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7 Sex Moves To Try In Bed Before You Pop Female Viagra

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For over a decade, Bob Dole, your father and untold legions of horny old men have reaped the benefits of the erectile dysfunction pill Viagra. Next month, a Food and Drug Administration committee will deliberate on the so-called “female Viagra,” a pill called flibanserin that reportedly ignites a woman’s sexual desire. It’s about damn time, people! [The Washington Post]

Now, we at The Frisky don’t necessarily have a problem with better living through chemistry and I’m not doubting that some — or even many — women have a lower libido than they would like. But, ladies (and the fellas who love them), before you go popping little blue pills (dear God, please tell me female Viagra are not going to be little pink pills), let’s put on our Cosmo hat and try some other moves to up your sexual desire first. And no, none of them involve Horny Goat Weed.

  1. Lube. Lube, lube, lube, lube, lube. Did I mention lube? Dry sex sucks. Having sex (I’m talking about heterosexual, penis-in-vagina sex here) may never feel orgasmically fabulous for you, but, damn girl, it doesn’t have to be painful. If you try one kind of lube and sex still isn’t pleasurable, test some others! I recommend K-Y Warming Jelly — it heats up upon contact — or my current sin-jelly of choice, the water-based Booty Parlor Add Magic Lubricant.
  2. Acknowledge that his penis is just too big for you. I’m a tight girl down there. I’ve come across a couple men in my life with big honkin’ bratwurst penises and I just said, “No.” Plain and simple: “No.” Maybe a more intrepid girl than I would have tried to “make it work,” as Tim Gunn likes to say. But I’d rather not deal with stretching myself out until pregnancy, thank you very much.
  3. Dress more warmly in bed. I’m always saying “I’m cold” during sexy time. It took me a while to figure this out, but being naked and chilly was a mood killer. Now I usually try to stay under the covers — it’s more cuddly that way! — or wear some kind of loose nightgown or slip. There’s no rule that says you have to be completely naked during sex, even if that’s what your partner prefers. You have to make sure you feel good.
  4. Have a drink to loosen up a little bit. I’m not saying get wasted every time you have sex. But if you’re an anxious person like I am or nervous about having sex for some reason (new partner, afraid it’s going to be uncomfortable, etc.), maybe a drink or two will help relax your muscles. I hardly ever drink just because I don’t like it very much, but the several times in my life that I’ve had sex while tipsy, I’ve noticed that I’m much more relaxed than usual. Obviously, don’t become so inebriated that your judgment flies out the window and don’t start using alcohol as a crutch.
  5. Be completely candid and honest about what your partner is doing that’s a mood killer. It can be hard to tell a man that something about him is turning you off, especially since women and girls are socialized not to bruise a man’s so-called “fragile ego.” But a good guy will appreciate your request and it’s completely within your right to do so. Does he have bad breath? Is his bedroom dirty? Do his sheets reek? Do you feel uncomfortable having sex with him while his roommate/frat brother/relative is sitting in another room nearby? Do you have to listen to Dave Matthews Band to get in the mood? Do you want him to draw the window shades closed? Do you want him to stop talking dirty to you because you think it sounds stupid? Tell him. He is not going to know what is bothering you unless you speak up.
  6. Buy a vibrator. If you don’t already own a vibrator, you’d better keep that information to yourself, because otherwise your Frisky-reading privileges will be revoked! What are you waiting for, woman?! Venture into the local sex shop or if you live in one of those crazy states where sex toys are illegal, order one online. Many retailers are purposefully discreet about their mailing packages. Then get masturbatin’, lady. And if you’re enjoying your vibe, whip it out next time you’re having sex. Any guy who’s threatened by your vibrator is not someone you want to be sleeping with anyway.
  7. Watch or read something erotic. Women are socialized to think men are the ones who “need” pornography, but many of us ladies also love to get our juices flowing — figuratively and literally. The thing is, lots of mainstream porn just isn’t geared towards us. Try searching for “porn for women” online or specifically hunt for something that gets you off. I, for instance, enjoy spanking, so I’ll sometimes poke around Google and read amateur spanking erotica that I find online. Yeah, it’s not The New Yorker, but it gets the job done, so who cares? Or if your tastes flow more generically, you could read a sexy book, like Secret Diary of A Call Girl, by Belle Du Jour, or watch a sexy TV show, such as the aforementioned “Call Girl,” “True Blood,” or “The Tudors.” Sexy Jonathan Rhys Meyers will get anyone in the mood!

If and when “female Viagra” is available to the horny masses, we have no doubt a lot of women will find it a godsend. I hope those of us gals with a less-than-impressive sex life — and hey, for a while I was one of them — will put some more elbow grease into seeing if we can make our sex lives better ourselves. Happy screwing!

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