Does Going On The Pill Curse A Potential Relationship?

Raugiel
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 09:45 am: [report]

Why on earth would you go OFF the pill once you were on? Granted, I started taking the pill early for irregular periods, so I have always had that very good reason to keep taking them. But still… once you’re in the routeen, just never get out of it and it will never be an issue.

*sam*
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 09:48 am: [report]

Have you ever considered just talking to him about it? I’m pretty sure putting your willingness out there for open communication is not going to jinx anything.

hlnbabe
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]

@Raugiel: I disagree. I don’t like having additional crap in my body that nature didn’t give me. So if I’m not in a relationship, I don’t want to be on the pill. If you’re guaranteeing my plenty of sex, yea I’ll suck it up because I don’t want to be pregnant (yet!), but otherwise no need to spend money and put hormones in your body. I use condoms to protect from STDs, then once the relationship is committed, I’ll suck it up and start on the pill again.

bethlynn00
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]

Maybe it’s just me, because I am paranoid about not using condoms, so even when I’m in a relationship, it is a must for me, because I know so many people who got an STI while they were in a “committed” relationship, but I also think you should have backup pregnancy prevention, so I think being on the pill or some type of B.C. is necessary.  I guess I’m not one to give advice on the pill, since I have been on it forever, even when I’m not having sex.

Oh Kathryn!
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]

You should stop being stupid and go on the pill. I’d much prefer a ‘cursed’ relationship than an accidental pregnancy.

fleurdelis
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]

This site is great and I love reading it, so I’d be really careful with what you’re implying here - that just because you start dating and sleeping someone you can stop using protection? Pregnancy is the very least of your worries if you’re dating someone who you haven’t had a discussion about being tested/monogamous/waited a long enough amount of time that testing even counts.

BlueVibe
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]

I was going to say just that: That a pregnancy scare is a way bigger relationship jinx than the pill!

Catherine Strawn
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:02 am: [report]

@ EVERYONE: Amelia didn’t say she’s not using protection. I think what she was trying to say is that while she isn’t a fan of condoms, she isn’t quite ready to go on the pill b/c it would signal to the guy that she thinks their relationship has gone to the next level of serious.

writergirl
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:11 am: [report]

I am presuming that you go on the pill, tell the guy, and then you break up a short time later and you think they are taking the fact you went on the pill as you are more serious in the relationship.  Am I somewhere in the ballpark?

Then the easy way to solve it, is just stay on the pill.   In terms of the new guy….Just don’t say anything.  If/when you are ready to stop using condoms, and he asks about BC, just say, “Yes, I am on the pill.”  He doesn’t know your complete gynocological history, right?  He doesn’t need to know you only went on it with the sole purpose of boning him sans condom.  He’ll probably assume that you’ve been on the pill since HS, like most women and not give it a second thought.

whatshesays
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]

I’m in a committed relationship and at the beginning, I wasn’t on the pill. The condom broke one night- as they do on occasion- and one single experience with Plan B was more than enough to convince me that daily low-dose hormones are much better than having to take the morning-after pill (which should NOT be a regular fall-back plan for anyone!).

And of course, there’s the IUD if you have a reaction to the hormones.

Erin G
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]

I don’t see why you don’t just stay on the pill consistently. Getting all depressed and going off the pill is such a temper tantrum move. “Wah, what’s the point?” is like a personal pity-party.

Additionally, its pretty bad for your body to go through hormone rollarcoasters by consistently going off and on the pill like you are. Maybe the constant fluctuation of hormones is affecting your personality/mood in a subtle way that you don’t even notice, but is one of the reasons the guys just don’t work out?

brandyalexander
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:36 am: [report]

Amelia, there are actual scientific reasons why the pill may confuse your relationships.  When we look for a mate, subconsciously, we sense, through pheremones, when a man has different DNA patterns that compliment our own, and increase our likelihood of giving birth to healthy children.  Hormones in the pill, however, mimic the hormones you create during pregnancy.  So the men you are attracted to on the pill are more likely to be genetically similar to you, meaning that, in caveman days, they are part of your tribe and will protect you and your child.  I found that when I came off of the pill, my patterns of attraction changed, and I found myself less attracted, sexually, to my boyfriend who I met when I first went on the pill.

brandyalexander
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:40 am: [report]

And, yeah, everyone else should calm down a little about the condom thing.  I despise them as well.  If both partners are honest with each other about sexual history, there is no need to freak out about condoms.  If you don’t trust someone, maybe you shouldn’t be putting his penis inside your body.  Any man worth getting naked with is trustworthy and open to direct communication about stds, pregnancy, and how the two of you would handle a pregnancy if it were to happen.

anin
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:41 am: [report]

I totally know what you mean and agree with the whole ‘waiting until you’ve said the L word to go on the pill’ thing.
If your not ready to have a talk about how serious this is and the implications saying “It’s ok I’ve started taking the pill again” just yet I would say go on it, use it as a back up and go with pulling out until your a little more comfortable.

