Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Doesn’t Like My Hairy Legs”

AnitaBath
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:11 pm: [report]

I’m sooo glad to hear your advice for the first one, Wendy. The boyfriend seemed like a good sport about it. When he found out they were hairy and absentmindedly made a face, he’d turn it into a joke and playfully tease her about it. At least he’s still touching her legs! It sounds like he is respecting her choice not to shave, even if he doesn’t completely like it, because that’s what a good guy would do. She just sounds whiny.

And he’d playfully “but meaningfully” try to guess the date of her last shave? What the heck is that supposed to mean!? It sounds like she’s just trying to find a reason to be upset.

FrzKey
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:12 pm: [report]

First one sounds like you’re trying very hard to alienate someone in their own skin. The point that what her boyfriend likes is a personal matter of taste is a good one - and it swings both ways - what SHE likes is a matter of personal taste and therefore entirely up to her.

Pirate Bunny
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:14 pm: [report]

Alright, I hate being Negative Nancy to the advice being given, but Jesus H. Christ.  We are always supposed to have unnaturally smooth legs or we are gross?  I don’t even keep up with that crap in the summer.  It is hair.  HAIR.  You know, the stuff we ALL grow on our legs?  The stuff that is a GIANT pain to shave off constantly and itches like the DEVIL when it grows back in (which applies to no matter what method of removal you use, at least for me).

If he mocks your leg stubble, make sure to mock him every single time his beard stubble comes back… which is what, everyday?  So help him God if he has a beard…

tabby
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:17 pm: [report]

@pirate bunny, I am with you. I am very often lax about shaving my legs and my guy doesn’t care. But when I do shave them, he asks me what the special occasion is

FrzKey
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:19 pm: [report]

kudos for Pirate Bunny!

Queen Frostine
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:19 pm: [report]

I married my husband when he was laid off and broke as hell. He took unemployment to start building his dream business. Four years later he is off the ground, debt free and very successful. The long broke months we spent together helped us learn how to budget our money and live within our means. And it was worth it to help my man realize his dreams of owning his own business.

Kurkuma
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:20 pm: [report]

i dont like the harshness of the first letter. when i think about it, you are right, maybe its either groom-all-year-round or nothing but its nice to have at least one season where you dont have to spend your time shaving because OTHER people think you are gross if you dont.
shaving is not part of a personal hygiene it is something people do because they think smooth legs look nicer.

so, if my boyfriend would seem offended, i would just ask him about it. if its still prickly and not soft yet it is just a matter of days in between the shaving. and maybe he just does not like that feeling?

powplz
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]

If you stop shaving for more than a few days, leg hair turns from prickly to soft.  Thumbs down on ripping the poor girl a new one because she likes to take a break from shaving when she’s wearing long clothes in the winter.

Frederica Bimble
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:30 pm: [report]

Letter #1:  Oh for criminey’s sake!  Shave your damned legs and thank your lucky stars you HAVE a boyfriend at all.

Letter #2:  A bit soon to be using the RELATIONSHIP word, eh?  She barely knows this guy and already she has herself, dating, supporting, and the subsequent break-up because she doesn’t want to “support him!”

Geesh!

QTKT
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:30 pm: [report]

Wow, a little harsh today Wendy! I also shave less in the winter for many reasons - a) fewer people are seeing my legs; b) the cold gives me goose bumbs and then I’ve got stuble all over again; and c)I like that means I have just those few extra minutes in the morning to read the paper/play with my dog a little longer/whatever that shaving usually takes up. There have been plenty of times that my guy has gone a few days with out shaving his beard, and I don’t get all pissy or make obvious comments that make him feel bad about it.

Dnade
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:30 pm: [report]

For the first writer I honestly don’t understand girls who don’t year round. I grew up in LA where anytime of the year is “beach weather” so I shave everything everyday and still can shower under 10 mins. Not every shave is perfect and I always miss areas but I find that doing a quick “once over” every day is just like washing my hair—maintenance. If what your bf is saying hurts your feelings tell him, otherwise embrace the teasing as what it is -teasing.

Christinaval
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:31 pm: [report]

Although a little harsh, I agree with Wendy’s advice on both of these situations. First, 99% of all men think it’s NOT attractive when women have hairy legs. It’s something we’ve been doing since we were 10 years old ladies, this isn’t anything new. It’s a simple thing, stop whining and shave! The second story I can understand the concern, but Wendy’s right, it sounds like she’s afraid he can’t afford HER.

bogart4017
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:31 pm: [report]

Fear not keeping cozy. A little leg hair is cute as far as i’m concerned anyway. I don’t see it as a turn-off anyway. I wouldnt bother my wife about it, especially being someone who has to shave twice a day because she doesnt like the feel of the “scruffy face”. Sounds to me as if your bf is the playful type. Roll with the punches kid. Its easier than throwing yourself on the ground.

