Something tells me she thinks MILF stands for Mothers I Love on Facebook. [BuzzFeed]

My Facebook page has been taken over by FarmVille updates. So-and-so just harvested their stock! Your friend just sold his wares! Help your neighbor scare off crows! And on, and on, and on. The game is sweeping the social networking world and, apparently, running people’s lives. One man gets up in the middle of the night in order to harvest his crops. A husband made his hungry, pregnant wife wait while he tended to his raspberries. Conversations revolve around FarmVille coins and experience rankings. Really?!!

It’s like red-eye corrector but for your yellow teeth! According to a recent study (via Teen Vogue) white teeth actually make you hotter (no, uh, kidding), confident and more likely to get hired (legit, yo). So, let’s get us some pearly whites—at least the after-the-fact photo kind! Did you know Crest has a Facebook tool that instantly whitens up your teeth in photos? It’s called the Whiten-Up! app, and it’s high time we all start bleaching it up. Check out what it looks like, above. It’s pretty easy to do, but just don’t go too white—no one wants to have glowing teeth. [Crest Whiten-Up!]

Last week, I had the pleasure of sipping Earl Grey at the Russian Tea Room while listening to Anna Post (Emily’s great-great-granddaughter) and anthropologist Genevieve Bell discuss etiquette as it pertains to technology. The event was hosted by Intel, which just completed a study on tech etiquette that shows that people believe there are unspoken rules when it comes to technology use, but we haven’t been able to agree on what those are.

Anna and Genevieve spoke to these differences in opinion, agreeing that we’re in a transitional period. There’s no clear-cut answer to the question, “Can I use my phone in the bathroom? just yet. Mobile devices and programs, like Facebook and Twitter, are still relatively new, and society needs a little more time to figure out how to be polite about using them. But Anna did share some advice. ...

Emily wouldn’t ever buy a car that wasn’t American. Sure, she drives a Volvo, but her parents paid for that. Dad apparently doesn’t like Emily’s attitude and says he’ll sell her car if she’s not going to appreciate it. Oh, she appreciates it. She let Darius splooge all over the seat. LMAO! Oops. [BuzzFeed]

Where would we be without social networking sites? We’d never know that the cheerleader who made fun of us in high school got fat, or that the boy who pulled our pigtails in elementary school got married to the girl who gave our boyfriend chlamydia in college. You’d have no idea that the world was so small, that your best friend is currently “totally stressing,” or that your mother knew how to upload pictures. And who do we have to thank for these little joys? The men of MySpace, Twitter, and Facebook, of course, who all happen to be smart, wealthy and hot! Even though Rupert Murdoch (who bought MySpace for $580 million) said the site is for stalkers, and Facebook is rife with Obama haters who want him dead, and Twitter hasn’t earned a single dollar in revenue, these are our boys. And we know just what to do with them.

The other day I was reading the personal blog of an old acquaintance of mine who’s currently going through a rather painful breakup. She’s in her mid-30s, has been married at least once before and has children from two different men, so clearly this is a road she’s at least a little familiar with, which is why I was so surprised by her most recent breakup confession. She wrote on her blog that the hardest thing she’s done so far — that one thing that has made this breakup “real” in her mind — was changing her Facebook status from “in a relationship” to “single.” Really? I thought. It wasn’t telling him you can’t see him anymore, or getting the key to your apartment back from him, or returning the clothes he kept in the corner of one of your dresser drawers that made you realize how over and done your relationship is? It was changing a line in your Facebook profile that sealed the deal for you and made it real?

Here’s the saddest news ever: Holly Grogan, a 15-year-old Catholic schoolgirl in Britain, jumped off a road bridge and killed herself last week, allegedly after a barrage of mean messages on her Facebook wall appeared. Her parents blame “cyberbullying” and said in a statement, “Holly struggled to cope with the huge pressures placed upon her by the modern complexities of ‘friendship groups’ and social networking. Every responsible parent will empathize with our constant battle to instill self-belief and confidence in our children.” [NY Daily News]

Gossip is to high school as dry kindling is to fire—it doesn’t take much for things to get heated. And now with technology and the internet, we can only imagine that it’s like throwing kerosene on the blaze thanks to IM, Facebook, Twitter, you name it. That’s where ThatsNotCool.com steps in, a rad website for teens looking for help with uncomfortable online disrespect or textual harassment. In the mix: videos of “Crank Yankers”-type puppets considering questions like, “What should I should I do if my girlfriend texts too much?” and “My boyfriend keeps asking for nude photos, what should I do?”

Uh ... OK, so maybe we’re reading That’s Not Cool because we have the same issues, too. We’re especially loving on the Callout Cards section which features cheeky sendables, à la Someecards style, with phrases like, “Now that you’ve violated my e-mail account, I won’t feel bad dumping you,” and “You must be proud to have nothing to do but IM me all day.” Like, yeah. [ThatsNotCool.com]

Before you watch the “Good Morning America” clip above, take a guess as to what a “retrosexual” is. According to the fine folks of morning TV, is it:

A) A person who fetishizes “Mad Men”?
B) Someone who dates a past love whom they reconnected with via Facebook?
C) A person who has sexual relations in the manner done during ancient times?

