Girl Talk: My First Love Is Getting Married
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
relationships
12:30PM, Tuesday August 18th 2009
The man I was engaged to was my first real adult love. It was mutual, it was committed, and it was mature. But there were other “loves.” Adam, the long-haired hippie in 8th grade, who held my hand once and played the acoustic guitar; Rob, the twenty-something video store employee, whom I stalked for the entire summer before I turned 15; Jesse who gave me emotional support when my parents divorced the summer after freshman year of college; and lastly, Aidan*, a fellow staff member at my college newspaper whom I fell for—HARD—my senior year.
The passion I felt for Aidan was so consuming that it lasted well after I graduated and moved away. The “love” I felt for him lasted approximately, oh, four years, during which there was much drunken misbehavior. (That incident where I pushed a dude into traffic? That was him.) We had about 20 or so sexual encounters (all in the first eight months), and, eventually, a strong friendship. Eventually, I got over being in love with him. Mostly.
Aidan is getting married in two weeks. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t making me the tiniest bit ... sore. He will be the first man I have slept with and to whom I’ve said “I love you” (he didn’t say it back, for the record) to get married. As his friend, I’m immensely happy for him—he and his fiancée have been together for many years, have withstood the long-distance test, and genuinely seem like a wonderful match. He was sometimes a total jackass to me during our little eight month up-and-down affair (and I was borderline psycho), but he’s grown into a loyal, mature man and she’s lucky to have him, though I suspect his evolution was a result of her divine inspiration. In a word, I am jealous—of both of them.
I know it’s immature, but I felt somewhat victorious when I got engaged before he did. When I told him my news, I felt a little pang of glee that I had not only gotten over him (because it seemed like I never, ever would), but passed him in the race towards relationship maturity. (Now I realize that marriage isn’t the finish line.) A few months after my engagement, he proposed to his girlfriend and we shared many a wide-eyed “can you believe we’re so grown up?!” conversation.
Though we’d been good friends for years at that point, I finally felt like we were on equal footing. His fiancée couldn’t be uncomfortable around me now that I was engaged to my fiancé and she was engaged to Aidan! And my fiancé couldn’t continue to feel awkward about my friendship with him because we were getting married, the ultimate proof that he was the one I wanted, not Aidan or anyone else before him. Unfortunately, however, the balance of power between us wasn’t enough to make things OK with his fiancée, who still felt uncomfortable about inviting me to the wedding. C’est la vie.
When my engagement was called off, I resisted telling a lot of people at first, but when Aidan IM’d me one day to check in, I just wanted to get it over with.
“So, I’m just going to tell you this so you don’t ask me about any wedding s**t in the future, at least until I have good news to report,” I wrote. “[REDACTED] and I are apparently ‘on a break.’ He’s having an existential quarter-life crisis and I’m living alone with the dog. I am fine now, but I didn’t get out of bed for four days.”
“Oh my god,” he wrote back, “I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine the range of s**t you’re feeling.”
“Does the idea of getting married ever freak you out?” I asked. “I’m having a very hard time understanding the male mind right now.”
“Yes it does,” he responded. “But I don’t know what he is thinking. I’m sad for you and enraged at the same time.”
It’s been nearly a year since we’ve had that conversation and I feel immensely grateful that I didn’t walk down the aisle with someone who turned out to be wrong for me. But even though I know Aidan is and always was wrong for me too, I still feel a little sad that his impending marriage makes that official.
Have any of you had feelings like this when an ex or love from your past got married?
*Name changed so his fiancée doesn’t kick my ass.
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SEMI-girl
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]
I would cyber-stalk the man I had my first relationship with via Myspace and Livejournal. I was genuinely happy for him when I read about his long-term relationship and how she’d moved across the world for him, even though I was single for literally years after we split up. But when I found the man of my dreams, I checked in on him out of curiosity and saw that his Myspace status was listed as single, and that made me happy, too. What can I say. I’m definitely glad that we didn’t stay together but it’s hard not to want to come out ahead, especially since he was not only the first man I fell in love with but the first one to dump me.