Thin.Lizzy
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]

Wendy,

Whenever I read this column, it strikes me how mean spirited you can be to other women, case in point: the first piece of advice you give (and several other examples). What is with you hating on women? Especially when talking to them about how they treat their men… Maybe you shouldn’t make women feel bad about how they treat their men, and instead focus on the larger picture.

and “Keeping Cozy,” your boyfriend loves you and wants to bang you either way (men are not THAT picky).. that fact that YOU are feeling bad that he teases you is reason enough to consider bringing out the razor more often. If you can deal to live with his teasing, then don’t shave!

Shriekback68
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]

Okay, ladies: how about male ear and nose hair? Hmmm…??

Thin.Lizzy
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:36 pm: [report]

ha! I just read the second piece of advice. She might be a bitch, but you sound like one too! One bitch doesn’t make another bitch ok..

H. Blue
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]

@Christinaval: you’ve been shaving your legs since you were 10 years old?  Seriously?

nikkiwikki
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:43 pm: [report]

I completely and 100% agree with Pirate Bunny and joyy!

justsomegirl
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:45 pm: [report]

Shaved legs are no more hygenic than unshaved ones. Shaved legs on women is just a cultural expectation.  If this woman was staunchly against shaving her legs, would you have taken such a cuttingly sarcastic tone with her?  I think not; you’d be ripping the boyfriend apart for daring to project his desires onto her.  Just because a woman chooses to relax her shaving regimen in the winter is not indicative of a lack of respect for herself OR her boyfriend.  I think you were out of line with your attack advice.

draymond
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:48 pm: [report]

I think that both women have a lack of imagination.

Presuming that the first woman trusts her boyfriend, the next time he makes a joke about shaving her legs she should say “OK, so do it.” then take her favorite magazine to the bathroom and have a seat.  Any of three things will occur: he will find this a fantastic turn-on, she will find it a fantastic turn-on, and he will realize exactly how much work it takes to completely shave a pair of legs.

As to the second letter, you should have been harsher with her.  How do we really learn that we are relationship material for each other?  By how well we enjoy doing lavish and unique things together? Or by how we enjoy doing ordinary things together like home cooked meals, watching a DVD, lunch at a fast food place, going on a scenic drive, taking a walk together through the park?  Those are the things that will tell us whether or not we are relationship material.  Because that is what the vast majority of together time will be in a committed relationship.  Or even more so how about learning more about the business he is starting and providing moral support?  Because let’s be honest here, if she is going to go from smitten to committed, much less the M word, his finances will become their finances, his business their business.

peacock
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:49 pm: [report]

How about you tell your boyfriend if he wants your legs to be shaved to go turn on the shower and he can do it for you?

Frederica Bimble
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:51 pm: [report]

bogart 4017:  “playful type?” more likely “passive aggressive” type.  Making “jokes” or teasing is a classic way for those who engage in passive aggressive behaviour to state their displeasure instead of just coming out and saying, “I really like your legs when they’re smooth.”

Playful type?  Doubtful.

cooldad
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:57 pm: [report]

Once the leg hair grows in, it’s barely noticeable as it’s soft.  I see nothing wrong with not shaving in the winter.  I don’t shave on weekends or vacations.  My wife gives me grief over my scruffy face after a week of no shaving & I either shave or deal with her displeasure, but I don’t get bent out of shape about it.

She might be overreacting to his teasing.  It sounds like she has issues with the media expectations of women.

For the second, there are many inexpensive fun things to do.  You can have the best of both worlds by going out with your upscale friends for dinner and other things.  Also, it’s not like he’s an unemployed slacker

ohnoyoudidnt
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:57 pm: [report]

The first letter…well, I wouldn’t be that harsh.  I started getting lax on my shaving and then my bf started making uncomfortable jokes about it until I got the hint.  He does certain things because I like them, why can’t I do something that he likes?  I am starting to get back into doing it everyday (it’s a pain in the ass but it grows fast) and at least every other day.  I heard Gloria Estefan give her advice on how one can keep a man happy, even many years into marriage…she said “Keep shaving your legs.”  Simple advice…and I agree, it’s something that’s easy and inexpensive to do that men appreciate.

nikkiwikki
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:57 pm: [report]

Well said, justsomegirl!

Queen Frostine
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 02:58 pm: [report]

My husband does the playful thing when my legs are stubbly and it’s NOT passive agressive. Sometimes I just get too busy and don’t have time to shave. He doesn’t insist on smooth legs 24-7 but if they’re extra prickly he’ll lovingly call me a hedgehog. Stubbly legs and five o’clock shadows have NEVER stopped sexy times. 10 years together, we’ve just more relaxed about all that stuff. Got to laugh at yourself, you know?

hlnbabe
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:05 pm: [report]

I think Wendy’s point was that KC is being hypercritical of someone’s opinion, when the whole concept of shaving our legs when they’re exposed is because of the opinion of others.

