Ahh, new relationships. We’ve all been there— the birds chirp louder, the sky looks bluer and it feels like life just took a shot of Red Bull. During the first month or two, dates tend to go something like this: He takes you to dinner, heads back to your place where you have hot, still-getting-to-know-you sex before he dozes off watching “New Girl” (even though he would have preferred “Wolverine”), but once he wakes at 2 a.m. and decides to go home, your mind is running rampant with a billion questions about the status of your “situation” before he’s even out the door. And during any and all time away from him, you can’t help but wonder what’s going on in his head. Sound familiar? Of course it does.
These 40 questions have mindfucked women in new relationships for generations…
1. Does he actually want to be my boyfriend?
2. Does he refer to me as his “girlfriend” when he’s with other people, or does he just call me by name to avoid a label?
3. How do I know if he’s just using me for sex?
4. At what point is it appropriate to have the “where is this going” talk?
5. Should I initiate that discussion or should he?
6. Do any of his family members know that I exist?
7. If so, what has he told them about me? I need details.
8. What did he find when he Googled my name?
9. Has he slept with more people than I have?
10. If I ask him how many people he’s slept with, would he lie about the number?
11. Has he ever cheated on someone?
12. Why did his last relationship really end?
13. Does he tell his friends about our sex life?
14. Or worse, what if he says I have an ugly vagina?
15. How long do we have to date before I meet his friends?
16. If he hasn’t invited me to meet them yet, is it because I embarrass him?
17. Why hasn’t he texted me yet? I hope he’s not with someone else.
18. Are we exclusive? Maybe I should bring it up. Actually, no, I shouldn’t.
19. What about me, aside from my boobs, does he really like?
20. What if he thinks some of my friends are hotter than me?
21. Would he ever cheat on me?
22. Who would be in his bridal party if we were to get married?
23. How he would he propose to me?
24. Better yet, how much he would spend on a ring?
25. What’s his salary? Don’t judge me…
26. What if he only says he wants kids one day to get me into bed?
27. Does he think I’m good in bed?
28. Am I the best he’s ever had?
29. Why hasn’t he texted me still?
30. Would his mom like me?
31. I wonder what his ex-girlfriend looks like?
32. What would he do if I got pregnant?
33. Can I trust him?
34. How would he react if I farted?
35. Does he think about me when we’re not together?
36. What does he think of my pubic hair grooming?
37. Do I embarrass him?
38. How often does he jerk off?
39. What would he do if I slipped a finger in his ass while we’re doing it?
40. Why the FUCK has he still not texted me?