FrzKey
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]
My ex love hasn’t gotten married yet. Though I know the day will come eventually and dread it, I also have the blessing of not currently being in contact with him directly so that when it happens I won’t have to know about it or worry about smiling while my heart is breaking at his wedding. Or being called “auntie” by his children with another woman.
maroon
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]
i had a hot and heavy and fast-paced relationship with someone my freshman year of college. we probably could have gone down that path to permanency, but he messed up and i split it off from him. we later became really good, close friends, and i never really revisited that head over heels crush on him until i had a conversation with him about his new girlfriend: “you would be shocked, she’s like another version of you, but in this (different) city”. it was like my heart turned into flash paper and he lit the match. he went on to marry her about 6 years later, and even tho i’ve met her and think she’s a sweetheart and that the two of them work quite well, i was left off the invite list and she refuses to be in the same county as the two of us when we get together (even though I am happily taken). it makes it a bit awkward when we do see each other, because we’ve got history, especially a long one of being really close friends. but part of my platonic love for him now is being happy that he’s found someone to share his life with, and as much as she can resent that he has a strong supporting actress in his life, i’m really lucky that our friendship is still very intact
ImJustSayin
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 11:53 am: [report]
Closure is a hard thing to come by. My ex (a 5 year long drawn out affair) thought that was what he was helping me out with when he told me he wanted to be friends again and tell me all about his new fiance (wife by now I am sure). However, he did not anticipate revealing to me he still had feelings for me and although he had already broken my heart and smeared what was left of it on a highway somewhere for a semi-truck to run over, he rubbed in that he was not sure if the girl he was marrying should be me or her….. I am madly, deeply in love with my new man and I now realize life is better with him (way better)... but damn… some timing.
Humble Bee
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 11:54 am: [report]
Amelia dearest, I love you so! you have that Britney Spears, Brad Pitt likeability
I know how you feel, I think your just a lonely girl right now. Being lonely gives you the time to think about stupid sh*t you normally wouldn’t think about. Like exes! It happened to me for a while when I found out that the guy I thought was my soul mate got married at 21 years old. I was like wtf, no! He was supposed to marry me and we were supposed to find eachother and be soul mates 4eva! (according to myself, lol) I never thought that he’d find a person like me and vice versa. I was wrong obviously, I haven’t spoken to him because i’m afraid of being a homewrecker so I rather just share it with my vino.
Take some time for you, girl! Maybe you should stop dating for a while focus on something for yourself. I just gave up on dating and started working on my fitness.
allieite
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]
This is my absolute worst fear at the moment. I have been friends with my ex for a year now, we dated for 2 years, and just told him that we have to stop all communications because I could not imagine hearing about him dating someone new. He has been single this entire time but just the thought makes me lose my breath and kinda dry heave a bit.
Will this/these thoughts ever get any easier?
writergirl
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]
Oh yeah. There was once a guy I had been casually dating. One night we went out to dinner before I went out of town. Where he presented me with a trip away together. And I agreed to. I thought we were moving the casual relationship to the next level. And everything he said indicated that was his direction. I came back 48 hours later, his ex-GF had been in town and suddenly they were back together. Then three weeks later they were engaged.
Yes, he was wrong for me. Yes, I was wrong for HIM. And in all honesty I realized that. But yeah, the day of their wedding—which I wasn’t invited to, thankfully—I spent in pj’s eating frozen cheesecake and watching chick flicks.
bofangels
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 12:21 pm: [report]
I too fell head over heels in love with someone my senior year of college. I have since moved away and he is currently studying abroad. We remain friends…just barely. I fear this will happen to me someday. Though our relationship never reached the multiple sexual encounter stage, the feeling is there and I think it is mutual. It just will never work out. We are just too far away from each other and he isn’t the most mature. (out of sight, out of mind) I fear that in 5-10 years or so, I’ll be brushing the hair (whatever is left of it) off his brow and tell him, “your girl is lovely, Hubble.”
Amelia McDonell-Parry
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]
@bofangels Excellent reference to “The Way We Were.” Must rent that this weekend—but just because it’s a great movie!
