Break-ups are tough enough as it is, but a heartbreak during the holiday season is particularly excruciating. Nobody wants to be surrounded by gushy holiday cheer bullshit when their heart is torn in two. Here’s what to buy for that fantastic, talented, loving, newly single friend of yours who deserves way better than her ex anyway.
Flash mobs — aka huge gatherings of people singing and dancing in unison with the purpose of expressing some intimate sentiment in a public, attention-grabbing way — pretty much jumped the shark when one appeared at the end of that Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis movie, “Friends With Benefits.” But flash mob breakups? Now that’s a twist I can get behind. Watch Sarah get her heart ripped out by boyfriend Alan’s jazz hands in this hilarious parody. [YouTube]
Everybody needs a little KFC, am I right? A lovesick 26-year-old woman sought comfort in fried food at KFC after breaking up with her boyfriend (we’ve all been there, girl!). The next step of the grieving process usually involves ice cream, sad movies, and sometimes a bottle or two of wine, but Tan Shen, from China’s southwest Sichuan Province, couldn’t seem to pry herself away from the fast-food joint when the time came to call it a night. Read more on Tres Sugar…
Yesterday, while I was getting ready to go to CostCo with my boyfriend, Michael, I told him a story a friend had told me about how much her dad hated her grandfather. I said, “I wonder what it’s like to have parents who you really deep-down hate.” Then I paused and thought about it, and said, “Well, I hated my in-laws.”
And for the first time in the last two years, I felt a sudden and very real sense of dissonance in saying that. I felt too young to say something like “I hated my in-laws,” in the past tense; as in, I had in-laws. As in, in my life, I have had in-laws, but now, I do not have in-laws. Keep reading »
The first man I ever fell in love with was eight years older than me. He was on probation for stealing a video game, and his fingertips smelled like cigarettes and shellfish, having spent most evenings washing dishes at a seafood restaurant. At one point, he kept going to work even though his boss had stopped paying him. “Why don’t you start looking for a new job?” I asked.
“Cuz it’s fun just chillin’ with the boys, smoking cigarettes in the back,” he told me.
Jeff wouldn’t find another job for nine months, mostly because his unemployment allowed him to sit in front his PlayStation all afternoon. At age 26, he still lived with his dad, but couldn’t be bothered to sleep in the spare bedroom because all of his crap — a graveyard of sporting equipment he lost interest in and old surf tees — was piled so high, he couldn’t find the bed.
Instead, he slept on a makeshift bed-couch in the living room. It was here, with his father bumbling in to ask, “What’s going on?” that I lost my virginity. Keep reading »
Cassandra, a 19-year-old from Toronto whose relationship recently ended, is dealing with her post-breakup reverie by photoshopping Beyonce’s face over her ex in old pictures. Her Tumblr page, Beyoncify My Boyfriend, is an ode to lost love and, most importantly, Beyonce’s badassery. It’s a gallery of her greatest times with her former man made a thousand times better by Bey’s appearance (yes, the bad quality of her photoshopping is intentional). As her Tumblr reads, “Breakups suck. You know what makes them easier? Reimagining your happiest times together with none other than Queen B.” I couldn’t agree more. Cassandra’s ex found the site and is less than pleased, but that doesn’t seem to be phasing her. She’s now taking requests from other ladies to Beyoncify their ex-boyfriends. Hero status. [BuzzFeed] [Image via Tumblr]