The answer, after the jump.

Poor Tracy! Overwhelmed with the excitement of getting laid over the weekend, she quickly sent a Facebook message — or what she thought was a message — to the lucky guy who broke her sex drought, not realizing she accidentally updated her status with the racy note. “I must admit,” she wrote, “I haven’t had sex in a while, so getting mounted by such a strong and powerful man was a pleasant surprise after so many long months of abstinence.” About an hour after posting the update, Tracy wrote in a comment beneath the update: “Oh no! Somebody please tell me how to erase this!!! I wrote inside the wrong box! How embarrassing :( ” It turns out Tracy mistakenly invited all her friends to “the love-cave-between-my-legs.” Oops! [via BuzzFeed]

Troubled British teen Keeley Houghton, 18, has scored three months in a young offenders’ institute for bullying Emily Moore, via the internets. Keeley used her Facebook page to call Emily numerous names and even threatened to kill her. One of her attacks said, “Keeley is going to murder the bitch.” It’s unclear why this crazy girl has such a vendetta but she’s been targeting Emily since the two were 14. Keeley has previously gotten into trouble with the law for assaulting this same girl and kicking in the front door of her house…

One of the first times I went on a date with a girl, she asked me, “Are you bi or gay?”

“Well, I’m still figuring that out,” I told her.

Her response was: “I knew you were too good to be true.” I then fell all over myself in an effort to explain to her that, although I was unsure about how to define my sexuality, I was definitely into girls, more so than I’m into guys. I am not and have never been bi-curious, bi for attention or bi only when men are around. Since then, I’ve figured out that I’m solely into girls. So I guess I wasn’t too good to be true, huh?

But, alas, in parts of the gay community, being bi or being a lesbian who has hooked up with guys in the past is like having horns or an incurable disease.

Iconic New York City boutique, Henri Bendel is embracing the future. Instead of the standard slim mannequins draped in high end gear, the Fifth Avenue store has hired live models for their display windows. These girls are not posing for your viewing pleasure, instead, they are Facebooking. (And you thought it was tough working at Hollister...) How to participate and win a Bendel’s shopping spree, after the jump…

We think Brandon Griggs pretty much nailed it in this awesome article for CNN about the 12 most annoying types of Facebookers. My personal most-hated Facebooker? The ugly picture poster. (Come on girl, you know full well that I look like Jay Leno in that pic so why did you tag it for all the world to see?) In fact, we think there are way more than 12 annoying Facebook personalities. See if you agree with us. 

I’ve seen some things on Facebook that I wish I hadn’t. Last night, I was cruising my homepage when some pictures of my ex popped up in my newsfeed. We broke up years ago, so I thought to myself, “Why not? You can look. Who cares?” Apparently, I do. When I saw the pics of him and his girlfriend looking madly in love, I became insanely jealous. WTF? I’ve been over this guy for forever, so why was I so upset? Well, blame it on Facebook. According to a new study, the more time one spends on Facebook, the more likely she is to feel jealous toward her romantic partners, leading to more time on Facebook searching for additional information to fuel the jealousy. It’s an escalating cycle that may become addictive. So, I’m restricting my Facebook usage, lest I become like that girl who sent crazy emails to her BF while he was away in Europe. [Eureka Alert]

After the jump, cautionary tales of Facebook-inspired jealousy.

Airbrushing: It used to be only for average-sized women on ladymag covers and Gisele’s pregnant belly. Now, according to The Sun, some Facebookers are touching up their personal photos to plump boobs, flatten bellies, and whiten teeth. One British photography shop said customers who want their photos airbrushed have increased 550 percent.

Twitter is down for the count. The massive social stalking site, depended on by 45 million bored office workers, celebrity-obsessed girls and tech-savvy geeks, is down due to “a denial-of-service attack.” People who perpetrate attacks like this use millions of computers to access a specific site. The site can’t handle the massive increase in new users and has to shut down. I could let this slide if the rest of my social-networking sites were working. But, horror of horrors, Facebook and LiveJournal are having issues, too! This is kind of like a social apocalypse. Looks like I’m going to have to work on that report I’ve been procrastinating on after all. Or pretend it’s 2003. I wonder how Friendster’s doing? [Washington Post]

Ever logged into Facebook and gotten excited about a new friend request, only to be greeted by a pervy stranger who is coincidentally also single? Well, those days are behind us ‘cause Facebook has removed the option to search members by their relationship status. This is great news for those of us who want to use the site to meet ... people we already know. But for those of you who looking to score a date (or whatever), Facebook isn’t leaving you too high and dry—there are still several Facebook dating apps that can help you sort through hotties. I am just so glad to see a social networking site listening to its members. I guess they finally learned a thing or two from Craigslist. [All Facebook]