I don’t think Wendy is saying the girl’s unhygienic or wrong to not shave her legs; rather, maybe her boyfriend doesn’t understand why suddenly she’s stopped shaving her legs and her being super presumptuous that her boyfriend’s a chauvinist dummy might be a bit premature.

We shave our legs in the summer or when we’re dating because we don’t want to be seen with hairy legs. Shockingly, when we are dating someone we assume that it’s their ignorance that they don’t like our hairy legs.

Do you like a guy with a 5 O’clock shadow going down on you? No? Shocking… doesn’t mean you’re a dumb little school girl.

Likesuchas
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:07 pm: [report]

I loved the advice for the first letter. Wendy makes an excellent point . . . the author of the letter shouldn’t be shaving her legs for the outside world to see during the summer, and then taking her boyfriend for granted by insisting he should embrace her seasonal feminist hippie love-me-love-my-hairy-ass attitude which really just boils down to laziness.

I shave everything, every day (and that’s still not quite enough since my hair grows fast, ideally I’d do it twice a day. I should really get waxed). Sometimes if I didn’t do such a good job and I feel a bit of stubble, I apologize to my boyfriend. He always responds by saying how much he appreciates the work I do go to to stay smooth for him. I think he probably had a past girlfriend who was lazy. I don’t pry.

But I think guys notice and do care. A lot. I think women who are going to try and give leg hair some higher meaning should be growing it year-round, otherwise I call BS.

Wendy Atterberry
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:10 pm: [report]

Look, if people like the way their significant others groom themselves, whether it be shaved legs, a clean-shaven face, trimmed nose and ear hairs, and then suddenly that grooming goes by the wayside during part of the year, not because it isn’t needed anymore but simply because the significant others are lazy, people have every right to feel offended/annoyed/turned off.

Say what you want about people having the right to do whatever they want with their bodies; I say if you have a significant other and you want to keep him or her attracted to you, it’s your job to maintain your personal grooming, hygiene, and fitness habits. Sure, it’s your prerogative to change your habits, but it’s absolutely their right not to like those changes and to tell you they don’t like them.

vivicat
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:13 pm: [report]

I doubt that laziness is the only reason the woman in the first letter isn’t shaving her legs in the winter. I have dry skin, which sometimes get so bad in the winter that even applying lotion twice a day it can be hard not to claw my legs bloody. Shaving makes any dry skin I have worse, especially in winter. Thankfully, I have a very understanding/practical boyfriend who would rather I shave less than be scratching my legs raw all night in bed, but apparently we can’t all be so lucky.

Lynn
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:15 pm: [report]

I think it really depends on #1. If she is shaving every day in the summer and now it’s just once or twice a week, big whoop. He should deal with it IMO. Shaving is even worse in the winter, at least for me, because it dries my skin out. I probably only do it twice a week now. But if she’s not shaving for two weeks straight or longer, I don’t think his expectations are unrealistic and she doesn’t have the right to get all huffy. Does it kind of suck that people have to keep up with unnatural grooming to stay attractive? Yeah. But just because it’s a bit of work doesn’t mean you should just totally give up on bleaching your ‘stache or shaving your legs or washing your hair. And if you do give that stuff up, don’t act surprised when you aren’t popping boners up right and left.

@H.Blue - when did you start shaving? I ask because I started when I was 10 or 11 and I was one of the last girls in my class to jump on that train.

nikkiwikki
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:15 pm: [report]

That’s FINE that you think that, even though I completely disagree. But you were heartless with your advice! Heartless and mean.

Wendy Atterberry
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:15 pm: [report]

Oh, and I never said a thing about hygiene in my reply to the first letter. That was someone else’s word. The word i used was “grooming.” There’s a big difference. Grooming is about appearance, not cleanliness, but of course, both are important when it comes to keeping our significant others happy.

Riley
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:20 pm: [report]

Good advice all around. 

I’m with others, I think KC is just being lazy and trying to use unrealistic media expectations as a lame justification.

Pirate Bunny
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:22 pm: [report]

Not getting fat and letting your fuzz grow in part of the year aren’t really the same thing.  Not buying it.  The idea of staying attractive for your SO is very very true, but I don’t find that shaving constantly affects attractiveness levels.  Besides, freshly shaven legs aren’t nearly as exciting when they are a constant.  Sometimes a break from it can lead to some extra thrill when you do shave, boys and girls and all body parts included.

The writer of the first note didn’t say she didn’t shave at all for the entire winter, just that she shaves less.  She isn’t stopping shaving from here on out just because she has her bf hooked now.  She just wants a break from doing it constantly for a few months.  She is doing what most women do, shave less in the winter.

Wendy Atterberry
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:23 pm: [report]

@nikkiwkki, Keep up the name-calling and I’ll have you banned from commenting on my columns. It’s okay to disagree, but I will not tolerate personal attacks.