Women Be Trippin
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:53 am: [report]

Going on the pill mixes up your emotions, even if you’re on the mildest of mild pills. If you go on the pill and the dude isn’t prepared for that emotional change, then he’s in for a roller coaster couple of months.

Lynn
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 11:03 am: [report]

I think if you go on the pill and tell the guy that you’re starting it back up right after you started dating him, then it seems pretty clear to him that you’re going on it for him, assuming that you guys will last long enough to make it worth going on the pill for him and frankly, that could scare a guy when you’re just casual. It would scare me if I was in his situation and still thought we were keeping things chill.

I’m with the gals who say just stay on it regardless of your relationship status. You’re confusing your body by yanking it on and off the pill, and if you’re on it from the beginning you won’t be putting that kind of pressure on him. And if you do want to go on/off depending on your relationship status, don’t tell him that. I think you need to go on the pill (to protect yourself during sex) before he needs to know why you’re on the pill (because you’re pinning your hopes on the two of you)

bethlynn00
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 11:06 am: [report]

@brandyalexander: Just to be realistic, you can trust someone till the cows come home, and that doesn’t mean that you can’t still get burned.  Many times people don’t know they have anything, so them telling you they are clean or whatever, could be true because they don’t know otherwise.  There is a window for most STI’s, for HIV it’s up to 3 months, and in that time is when they are at the highest risk for transmission to their partner.  So potentially you could go an get tested with your partner and still be at risk. 

That is a major problem with prevention strategies is that people think STI/HIV prevention is about trust and really it is about self-awareness and taking responsibility for you.  There was just a story on 20/20 about all these women who got infected with HIV by a partner and you know they all kept throwing around the phrase, “I trusted him”.  Good people make bad decisions, so insisting on condoms is not a trust issue.  I am an HIV case manager and I have had lots of women (we are one of the fastest growing groups for new HIV infections) who have said they didn’t insist on using condoms, because they trusted their partner and talked about their sexual history and these women have not been sex workers, they’ve been of various races and ages and yet here they are, so sometimes we trust the wrong people. 

Plus the article does make it seem as though condoms where no longer being used, “I eventually decided to go on the pill. I loathe condoms. And while much evidence shows that the withdrawal method, when practiced properly, is as effective as condoms, I didn’t love putting that effectiveness in the hands of someone else. So I went on the pill. I think that is the part that caught everyone off guard.

brandyalexander
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 11:13 am: [report]

OK, Bethlynn, in many ways I get that.  My best guy friend is has had HIV since he was a child, and so I care a lot about people becoming infected.  So I guess that was a wrong statement for me to put out there. 
I do know that it takes a few months for HIV to show up in the body.  That’s why I get tested.  When I was in a long term relationship, though, we did without the condoms and relied on the pill.  At what point to you switch over to trusting someone, and really being justified in that trust?  I mean, there are married people who become infected when their spouses cheat on them.  I’m not trying to be controversial, I just think that for me, there comes a time when I just have to trust that other person.  I guess you take a risk with that choice, and maybe its a proverbial leap of faith.  I haven’t been burned by that choice though, so I guess that’s where my optimism comes from.

bethlynn00
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 11:27 am: [report]

@brandyalexander: ok, I should say that one of my friend’s gave her man the key to her apartment and car after 2 months and swore they were in love after about 3 weeks and they are going strong still after 4 years, no problems (of course secretly they make me want to vomit with their co-habitable bliss), so you know for some people things work out, not every man is a walking STI or vice versa, I agree with that.  I just happen to be an eternal pessimist (thanks mom), so sometimes my suspicions take precedent over everything else.  I don’t think it’s wrong to trust your partner and make an informed decision within the relationship about sexual practices, that’s a great thing, but then I think you have to think about the consequences of those actions.

brandyalexander
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 11:55 am: [report]

Agreed

Raugiel
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 01:07 pm: [report]

@ hlnbabe - I think some other folks have meantioned this, but I think going on and off the pill frequently is worse than having something and sticking too it. There is also the IUD, which has gotten better over time. I have a couple friends who got them within the last year or so and are very happy and extra-hormone free.

sportzriter13
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 02:46 pm: [report]

I don’t quite see the link here. I’ve been on the pill since my junior year of HS and to the best of my knowledge, have not had any relationships cursed. The one I was in at that time wasn’t any good, and couldn’t end soon enough. If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be.
My boyfriend is well aware that I am on the pill; he’s happy that there won’t be any little J’s running around and that I’m not suffering from wicked PMS.
Before the pill I would miss/leave early from school once every month or two. My only regret is not being able to start it sooner.

