Words That Will Get You Laid On OKCupid
Posted by: Jessica Wakeman
Filed in:
relationships
11:30AM, Tuesday September 8th 2009
Any lass who’s dipped her toes into the online dating waters knows after two days all the messages (and the dudes who wrote them) blur together. Newsflash: saying “Hey, I love ‘The Office’ too!’ doesn’t woo the ladies, guys.
But do you know what really peaks the interest and prompts a woman to respond? For OKCupid, it’s messages that contain the words “zombie,” “tattoo,” and “piercing.”
Number-crunching monkeys at OKCupid analyzed how specific words that men use in messages affect a woman’s reply rate. Although the data isn’t complete and does not account for other factors like sexy profile pics, it’s still an interesting peek into how women like to be wooed.
Men who use the words “awesome,” “pretty” and “haha” got more replies than the ones who use “babe,” “cutie” or “beautiful.” “Hit,” unsurprisingly, doesn’t work. And IM-speak, like “ur,” “holla,” “wat,” “luv” and “im” are sucky words to use. Maybe cleaning up your grammar and spelling is all it takes to get laid more?
Question: What’s wrong with “beautiful”? When I was on OKCupid, that one always worked on me! Better question: Why are women writing back to men who use the word “zombie”? [OKCupid Blog]
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xifeng882
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 10:37 am: [report]
The problem for me that comes with some online guy saying you’re “beautiful” is that it often comes off pretty creepy, especially when you have much older guys looking to come off as sophisticated to women. Its unnerving, especially when we all know those pics of us are not very good… Grammar however is essential!
Squidtermz
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]
what about “vampire”! HA!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 10:41 am: [report]
Awesome zombie band tattoo! Sorry about the awkward literature. Those piercings are pretty. Haha.
Sex please.
msalistar
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 10:50 am: [report]
Oh, the one that makes me twitch is when I get the mail from the random mouthbreather on the dating website calling me ‘a sexy lady’. I am not sure why, but whenever guys try to use the word ‘lady’ in an email to sound more sophisticated it comes off more like they are a sexual predator.
xifeng882
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 10:50 am: [report]
What works on guys? lol
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 10:53 am: [report]
@xifeng882: “I want to touch your penis”
xifeng882
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]
@Cheese: purrrrr lol
Lynn
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]
@xifeng882 - exactly! It’s just skeevy
_jsw_
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 11:16 am: [report]
I’m sorry to have taken so long to reply to your awesome post. Like all of your others, it shows that you are not merely pretty (I know you don’t know me, so I feel a little awkward saying that), but that you have a piercing insight into culture which results in your articles being more than just posts - they’re literature. Often, reading the site, I’ll start to zone out and feel like a zombie as I read through the brouhaha caused by people banding together against some troll. I apologize if this makes little sense. The sound of a leaky faucet tattooing all night long kept me up.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
@_jsw_: Yours is too long. Mine is better.
_jsw_
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 11:24 am: [report]
I wanna holler back at ya, babe!!1! I really luv wat u wrote. ur beautiful, looking good in ur pic. i wanna hit dat. dont stop writin ur stuff, cutie. im ur loverman. txt me.
_jsw_
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: I’ve often heard that, sadly enough. Maybe yours really is better.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]
im in yer profile lookin at cuties. Just wanna holla at you babe lookin realy beautiful. I wanna totes hit that. luv you. kthxbai.
Jessalyn
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]
@xifeng - I agree on the “beautiful” thing.
The guys who use it almost always come across as completely insincere and/or creepy. Usually because they say something like “Hey beautiful, I just had to tell you how gorgeous you are. Oh, and it looks like you’re smart, which is, of course, important too.” Yeah, you’re not fooling anyone, nice try.
Maybe it’s just me being cranky, but I know myself and I don’t do “beautiful” or “gorgeous,” I do “cute” and sometimes “pretty.” Exaggerating my looks to get in my pants is obvious and unoriginal, and will just get your message deleted instead. If you have something in common with me or are genuinely interested in something in my profile other than my picture, we’ll talk!
ThatWeirdGamerChick
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 11:58 am: [report]
@FromaaaaAAAAge Woah, man. Better cut back on that sexy-talk before all the ladies in here go nuts. *raises eyebrow*
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 12:04 pm: [report]
@ThatWeirdGamerChick: Only retro chic can call me that! Stick to my Americanized (yellow American preferable) spelling. kthxbai. lots of luffs to you.
xifeng882
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 12:09 pm: [report]
@Jessalyn: Oh I hate that. I once told off someone for saying that I “looked like a reasonably intelligent person”. Umm, excuse me?