EarthGoddess
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 12:30 pm: [report]
I guess I’m in the minority here. I have been able to maintain friendly ties with a few ex’s and, while we don’t hang out all that much, we connect via Facebook and Twitter fairly often. The 2 I carried the brightest torches for, as well as my daughter’s father who I was with far too long for all the wrong reasons, are now seriously involved with other women. One has a long time gf, the other is happily married with kids, and my daughter’s dad is happily engaged. I couldn’t be happier for them ... honestly. I wish them the best and enjoy talking about our lives and catching up. I’m even friendly with their SO’s and my husband’s ex (who he was with just before meeting me). I’ve also comfortably dated friends’ ex’s and had friends date my ex’s. I guess I don’t see the big deal ... once a relationship is over, a friendship can certainly be handled if both people are mature enough to make it work the way it should, but it’s definitely a 2-way street.
slip
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]
@allieite, it changes but it takes time. A year is a start. At some point, you find peace in all of this. You find someone new. You find yourself looking back and forgiving people you hadn’t thought of in years.
But as people hit their 40’s, marriages start to fail, and the “what if’s?” start all over again: How might things be now that we both know a bit about how the world works? Would our kids would get along? Should we even try or is it better to just meet in a motel somewhere now and then? Or do I just try to be happy with the memories and go forward looking for new ones? There are so many ghosts on Facebook, and sometimes it’s all just too weird to believe.
Be thankful for the pain. It means that you had something real, and you’ll be better able to recognize it when you see it again. And you will see it again…
Slip
loveitlala
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]
I think we all feel the pang you feel when we are single and this happens. If we were happily and seriously dating someone and an ex got married it wouldn’t cross our minds. That’s how I am at least. Get rid of facebook!
sophie19
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]
Oh, I (would) feel that. My first love was oh so amazing and changed and molded me more than most anything, at least in the first 20 years of my life. Yes, we were babies when we were together, but looking back 10 years later, I still know that I loved him and it was real. He’s not married yet, and neither am I, but we’re both in probably the most serious relationships of our lives. And when I look at picture of him and his girlfriend, I look for signs he’s not happy or that they’re going to break up. Those signs don’t exist. And when they do get married, I will be so, so, so happy for him because I know he’ll choose the right person for him, but in all honesty, I’ll probably cry into my pillow after I hear the news, but only once.
catscratchfever
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 02:57 pm: [report]
I can’t wait for my first adult love (we were engaged, but it didn’t work out) to be in a relationship. I want him to be happy, but mostly I want him to stop sending me awkward text messages when he is drunk.
DancerNinja
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 03:39 pm: [report]
When my first serious boyfriend got married, my gut reaction was “what poor dame did he dupe?” I have a harder time when i find out old crushes get married, since they never got to the point of pissing me off like ex-boyfriends ever did.
jenvanleigh
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 06:55 pm: [report]
looking back at relationships, i know they weren’t made of love. or, not love fully requited, which i know now that i have it in my marriage.
i think that because of this awareness, i don’t care one bit what has happened to them since, and i don’t know what, if anything, has. i don’t keep in contact with people from the past, and i’d go particularly out of my way to avoid my past entering my future.
so, no. don’t care.
vaiaster
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 08:39 pm: [report]
i wouldn’t know. i got married before any of my ex’s and honestly, it was fabulous (though none of us speak to each other anymore) to have mutual friends of both of ours spread the word of all of them, as the months leading up to the wedding drew closer.
i agree with you, though, that marriage is not the finish line. it’s a experience in which one grows and continues to lead to even bigger and better things.
i wish the best in your quest for seeking happiness.
Shiny Objects
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 09:21 pm: [report]
I found out about my first love’s marriage when I sold blinds to his new wife one day. I faked a smile and got the sale (and the details to torture myself with) then went out and got drunk with my gals. It took a while to feel better. Several years later, I’m still single though happily in a relationship, and several of my exes are marrying off. The most difficult part is wondering when my turn will be. When will someone decide I’m good enough for “Happily Ever After?”
That said, I understand that I make my own happiness and no man will ever make me happy. But there’s just something engraved in a gals mind about that perfect day, a white dress, and a Knight on a white horse. I’m tired of going to all of these weddings and showers and giving gifts for people (sometimes multiple times already), being a brides maid, and catching bouquets and wondering when my turn will come- but abhorring the cliche’ at the same time.
wonderfultonight
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 10:08 pm: [report]
When I was 24, I started a very serious relationship that I thought was my “one and only”. My job involves traveling and sometimes I am gone for weeks, but he was OK with that. After a couple of years of everyone asking “when are you two going to get married,” we were talking about it a lot and everything seemed perfect. Then my company sent me to Hawaii for 6 months (which turned into 8)and while I was packing to go, he blind-sided me with “I don’t think things will work out for us, after all.” And it was over - just like that.