JazzHale
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:27 pm: [report]

Letter 1: I’m amazed at how women are called “lazy” because they don’t want to shave. That’s just flat out rude! Tons of ppl don’t like to shave. Now I shave, but not everyday. I don’t need to. But to call another woman “lazy” for not shaving, b/c she has a boyfriend is just mean. Is she lazy for not cooking and waiting on him hand and foot too? You know what Wendy, if the guy pays for all the shaving gels, creams, and razors, or the waxing sessions, sure maybe I could understand. But I bet he doesn’t. So no, she’s not lazy, or a bad person. Jeez!

BlueVibe
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:28 pm: [report]

Girl 1: How infrequently are we talking here?  I shave legs once a week, summer and winter.  My boyfriend has teased me about my slightly-stubbly legs before, but has been told in no uncertain terms that life is too short to spend it shaving.  (Pits are kept stubble-free, though, because stubbly pits itch, and shaved pits keep clothes cleaner in a warm climate.)

Girl 2: So, find cheaper stuff to do together.  Neither my boyfriend nor I make much, and he’s trying to save to go back to school (to remedy the not-making-much bit), so we do cheap dinners, or dinners in, or go places where we can walk around and look at stuff for cheap or for free.  (The art museum here is free on Thursday evenings, and it has a cafe where we can meet for dinner.)  If his having money RIGHT NOW is that important to you, maybe you’re not as smitten as you think.

koshka
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:29 pm: [report]

And if you do give that stuff up, don’t act surprised when you aren’t popping boners up right and left.

@lynn hilarious and true!

hlnbabe
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:39 pm: [report]

@lynn: HAHA! Dead on.

Keeper
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:40 pm: [report]

wWhat bothers me about the first instance is she does it in the summer….for the benefit of what other people think?....but won’t do it for him year round.  So apparently it’s worth it to do for him AND others in the winter, but not just for him in the winter.

justsomegirl
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:49 pm: [report]

oh, excuse me, I mean embrace your womanhood

Even given the rather weak link between womanhood and leg hair, that’s a pretty scathing way of phrasing it.  In print, the tone just comes across as nasty.  Maybe it wasn’t intended that way, but it just seems that way to me. 

I think coming down that hard on someone’s personal preferences for their body over that of their significant other is rather contradictory to the usual tone of this site.  It seems to me that the boyfriend just makes the best of it, with some subtle (or not-so-subtle) signals that he likes it better when she shaves.  Calling him a schoolboy is probably unwarranted.  But then, so is decreeing that she should shave just for his pleasure.  If he were demanding she keep up with her brazilian waxes when she decided to take a break, for example, would your advice to her still stand? 

Just because the hair in question is farther south, and the removal method less agonizing but more of a time commitment doesn’t mean an alteration of her personal grooming is a slight to anyone in the relationship.  It just means hair removal in general is a pain, and when she gets a chance to skip a few days in between, she takes it.

Riley
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 03:54 pm: [report]

@JazzHale - Not wanting to shave as much in the winter months is one thing, just tell him that.  There is no need to try and act like there is some stand being taken against the evil media’s objectification of women and unrealistic standards. 

I think it is lazy that she’ll push this off to some societal issue rather than own it as hers.

spatula
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:03 pm: [report]

I don’t see how admittedly not wanting to keep up with shaving because it’s the winter qualifies as embracing your womanhood. When I have Chewbacca legs, the last thing I feel is feminine and lovely.

I don’t think you should have to shave at all if you don’t want, but call a spade a spade…don’t slack on shaving because it’s winter and you can get away with it more, and then try to equate it to embracing your womanhood..we are not talking bra burning here, this is leg hair.

libbylovespink
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:06 pm: [report]

Go Wendy!!

MuchoMacho
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:12 pm: [report]

im required to shave my face every day, regardless of season.  maybe i slack on weekends, if we dont have plans, but it is being lazy to shave less in the winter.  its not embracing your womanhood.  sport some furry legs all summer and attract a man attracted to that look if you dont want your SO grossed out by your wooly mammoth calves.

tk_2009
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:14 pm: [report]

You know what’s awesome about being a man? When it gets really cold out you can grow a really thick, bushy beard, because it’s like a scarf for your face. Then you don’t have to shave every day (sometimes twice if you’re going out that night) and you can embrace your masculinity. Also, grow out your sideburns, and don’t forget the neck beard! You know why I don’t give in to this lazy, luxurious extra facial warmth? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not because I am constantly bombarded by commercials for razors with 17 blades, a lubricating strip and a magical device that lets you fly a jet and have six-pack abs and punch through a brick wall. It’s because I feel like Grizzly Adams and my wife would hate it. That’s right, I keep a clean face because my wife prefers it and I feel better about life when I do. Does she give me a hard time if I don’t shave all weekend? Usually not, but I know what she likes, because that’s part of my job as a loving partner, and I do it to please her. Yes it’s extra work, no it’s not as much work as shaving legs, but it’s the same concept and we all have to deal with the hand we’ve been dealt. Maybe society tells us certain physical aspects are more accepted than others, but if you shave your legs because that’s what a real lady does that’s a different issue than the one we’re dealing with here.