Jenbug
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 03:55 pm: [report]

I heart the IUD but it is best used in a long term monogamous relationship because it does make it easier to develop scary things like Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Your boyfriend ruining your baby parts will probably curse the relationship more than the pill.

meme311
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 04:03 pm: [report]

oh my god, i thought i was the only one who had this “problem”!  I went through a long dry spell in college once, and it seemed that as soon as i stopped taking the pill, i was having [more[ sex than i was while i was on! then, once i got back on, i went through another dry spell, and the cycle has continued…. even if i run out of condoms, as soon as i go pick up more, its like an automatic signal goes out and i dont have sex again for months. However, now that i’m older, and not looking to just hook up, i am back on the pill and will just take it as it comes. Better safe than sorry!

impoddity
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 04:46 pm: [report]

@brandyalexander:  I read a few studies about the whole “attracted to genetically similar people”.  It’s kind of interesting to think about how we’re manipulating the biology of our bodies.  I wonder, if all the women on hormonal contraception stopped for a certain amount of time, would their relationships change (positive or negative)?  Now that would be a study I’d like to read about…..

hlnbabe
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 06:11 pm: [report]

@Raugiel: Yea I’ve thought about an IUD, but my gyno says that they aren’t as effective in women who haven’t had children. Also, going off and on the pill has no affect. Otherwise people who forgot to take their pill a lot would be very ill. I understand everyone’s point to just stay on it all the time, I was just arguing that not everyone likes to have unnecessary hormones in their body since you’d be using a condom in the beginning of a relationship anyways to prevent disease. I know they break and yada yada, but my sister beat the pill, and my cousin’s son beat the pill so I mean if a baby happens its gonna happen and I’ll enjoy less hormones in body as long as possible.

Btw, does anyone use NuvaRing? It changed my life. So easy to use, you can’t forget, and it’s uber low dose so less hormones floating in your body! Haha I sound like I work for them, but I don’t I just loved it when I was on it.

lanceypantsy
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 07:23 pm: [report]

just stay on the pill between relationships… that way you’ll never feel the need that being on the pill equals commitment therefore ruining what you have. and it might ease the pain and worry you have by starting from the beginning of a relationship.

afsweetstuff72
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 09:16 pm: [report]

The withdrwal method is no where close to wearing a condom. 
@bethlynn00 had the right idea.  This isn’t something to fool around with. 
And these dry spells you exerience might be the way you act when you want it?  Maybe you have a more care-free, “#&@$%” attitude when you DON’T THINK you’re going to get laid?  Just a thought.

mmkw
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:23 pm: [report]

As far as superstitions go, i believe the exact same thing about the landscaping. I swear that if I was to lazy to upkeep, somehow men sense it and things get exciting. If I wax or shave, not the case.

One thing that I’ve noticed with being on the pill is that certain pills affect me differently. Even between yaz and yasmin. I liked them both but on yasmin my sex drive was VERY low and on yaz it was through the roof. I’m pretty sure that yaz has lower levels of hormones so maybe that allows my testosterone levels to spike higher than on yasmin, but I digress. The point is that, for me, the pill can change my sex drive and that can DEFINITELY make or break a relationship.

stringbeans
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 11:39 pm: [report]

the pill stick/implanon (although it might be called something else in the us). cheap as, most effective and you dont have to think about it for three years.

prgirl
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 03:47 am: [report]

I’m with you Amelia!  the Pill has “cursed” every single one of my relationships.  What happens to some women(obviously not all, but enough that it is well documented)is that the pill alters the way we react to our boyfriend’s scent, so what we use to find attractive may not be so much anymore and it can also interfere with sex drive (again, not in every single user, but it is a side effect).  So if you mix the above with a new love/sex relationship, it may be harder to get through a rough spot since you might not feel as attracted to him as you once were and you don’t have months or even years of commitment to see you through what might otherwise be no big deal.  Of course I use other protection, and I have been happier, and in a great relationship, ever since.  That said, my theory could be totally crap:) I am not a medical doctor…Good Luck!

majicksand
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 08:22 am: [report]

Soooo glad I don’t have to worry about this crap anymore.  After this baby, one of us is getting fixed!

