brain around sex without love. Call me old fashioned (or whatever else you like) but sex without love is like going into a swimming pool without any water, you can still go in but it just isn’t the same.
SpecialK
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 11:06 am: [report]
Single Girl Vacation One Night Stands Rock…especially when brought about by a guy 1/2 your age ;~>
freddymerckx
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 11:23 am: [report]
They’re not One Night Stands, they’re AUDITIONS!!
slip
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 11:47 am: [report]
@Perceptible, it’s the absence of love that sets the stage for the kind of ONS I described. When you have no one in your life (or on the horizon) and you find yourself craving affection, sometimes the gods send along a kind, attractive stranger who’s in the same state. If you’re inclined, you can help each other get through it. You’d be amazed at how tender it can be.
And you’d be amazed at how much it helps you face the world until you can get what you really want. Almost everyone is a better human being if they’ve gotten laid recently.
Slip
Queen Frostine
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 12:17 pm: [report]
@Slip, I’m afraid I have to agree with Perceptible. For me, I cannot be intimate with someone without love or a strong emotional bond. Yes, I’ve been single with no one in my life and craved affection. But hooking up where there’s no love is not in my capacity. For me, sex is such an intimate act that I can’t bring myself to have it with just anyone. And I don’t feel that sexual gratification through one night stands helps everyone “face the world” when single. Some of us can be equally happy being celibate or with a little self-pleasure.
I know that everyone won’t agree and I respect that, but it’s just against my personal morals.
slip
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 02:20 pm: [report]
@Queen Frostine (and @Perceptible), it doesn’t work for everyone. We have to go where our moral compasses send us.
Slip
erikasf
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 02:24 pm: [report]
I was able to have pleasurable one-nighters when I was single. The casual flings that lasted a few months were usually even better. It was always a guy I was attracted to, but didn’t quite have enough in common with to be committed. Some women can enjoy sex without love. But, no one needs to embrace casual sex to be liberated. I think experiencing orgasm is always liberating, whether it is in the context of marriage or a first-names only encounter.
Ginger
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 03:00 pm: [report]
@yesaguy I had only said that because he had taken the lead so I was like ‘Well, he was kind of in charge here’. I actually liked that it was shorter! Give me a good quickie over the guy who’s proud of his ability to last two hours any day.
And one night stands/physical only relationships don’t work for everyone, just like commitment doesn’t work for everyone. I don’t understand why people get married or go on dates. But as long as everyone is safe and happy it doesn’t really matter.
develange
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 09:18 pm: [report]
I used to be really into casual sex, but it gets old. Orgasms are also less likely to happen, for me at least. Having a #&@$% buddy can be grand, until one side says he/she want more. ruh roh.
Ginger
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 09:38 pm: [report]
@develange That’s why I always have casual sex with other people who usually only have casual sex. If they show the slightest sign of actually liking me or being the sort who is saying they want casual sex in the hopes that I’ll change my mind, I won’t sleep with them.
I’ve found that it makes things a lot easier.
lostitearly
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 06:21 am: [report]
The best thing for a one-nighter is if HE’s visiting—-and you hit up a hotel room—-he doesn’t find your house, not so many worries about stalking, etc. Besides, I carry.
If you both know it is casual, it is lots and lots of fun—-no pressure as to whether you really want to keep doing something you wanted to try, no worries about long-term fallout.
And casual sex is cool. Sorry, my head gets in the way with relationships, but given basic talent, I can enjoy myself just fine with a ONS
slip
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
@lostitearly, you carry? That’s hot.
Slip
Gingee
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 07:10 am: [report]
Don’t go for that sort of stuff. Casual sex might be all right, but not with some stranger in a bar.
A cha-cha, yes, but you know him: And you know that he is a good guy and is disease free, and he’s not a serial killer.
Taking some stranger home is way too risky for this gal.
joyful
wrote on September 26 2009 @ 04:07 pm: [report]
I’ve had five one-night stands, all of whom were either friends-of-friends or guys I knew from school…two were nothing to write home about (both times because of waaaay too much beer), one was pretty decent, and two have been ridiculously, mind-blowingly hot. So hot that we did it again in the morning. I guess this isn’t true for everyone (at least not to the point that you’re willing to go out and do something about it), but sometimes I just really need to get laid. I’m definitely more of a relationship person, but I look back fondly on those fun spontaneous times. I just see them as proof of the power of pure sexual chemistry. Sex in the context of a loving relationship is soooo good for so many reasons, but you can’t deny the thrill of getting naked with a hot semi-stranger.