So I went to Hawaii and cried a lot about the end of this great love for weeks until I finally woke up. I had a great job and I was in Hawaii! Get off your butt,lady, (meaning me) and live a little. I soon realized that this former love was not so great for me - I had been trying to be someone who fit into his idea of what I should be instead of being my true self. I ended up in a torrid romance with a much older guy who was so great and I completely threw off the shell of the old, not real, me. I came home older and wiser.
AS for the ex, I realize what a truly great gift he gave me by setting me free, though, of course, that took weeks for me to recognize. He is now married and lives a few miles away from me and quite simply, I could care less. I was not invited to the wedding, but would not have gone, anyway. I have run into him and his wife a few times and we are pleasant to each other. His wife preens like she is the queen who won the prize and I just laugh to myself and wish her all the best and thank heaven for my good luck.
starduster
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 11:10 pm: [report]
I still cyber-stalk my exes out of fear of this very thing. There’s always a heartstring twang, despite the fact that you know you weren’t meant to be.
In a pitiable, selfish way, I’d like to hoard all my exes away until I get my happy ending. Then they’re all fair game.
bjoontheupside
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 09:34 am: [report]
My ex-husband is supposedly getting remarried this coming fall. (This will be his third marriage. I was wife #2.) Honestly, I have been really shocked that he’s taken this long to remarry again. I say this because we met soon after his first divorce and were married about eighteen months later. We’ve been divorced now for over three years. (He’s the type of person that can’t really be alone and jumps from relationship to relationship.) He’s been in a few serious relationships, (living together) since we were an item so it was a surprise when he e-mailed me out of the blue last November to let me know that he was getting our marriage annulled by the Catholic church since his new squeeze is Catholic. The funny part is that he’s an atheist and they had just met each other like a month prior. They are actually still together though so I’m assuming the wedding is still on. I honestly can’t wait until it’s confirmed that he’s married again. I feel like it will be a day of celebration for me because he never really gave me true closure after our divorce and while I’ve managed to move on, it’ll just be nice knowing that it really is over at that point. I wish I could explain it better. I do feel a bit sorry for his fiancee though. Then again, maybe they are happy with each other and this one will finally stick.
brijiver4
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]
Warning: I AM A GUY, and I am very aware that this post is filed under Girl Talk, but what can I say I tend to read whatever Amelia writes on cnn.com which inevitably leads me here.
I think most guys would agree that even they get this feeling of jealousy/happiness/enragement at the thought of a former flame moving on to another relationship no matter how far removed.
When it’s love, even if its that crazy, psychotic, out-of-your-mind love, you invest so much of your self that its always hard to imagine someone else with that person. Then again as a guy I am sure its just my pride and ego being surprised that she could find anyone that made her happier than I ever did…
j/k.
Jenn27549
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
First “serious” high school relationship I had lasted 6 months. It ended badly, with him (we’ll call him D) dumping me and me being very upset the remainder of high school. D and his friends made fun of me behind my back, then we went our separate ways after graduation. Fast forward 3 years after high school and we happened upon each other over the summer. My SO was on a cross-country guy trip, over which HE decided we were “not together.” So me and D rekindled the relationship. First it was purely physical, b/c when we dated in high school we never “went all the way” and had both been secretly wondering since what it would have been like. So it started out explosive and mostly physical, and then morphed into something much more emotional into the fall. He went back to his college (3 hours away) but we alternated weekends sometimes seeing each other just long enough to hook up and make it back home right before work or class. Sometimes we met half way in this cheap motel for a night. It was crazy and illogical, and after a few months we started to remember why we didn’t work out in high school. Not much had changed, really in the 5 years since we first broke up. After one big fight and an out of the blue, let’s run off and elope proposal from D that I refused we drifted apart. I started to get back on with my road tripping SO, he actually started seeing his other ex—the girl he left me in high school for!
Needless to say, it got ugly again for about a year. Then we became friends, and good friends at that. Everything that made us terrible together in a relationship actually worked as friends. Fast forward 5 more years and I had broken up with the SO of 4 years, met someone new who wasn’t as comfortable with our friendship. So D and I mutually agreed to backing off the friendship. A year later I was marrying the new guy and D was being really pissy about it. We stopped talking completely for several months, and I thought for good. Then D called me out of the blue in February. He was going to propose to his girlfriend and wanted me to help pick out the ring.