Jessalyn
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]
@xifeng: Yes! I’ve gotten that one too. I’m always tempted to tell them off, but I usually decide it’s just not worth the typing time.
_jsw_
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 12:29 pm: [report]
Allow me to say, then, that neither of you looks like a reasonably intelligent person. Better?
Anyway, the issue with this is that it’s not always possible to judge intent or honesty when someone writes - or even when they speak.
“You look like a reasonably intelligent person” probably wasn’t supposed to mean “you don’t look like an exceptionally intelligent person” so much as it was likely supposed to mean “you seem to be smarter than the average person.” Of course, it all depends on the person who said it. I think it’s a phrase that sounds demeaning when its intent is the opposite. Usually. But it’s always better to leave off the “reasonably” or to change it to “reasonable and”.
And as far as “beautiful” goes: yes, it’s usually used in a sad attempt to woo. But it might be a sincere sentiment. It depends on who said/wrote it. “Hey beautiful” is usually crap (unless, say, you actually know the person and they’re being friendly). “I think you’re beautiful” might be legitimate. Probably it’s just a line… but not necessarily.
And we know that women tend to think “cute” = “not beautiful” and “pretty” = “not hot”, so we avoid those words… even though “cute” and “pretty” are both wonderful things to be.
Jessalyn
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 01:21 pm: [report]
@jsw: Ha, touché. And yes, we’re perverse, difficult creatures. We’ll take “cute” as an insult, but call us beautiful and we’ll bite your head off. It’s part of our charm.
(And all has to do with whether or not our internal b.s.-o-meter goes off when you talk/type.)
_jsw_
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 01:32 pm: [report]
@Jessalyn: Pictures can be altered or misleading, so I cannot speak to your physical beauty. However, your words… ah, your words. They reveal your inner beauty as well as your sharp wit and insight. Surely, regardless of your appearance (which I am certain all would find exceptional but which might not best be described with any particular adjective), you are indeed enchanting.
There… I thought you might need to recalibrate your b.s.-o-meter.
Jessalyn
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 02:45 pm: [report]
@jsw: Now that’s how to make a woman swoon!
Recalibration complete.
_jsw_
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 02:48 pm: [report]
@Jessalyn: Thank you. I was also going to throw in “zombie”, but I didn’t want you to become so aroused that you were unable to work.
effing hickster
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 09:08 pm: [report]
@_jsw_ and CheeeeEEEEse: Oh my, you two are a handful!
As for Ms. Wakeman: Sorry to be the grammar police, but as long as grammar is the subject of our post today, it’s not “peaks the interest”. It’s “piques the interest”.
Pique (transitive verb), 2 a : to excite or arouse especially by a provocation, challenge, or rebuff <sly remarks to pique their curiosity> b : pride <he piques himself on his skill as a cook>
I believe this comment would admittedly halt my chances at getting laid, too; so I’ll stop now.
_jsw_
wrote on September 8 2009 @ 09:13 pm: [report]
@effing hickster: I suppose it’s possible that the messages represented a high point in the women’s levels of interest, and hence the peak. It was all downhill from there.
steventa
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 01:24 am: [report]
Funny that now zombie is on positive side and beautiful is on negative side for online dating dealbreakers. I would guess its probably because beautiful is used by a lot of low life users instead of beautiful being a wrong word.
effing hickster
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 01:27 am: [report]
@_jsw_: Touche! I believe you have a valid point; against which I have no argument.
Lynn
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 01:43 pm: [report]
@jsw - wait, “pretty” isn’t good? I always thought “pretty” was the best thing to be! More sexually appealing than “cute,” less aggressive than “hot,” but it doesn’t make the compliment-giver sound as skeevy as “beautiful”
_jsw_
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 01:48 pm: [report]
@Lynn: I think “pretty” is a great compliment and a great thing to be. But my experience has led me to realize that some consider it to be a generic compliment given because the speaker felt nothing stronger was suitable and was hesitant to say anything weaker.
But personally, I like the word and those to whom it applies. Among other things, I have to consider personality when I use the word, so while, for example, Ms Lohan might appear attractive in some photos, she can never, in my mind, be pretty.
Lynn
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 02:06 pm: [report]
@jsw - definitely know what you mean about Lohan. “Pretty” “cute” “beautiful” and “hot” are not synonyms! You can be one without another.