Christinaval
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:20 pm: [report]

LOL Lynn, thanks. I started shaving around 10, I was an early bloomer. And to everyone coming down on Wendy for this…look, she is right. Just because she is calling a spade a spade and just because it’s a WOMAN she’s calling out, doesn’t mean that Wendy is a woman hater! I always see so much about feminism on this site and I guess some women think that means that in every situation the woman is right and should be praised and men should always be bashed. Wendy comes down hard on men and women alike. She’s real, and she’s RIGHT!

bumbler
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:24 pm: [report]

Eh I wouldn’t want to be with someone that is that high maintenance same as the guy who would break up with someone over sweatpants.  He’s totally within his rights to only be attracted to a woman who shaves her legs everyday but I’m going to laugh at him for having expectations like that.  *shrug*

casablancas
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:34 pm: [report]

Yes, men have to shave every day, but they get to do it with nice, safe, electric razors on a small surface area. I use a disposable razor balanced on one foot in a dimly lit dorm shower without my glasses on. It’s hardly a fair comparison. Anyways, her guy has every right to express his opinions about Keeping Cozy’s furry legs, as it seems he’s being a real sport about the situation anyways. But she shouldn’t be skewered for a little laziness, even if she’s unjustified in her whining about her boyfriend’s comments.

As for your advice to Sugar Mama - right on.

Queen Frostine
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:35 pm: [report]

I shave my legs and groom myself according to MY tastes and preferences. It’s my body and I do what makes me feel good. I’ve never asked a man what he prefers because it’s not his body and he doesn’t live in it.

My husband, in all of ten years, has never ceased to be aroused because of stubble. In fact, I’ve tried to make excuses before because my legs were too stubbly for me to feel sexy and his response was, “Oh shut up and come here”.

theattack
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:36 pm: [report]

@Christinaval, Feminism is absolutely not about women always being right. It’s about men and women being equal. Please don’t confuse feminism with men-hating.

Obviously she can do whatever she wants with her body. I hate when my legs are hairy. I shave because I hate feeling hair on my legs when I rub them together while falling asleep. But in the winter, the second I step out of the shower, I get goosebumps and it grows back. Keeping smooth legs in the winter is nearly impossible, and if your skin is dry, it can HURT and BLEED as well. By opting out of that, she’s not disrespecting her partner. She’s keeping her body comfortable and not wasting her time.

To answer the letter writer’s question, you don’t have to approach it in such a broad, extensive way. Yes, you could have the conversation about the media, but you could also just comment after he teases you that you don’t do it as often in the winter because of (insert your reason here). But ultimately, he’s just teasing you. He’s not calling you names and telling you that you’re a bad girlfriend. And he still makes you feel sexy and touches your legs? It’s obviously not a HUGE deal to him then either. It seems that you’re putting words in his mouth, so to speak. I think you should calm down and briefly explain your reasons to him when the time is appropriate and leave it at that. And if he doesn’t feel like shaving all the time, then obviously you shouldn’t say anything about it either.

theattack
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:37 pm: [report]

@Christinaval, I just re-read your comment. I misunderstood what you said. Sorry for that.

Ginacakes
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 04:54 pm: [report]

@Wendy- I’m don’t think nikkiwikki was name-calling. Your responses to both letters seemed a bit mean to me as well. And no personal attacks? Well, again, to me both of your responses closely resembled personal attacks. Advice and condescension are not the same thing.

Christinaval
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 05:08 pm: [report]

@theattack, thanks, I was like huh?? I agree with your comment, well said!

FrzKey
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 05:16 pm: [report]

I most whole heartedly agree with Ginacakes. The intent might not have been one to come down on the hurtful snippy side but that is pretty much the way the first response comes off. Seriously talking about someone’s personal shaving habits like it’s hygiene instead of an elective beautification process seems the very opposite of “nice” or even “helpful” to me.

So tell me, what’s the opposite of nice again? And the other word I should be using for it that doesn’t count as name calling?

Smellory
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 05:31 pm: [report]

I was so upset about this advice that it inspired me to make my first comment on the Frisky.

How can you say that not shaving your legs implies a lack of respect for your boyfriend or yourself? Yes, her boyfriend probably prefers her with shaved legs. He probably prefers her without wrinkles, without thinning hair, and without stretch marks too. If your line of thinking holds up, ‘keeping cozy’ should have enough ‘respect’ for herself to get plastic surgery and spend hundreds of dollars and untold time keeping herself exactly the way her boyfriend prefers.

Would you have given the same advice to someone who gained a few pounds and her boyfriend was making playful comments about it? Would you have told her she was ‘lazy’ and told her that she should want to ‘look and feel good for him’? I certainly hope not.