SCRMOM
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 04:03 pm: [report]

@majicksand:  I had a tubal after our 3rd.  Very easy and nice not to have to worry about BC anymore.  Congrats on your pregnancy!

majicksand
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 04:24 pm: [report]

@scrmom:  Thank you.  It’s not official just yet though.  All the signs are there, but we won’t be sure til the end of the month.

stormfaery7
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 09:38 pm: [report]

My personal story with the withdrawl method is not a good one. I got pregnant at sixteen and decided to get an abortion. I have never been off birth control since; I am not going through that again until I am ready to be pregnant.

alexadean
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 10:19 pm: [report]

i used to think that telling my ex (who i’m pretty good friends with) that i was seeing someone new was my curse. over and over, i would tell him… “well i’m actually seeing someone now”... and amazingly after i did, everything would fall to shambles, within a week or two.

and then i met a great guy… and we started dating… and three months later, when pictures of me and him where all over facebook, and my ex casually asked, i told, and waited for the curse to kick in…

another three months later, and we’re still going strong. when its the right guy, curses be damned- you just need to meet him.

Soxyp
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 05:14 am: [report]

What alot of BS a pill cant curse your sex life. It’s there to give you peace of mind, i use it as well as condoms can’t be too crafeul dont wanna be a mom ever so there you go.

brandyalexander
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 08:26 am: [report]

@Alexa: I hear you.  There is a certain ex who really, really hurt me.  He’s still part of my circle of friends, and I wait a while whenever I meet a new guy to casually drop it into conversation… kiss of death, every time.

canadiancutie
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 08:48 am: [report]

I hated being on the pill. It messed with my body for sure. Nothing natural about it. There are other forms of BC. And it actually made my cramps WORSE, although the bleeding was lighter.

RogueBelle
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 08:54 am: [report]

I have never in my life connected being on the pill (or other forms of hormonal birth control) with being in a “serious” relationship. And I’ve never had a guy assume that I was trying to trap him into something long-term just because I was using BC. I’ve been on various forms since I was 13 for various reasons—because I was on Accutane, to regulate troublesome periods, to cut down on cramping, etc. If you want to be on the pill, be on the pill. Don’t flake out because you’re worried about what some guy will think. And for the love of mercy, quit jumping on and off of it—sooner or later your body’s going to spaz out if you keep messing with its hormone levels.

canadiancutie
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 09:12 am: [report]

Oh, and it didn’t curse a POTENTIAL relationship, it cursed my EXISTING relationship by turning me into a psychb*tch. I became more emotionally even-keeled and not quite so prone to temper tantrums and overreaction basically immediately after I went off.

Jenn27549
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]

I’ve been on BC consistently since I was 16.  First the pill, then the shot, then the implant (which did not agree with me at all), so back to the shot.  I’ve never taken a hiatus.  I’m firmly in the camp that I’d rather take whatever “risks” there are to being on BC long-term than having an unexpected pregnancy.  Too many girls I grew up with already have children b/c they didn’t understand how BC works, didn’t think they needed it, or only slipped up “that one time.”  Not for me.  No accidents here.  Even when I was single and used condoms every time.  I wanted the backup.  And whether or not its healthy, I haven’t had a period for 6 years since I started the shot and am totally fine with that.  Its freaking awesome!!! (I know, I know! There’s some evidence that suggests this is REALLY bad for you, but my doctor says the risks are minimal compared to the satisfaction, and I get the necessary preventative checkups like bone density scans just to be on the safe side.)

wonderfultonight
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 11:59 am: [report]

Before you give up on condoms - only a barrier form of BC helps protect against STD’s - please try some of the thinner ones that are becoming more available. Some are super thin, so watch the fingernails. They are much more natural-feeling than the usual ones. But have another form of BC that you use,too, whether it is the pill, IUD, shot, etc., and stay on it unless you have complications that prevent its use. It’s not necessary to tell a guy that you are on it - he may think you are on something anyway. Sadly, some men still feel it is solely up to the woman to prevent pregnancy.

As for withdrawal, it only takes a small amount of semen to start those little swimmers on their way to the egg. To me, it seems only a matter of time before that happens - guy could be careless, drunk, overestimate his ability to pull out in time, etc. If you are married or in a long term monogamous relationship where you can deal with an unexpected pregnancy, that is the only time I would rely on this method. JMO

Iammina
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 04:10 pm: [report]

I went on the pill when I began a long term relationship and it was my decision. I remained on the pill after that relationship ended. I do this for me. I feel I have to take responsibility because we all know that a guy can not be depended upon. Condoms break but I still encourage safe sex.
I can’t imagine the anguish an unwanted pregnancy could cause me. At this time, I am super busy living my life and happily doing so. We travel frequently and still getting to know each other. I don’t want to be tied down with the responsibilities of a baby at this time. I love kids, I do intend to have children someday but when I am ready.
Everything you put into your body has a certain risk but so does pregnancy or abortion. It is a good idea to research any drug you take. Some meds counteract the BCP, such as an antibiotic or anti seizure meds. I will take my chances with the pill.