I declined to help, out of respect for my husband and our of complete and utter deflation that he was finally getting married. It still bothers me even though I love my husband more than anything, and would never be with D again. I would never consider marrying him. But for some reason it still drives me nuts. I’m totally neutral toward the girl—don’t dislike her, but don’t like her either. I secretly hope that they will call it off before next summer (tentative wedding date). Its awful. But I totally get what the author is saying. Its not jealousy. Its not sadness. Its not anger. There’s no explanation for it, it just is.
bogart4017
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 01:30 pm: [report]
Strangely enough very few of my exes got married (not even ex-wife) but the main one that did was a torch that burned very hot for a very brief period (over a summer) and was never consummated so apin never existed. There is a weird sexual tension that is palpable to all the people in the room the very few times we’ve been together since that time (in 28 years its been about 2-3 times). People keep asking “what is it about you two that creates that energy everyone can feel?”. All i can think is unexplored territory. Ah well, too latae now.
toyen
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 02:54 pm: [report]
Of course I have. When Facebook plastered my homepage with photo ablums of my ex’s engagement trip (almost the same trip he’d detailed for me when he once told me how he’d dreaming of proposing to me a few years prior) and status updates of his proposal. I was in a period of a few dark months after a heartbreak and it was brutal to see that splattered everywhere.
Even finding out an abusive ex had gotten married and had a kid really hurt—and I kicked that douche out and took him to court for being physical with me for heavensakes. The tinges of “why him first?” are unavoidable, I think.
bronzebuttercup
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 07:20 pm: [report]
I recently found out that my ex and “first love” was looking at engagement rings with a girl that was supposed to be a non-threat friend from college when we were together. It broke my heart and when I see them together I sometimes get physically ill. It hurts me that he’s with her but also that she doesn’t know about all the stuff that he put me through…
Tart and Soul
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 10:45 am: [report]
My ex-husband and almost all my ex-boyfriends are now married. Even lots of the guys I’ve dated casually. They’re all my Facebook friends and regularly reach out to me. On one hand, I’m glad to know the relationships I’ve had with them were meaningful enough to stay in touch. However, seeing their wedding photos and kissy-faced pics with their wives is a bit tough. My first love sent me a birth announcement for his kid. I know how it feels - you don’t want the guy back, but ouch!
adrykins
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 09:59 pm: [report]
My life was obliterated for months when I found out my first real love got married, none the less to his high school sweetheart. After 2 years, I still cry to this day at the thought of him being with another person. Love is complicated as we all know, but what I had with this man, made me the woman I am today. You never get over your first real love. It takes time, a lot of wine nights with your girls, and many nights of crying. You are handling this pretty well, better than other women (me!). But hang in there, I have hope that good women will find their prince charming, or whatever that means.
Knitter79
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 10:28 am: [report]
I’m in kind of the reverse situation right now. The guy I’m dating is going to his first love’s wedding. We have been friends for many years and just recently made the jump to a romantic relationship. He didn’t really talk about his ex until maybe a year ago. They went to HS together so they share a lot of friends, and he’s spent more time talking about seeing his friends than he has his ex (though he casually mentioned the other day that the ceremony is taking place at the same church where his parents were married). I can’t help but wonder if he ever imagined himself marrying her at that church. The whole situation is weird to me because I’ve never stayed friends with any of my ex-boyfriends.
My first love proposed to his fiance earlier this year and even though we haven’t had any contact in six years it still stung a bit. Thankfully it’s not the same chick he left me for…that made it easier to handle. Frankly, it bugs me more to see all my old school friends (and younger cousins) getting married and having kids when I’m no where near that.
ThumperTheory
wrote on August 28 2009 @ 01:38 am: [report]
Sighhhhhh… Must be a sign of the times. I logged in to facebook yesterday to learn that an old high school flame (admittedly, not a love, but someone of whom I’ve always thought fondly) just got engaged to the girl he dated throughout most of high school, before and after our fling… This is in addition to the seemingly-countless [often younger] friends and acquaintances whose engagements and nuptials I’m learning about online and in the papers, and all the older, married-for-years couples with whom my SO & I are friends… and the fact that we’ve been together for 5 years (5 1/2 next month) w/ nary a sparkler in sight.