And furthermore, your threat toward nikkiwikki certainly doesn’t lend itself to the open and honest discussion I’m used to seeing here on The Frisky.

2468
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 05:46 pm: [report]

Eliot Spitzer’s hooker gives better advice.

Oh Kathryn!
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 06:06 pm: [report]

Wendy, please explain to me why it is a bad thing that a woman may not shave her legs during the winter? Last time I checked it was very much more important for a woman to be comfortable in her own skin than care what her significant other thinks about something as silly as leg hair. You generally give good advice but shame on you for making it sound like a woman should HAVE to upkeep for someone other than herself.

Pamela
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 06:15 pm: [report]

I’m with wendy in both letters

seriously?? for letter no1
come on, shaving takes only 5minutes max when you’re in the shower, not shaving is just being lazy. I mean, if I didnt have a boyfriend I wouldn’t be shaving in the winter, but now that I do, I do shave. Because I know he does things to also be well kept so that sexy time is, well, sexy.

If I were in the place of the boyfriend, that would be a complete turn-off. So, just because its cold outside, you won’t be showering?

syk123456
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 06:20 pm: [report]

three cheers for wendy on the first one! i get miffed if the guy doesn’t shave/maintain his face when we’re going out on the first few dates… it shows me he doesn’t care about making a good impression. i can’t imagine what her poor boyfriend feels about himself when she won’t even shave her legs.

theattack
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 06:21 pm: [report]

@Pamela, What? No one said anything about not showering. Not sure where you got that.

Pamela
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 06:26 pm: [report]

@theattack
I know, it was just an example. Personally, I give the same importance to showering and not having hair on legs and armpits, it’s about being well-kept in my book.

fallonthecity
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 06:32 pm: [report]

Geez, Wendy, pretty harsh today.  Also, calling your advice “mean” is name-calling now?

I agree that it’s ridiculous to assume that the boyfriend is being some kind of sexist media-drunk idiot for joking on her leg hair.  But she doesn’t owe the guy smooth legs, either.  If she doesn’t want to shave her legs as often in the winter (I can’t more than about twice a week without making my dry skin worse—so take your pick, dudes, stubble or gator hide?) she can just tell him so.  It doesn’t have to be as complicated as she’s making it.

AnitaBath
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 06:39 pm: [report]

I didn’t think Wendy was saying that it’s a god-awful thing she isn’t shaving her legs. I thought Wendy was more calling her out on her bs. She tried to come up with all of these other reasons and put words in her boyfriend’s mouth to justify her laziness. I’m not saying the laziness is bad. Heck, I’m awful at shaving my legs and it’s out of pure laziness, but like someone else said, she should call a spade a spade.

Wendy Atterberry
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 06:57 pm: [report]

Thank you, AnitaBath, you hit the nail on the head. I found the first letter really condescending and ridiculous and came down on her for it. I mean, come on, her boyfriend’s a “school boy” because he teases her for hot shaving her legs. She’s embracing her “womanhood” by not shaving in the winter? It’s the media’s fault for placing unrealistic expectations on her boyfriend, when in fact she’s the one who buys in to those expectations herself three seasons of the year?? Puh-leeze! She doesn’t shave in the winter because she’s lazy. Nothing really wrong with that, but I call ‘em like I see ‘em.

And for everyone who keeps making this a feminist issue or about WOMEN not needing to do anything with her body she doesn’t want to, you’re missing the point. This isn’t a question of men vs. women. This is about doing your part to keep yourself looking good for your partner, whether you’re a woman OR a man. If you’re with someone who likes smooth legs and you don’t feel like shaving more than a couple times a month, well, that’s your right, but don’t be shocked when your significant other isn’t “popping boners left and right,” to quote and earlier commenter.

powplz
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 06:58 pm: [report]

if you have a significant other and you want to keep him or her attracted to you, it’s your job to maintain your personal grooming, hygiene, and fitness habits.

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-how-typical-im-putting-on-the-pounds-after-getting-married/

Maybe you should be a little kinder with advice that you have trouble implementing in your own life?

Wendy Atterberry
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:04 pm: [report]

@fallonthecity, calling my ADVICE mean is one thing; calling ME mean and heartless is something else and I simply will not tolerate it. I spend a lot of time thinking about each letter I reply to, weighing different options, reading between the lines, getting to the real nugget of what is being asked, as well as why it’s being asked. I don’t always give advice people want to hear, I don’t always “side” with the letter-writer, and I certainly don’t always give popular advice, but to call me heartless is unacceptable.

Pirate Bunny
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:05 pm: [report]

@Wendy
I totally agree that she was being a brat and putting crazy spin on her bf’s teasing.

Also, I am not in love with the term “popping boners left and right,” but I can’t remember who first said it.  I thank you, that person, and so will my bf when I start using it when he gets home.

And now I want to shave my legs to surprise my bf tomorrow, even though I’ll be all bumpy and itchy and red the next few days.

