Is Pornography To Blame For Declining Sex In Relationships?

Yesterday, the Daily Mail reported that sex for women over the age of 35 is rapidly declining — or, at least, people are more willing to admit to declining sex in their relationships than they used to be. Today, the same paper is suggesting this trend could be blamed on men’s increased preference for internet pornography over sex. “Twenty years ago, pornography was something you had to search out and buy,” says couples therapist, Paula Hall. “Now it’s on every home computer, and more and more men are ruining their sex lives as a result, because they can meet their desires without their wife. The ‘cartoon images’ of arousal and satisfaction in porn are also giving a whole generation of men ridiculously unreal expectations about what real sex is like. They become unable to be aroused without the extreme stimulation of pornographic images, and their idea of what women like in bed is also warped.”

Of course, we couldn’t have a discussion these days about anything without mentioning the recession, something Paula Hall says could also explain the declining libido in men. “Huge numbers of men have lost their jobs, and many more are worried about losing theirs, or have to work extra hard to make up the work that used to be done by those who are now redundant.” she says. “They go home to their wives with stress hormones coursing through their bodies, and they just can’t feel arousal under those circumstances.” But wait! That’s not all! You didn’t think we could discuss men’s declining libidos without somehow placing at least a little of the blame on women, did you? Hall says she’s “heard men complain that their wives have gained a lot of weight, that their bodies have changed too much, or that they ‘don’t make enough effort’ to wax their legs or make themselves sexually appealing in other ways.”

I jest, but I do think these men have a point. I’ve said it in some of my “Dear Wendy” columns and I’ll say it again here: Both men and women have a responsibility in a relationship to keep fit, take care of themselves, and put effort into making themselves sexually appealing to their partners. When we don’t, or when we, say, stop shaving our legs in the winter because it’s “not worth the time,” should we really be blaming men if they get their rocks off on porn instead? Of course, I’m not suggesting the only reason men lose interest in sex and increasingly turn to porn is because their partners have stopped putting effort into their appearance, but I do think it’s part of the problem — along with complex issues within their relationship, too. What are your thoughts? [via Daily Mail]