Granted, I’m still relatively young, but I (and supposedly we) had dreams of marrying close to the age I am now and starting a family soon after. And I hear that timing is [almost] everything - no matter how much he loves you; if he’s not “ready” (whatever “ready” means in that nebulous guymind), you’re S.O.L.
Let’s just suffice it to say that lately I’ve been finding it increasingly difficult to feel happy for others, while it’s sure been easy to feel sorry for myself. Which I hate about myself right now.
Ugh.
Mish
wrote on October 12 2009 @ 04:22 pm: [report]
My first love was when i was fairly young. I was with him for almost four years. He is still one of my dear friends and although i have a lot of love for him…. in no way could i imagine feeling sorry for myself or bitter or sore about him moving on and being married. He has actually dated one of my very good friends which i was extremely happy about! I am currently engaged to an absolutely amazing man. His ex of four years and him broke up about 7 months before we met. When she found out he had met someone else who he “fell in love at first site with” she flipped out. She literally started stalking and harassing the both of us via email, myspace, facebook, texts, and even following us around while we were out until i caught her hiding behind a dumpster. she is an absolute WACK! This girl not only is a severe drug addict and helped make a lot of things worse for my fiance, but she also got so mad when he didnt want to marry her that she left him for a guy she had just met and got engaged after less than a week! she was a nasty person to him and now that she has realized he has truely found love and been in love all this time with someone who can return that same kind of love and makes him a better person, she cant bare to live with herself. A few month ago we got engaged. We didnt make it public on relationship status updates for a little while. Because we used to both work in the public eye through the entertainment scene here in town, we didnt want to deal with the hub bub right away. Especially after dealing with this girl for so long already. As soon as we went public my predictions were right. the texts and emails started again with her making nasty comments about me and how i will behave and how i think and how i am going to act eventually. making assumptions about me because i am a little younger than her. Whats funny is i know for a fact i have been through more life events than her already AND i am already much more business successful and healthily operating than her. She does not even know anything about me personally! She is trying to scare him out of marriage. What i am glad about is how confident and solid i feel with my fiance….. but my point is…..
letting old feelings linger that long and allowing your brains emotions to stick around is NOT HEALTHY. when its done….. it done. woman need to learn to let go, shut up, and move on. when you stay that connected to something that no longer exists, it will make you crazy. when someone dies…. its ok to miss them. its ok to have love for them…. but if you never mourn the situation or move on from it… you will be so caught up in their death that you miss your own life. MOVE ON LADIES. Don’t be a Robin Rexrothe. That only leads to having a felony charge against you for stalking and harassment.
AisyaNadia
wrote on November 16 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]
Hmmm…I think…we all feel that in a way. I mean, our exes have been in our lives, had been the world to us or at least have been a part of it. So it’s only natural that what they do affects us as well. I’m not saying that you haven’t moved on, what I’m saying is that it’s just memories. Someone you once loved is getting married, you can’t help but feel a bit sad because of those memories you shared together.
What about me then? Well I’m still in love with my ex. I’m not going to be altruistic and say that oh if he dates someone, I’ll be happy for him! Because that’s just a lie. If I do find out, though I’ll pretend to be happy for him, I’d probably be crying my eyeballs out and probably gain 100 pounds from eating the tons of Ben & Jerry’s I will buy. But…in life we can’t always get what we want…and I do believe that’s a good thing. If you did end up with this man, you wouldn’t be happy because he doesn’t love you that way…and who wants to stay alongside a man who isn’t in love with them? No one.
You will find that one guy that loves you and you him. It’s just that it’ll take time. Have faith. Everything happens for a reason And as for me, I’ll cling on to the hope that there will be a man for me out there, even if it’s not my ex.
By the way…I forgot to mention something. Move on in my opinion is not to forget. You can’t forget about somene you shared your life with no matter how much you try to. It’s not about losing your love for them, but really the real definition of move on is to open your heart to someone else. That’s the true meaning of move on.
I hope what said helps. You an every girl on here that has problems moving on. Just remember, most dont end up wih their first love and that most find love that are greater than their first. Don’t be naive and believe that you will never find a love greater than your first.