Pirate Bunny
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:06 pm: [report]

Crap, I AM in love with the term “popping boners left and right”!  I don’t know how that ‘not’ got in there!

Wendy Atterberry
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:14 pm: [report]

@Joyy That post I wrote was me acknowledging that I’d started getting flabby, something I thought and continue to think is unfair to my husband. Since writing that, I’ve been exercising five times a week and cooking more healthful meals at home.

fallonthecity
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:15 pm: [report]

@Wendy: I must have misread the original comment—I thought she said that your replies were mean and heartless, but if she was calling you mean and heartless, I agree.

powplz
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:21 pm: [report]

@wendy - no offense meant on that, btw.  In fact I’m still working off last year’s winter weight.  It just seems hypocrtical to be so harsh on getting a little lazy with ourselves now and then given your own backslide in the personal upkeep dept.

theattack
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:22 pm: [report]

@fallonthecity, When I read her comment, I also assumed it meant that Wendy’s REPLY was mean - not Wendy herself. I still think that’s what she meant. Not worth blocking someone’s comments over IMO.

@Wendy, I think you’re probably being harsh on yourself with the weight gain thing. Surely your husband doesn’t expect you to have a perfect body for the rest of your lives together, and I’m betting that’s not why he married you. Guess this comment should probably be on the other post.

ACooper
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:23 pm: [report]

I am a bit shocked at the hating going on here, regardless of if I agree or not.  Keep answering letters as usual, Wendy!

fallonthecity
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:29 pm: [report]

@theattack: Yeah, I really don’t think she meant it that way either… I scrolled back up and re-read it again to be sure, haha.  But, where she says:

But you were heartless with your advice!

it’s kind of ambiguous, I guess, since she used that specific phrasing (“you were heartless”).

Wendy Atterberry
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:31 pm: [report]

@Joyy I’m not a hypocrite. I noticed my laziness and I’m doing something about. And believe me, I am way, way, WAY harder on myself than I am on anyone I give advice to.

powplz
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:41 pm: [report]

That’s my point - you’re being way too hard all around.  Everyone gets a little lazy with themselves now and then.  Because we’re all human.  Would you feel personally offended if your husband put on some stress weight or grew a beard in the winter?  I would hope not.

Pamela
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:43 pm: [report]

come on! you are making this way bigger than it really is

it’s just a fun advice column, if you like it then take it, if not you may be permitted to go on and live your life

Wendy was being honest and direct, I rather have that than a honey-coatted paragraph when the girl was making herself sound like a victim

AnitaBath
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:46 pm: [report]

It is a little odd to me that a post about leg shaving got as many comments as most of the articles where everyone is heatedly debating religion, abuse, or controversial relationship issues. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Ginacakes
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 07:59 pm: [report]

I personally just found her advice to be rude. Not necessarily what she said, but how she said it. If I write to someone asking advice, I certainly don’t expect to be mocked in the process.

develange
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 08:05 pm: [report]

Hmm, mixed feelings about the first one. It depends how often you’re seeing your boyfriend/he’s seeing your legs. If you’re hanging out nearly every day, yeah, its annoying to have to be super smooth every day, plus cold is a factor.

I’ve been spoiled, I guess. My bf doesn’t really give a crap about my hair, though I prefer hairless legs and pits. But the New England cold makes it nearly impossible to keep smooth legs 24/7 (goosebumps = prickles).

Here’s a trick: if your boyfriend is into long socks or stockings, wear those. Sometimes if it’s too freakin’ cold or I’m feeling lazy, I’ll put on cute knee socks or stockings and just shave my thighs if needed. It’s a win-win!

Red_Lady
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 08:58 pm: [report]

I agree Wendy - when you’re in a relationship you should do things to make your partner happy.  I’ve dropped (maybe-not-so) subtle hints to my bf about his stubble, and now he’s really good about shaving on days we see each other (well, most of the time at least)  It’s just what you do when you care about someone.

Humble Bee
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 09:41 pm: [report]

jesus, after reading all the posts I don’t even know what to say write..
I agree with Wendy, because it all comes down to a simple, you treat people the way you want to be treated.
The second letter, she is exaggerating!
If he’s so cheap, just stop “dating” him, but if she really likes him, give him a chance, he has a goal and he’s working towards it.

Susie
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 10:32 pm: [report]

@Wendy

I love this column and think you did the right thing to come down hard on this girl. There’s a lot of “if he loves me he won’t care what I look like” crap out there, and while that’s true, a relationship is all about being happy together. Part of that is making sure you do your best to keep your partner as happy as you can about your appearance. TK_2009 said it best when he said it’s all part of being a loving partner. It’s a matter of respect and a way for her to show him she’s not taking him for granted.
Her boyfriend is teasing her because he wants her to shave and can’t just come out and tell her. They need to come to an agreement about it, if nothing else.

nikkiwikki
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 10:55 pm: [report]

@Wendy, I certainly wasn’t trying to personally attack you, it was the advice I had a problem with. Now, however, I feel inclined to. Zing!

driftingfocus
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 11:04 pm: [report]

Honestly, I’ve only shaved my legs a couple times in my life (to see what it was like), and I’ve never had trouble finding or keeping a man.  In fact, they usually don’t care, and I generally get more flak from women about it than men.  I’m blonde, so it’s light, but it’s still there.  I think that men care about it a lot less than we think they do.

Likesuchas
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 11:11 pm: [report]

I’m a little confused by the comparison of shaving one’s legs for a partner (who likes smooth legs) as being equivilant to losing weight for a partner (who likes you thin).

Shaving requires the investment of razors, a lubricant (even just soap), and a few minutes. Losing weight requires a lot of effort, willpower, sometimes an increase in spending for better food, and an awful lot of time spent exercising. They’re not really equivilant.

(Though, after 3 years with my boyfriend, I’ve started shaving every day no matter what, lost 20 lbs, and in general am taking better care of myself though I still want to improve. I don’t think it’s a good idea to let myself go unless I want to let him go.)

dharmagirl
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 11:13 pm: [report]

Wendy, your column is probably my favorite on this site, but I don’t know what the heck is going on with you in the comments today.  Why are you even responding?  You know when you are in the public eye people may disagree with you or take a dislike to you, and that is just par for the course.  You don’t have to justify yourself, it is YOUR column!  Take a deep breath, and step away from the keyboard!

Likesuchas
wrote on December 16 2009 @ 11:20 pm: [report]

@driftingfocus . . . that’s great. You don’t shave your legs, and you attract guys who are fine with/into that. But there are an awful lot of men who for whatever reason aren’t into that, and women shouldn’t expect to date a guy who prefers hairless legs and then get upset when they stop shaving and he doesn’t like it. And furthermore, place the blame on him for not liking it.

ABPink$ta
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 01:01 am: [report]

I dont agree with the response to the first one. The responder makes her sound gross for not shaving her legs when its just not true! Advice should be solicited not a rant about her decision not to shave her legs. I found it to be completely rude.

JazzHale
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 01:07 am: [report]

Well with the article and these responses, I just find it so amusing. Now I come on this site daily, I rarely comment. I always see articles and comments on how Twilight is so “awful” for teenage girls like myself. How we shouldn’t let boys control our life or habits. Weird how this article basically points out that I should strive to make my boyfriend happy, especially since not shaving is “lazy” to some of you. So I shouldn’t love a guy like Bella in Twilight, but I should shave everyday, keep in shape, and god forbide if I get “lazy” just to keep a guy happy? No wonder my generation is so confused. Between the “big bad media” and articles and sites like these, who needs peer pressure?! Cheers!

Monrae
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 02:04 am: [report]

I very rarely shave my legs because my hair is thin and I have very dry and irritable skin, and my boyfriend(along with past) have never cared either way. Like one previous poster said if I do shave my BF thinks it’s a special occassion. Hah.

There is alot of commotion in this thread however about shaving legs.
everybody should feel comfy in their own smooth or prickly skin and should do it for themselves and no one else. Like my BF thinks I like it when he shaves his chest, I actually HATE it because it gets pokey. Ouch! Anyway I think maintaing your appearance is nice and thoughtful but if your man doesn’t want to be intimate with you because you did t shave your legs I think that’s a little ridiculous and immature.

Sorry I kind of rambled and probably made many grammatical and spelling errors. Cheers!

sparklestar
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 04:46 am: [report]

Why *wouldn’t* you shave your legs regularly? It’s not like it’s hard !! I’ve been shaving mine in the shower since I was 11 and it would not occur to me not to do it, ever. Even if I’m not going out in dresses my boyfriend is still going to see.

If you don’t care enough about your personal grooming habits, why should he care about his? I’m sure you’d be on his case if he stopped shaving his face/showering.

driftingfocus
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 07:09 am: [report]

@Likesuchas:  Oh yes, I’m not saying that she’s not being unfair - she is.  I was just responding to the many commenters who seem to think it is heinous not to shave your legs, and that you won’t get much male attention if you don’t.  I think she *is* being unfair, because she’s sort of changing the terms, if you will.  If she had never shaved her legs, and then he asked her to, I’d say that he’s the only being unfair, since it was assumed that since he started dating her when she didn’t shave, that he was okay with it.  But, since she clearly does shave most of the time, he’s totally within his rights to make an occasional teasing remark.

og217
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 07:13 am: [report]

Go Wendy!  I was dreading reading your advice to the first question, thinking its going to be some man-bashing thing thats come to be standard advice fare, but you totally rock!  What is it with people wanting to present a great facade but then as soon as a relationship is official, degenerate into a hairy mess with a spare tire, uncontrollable gas and a stained t-shirt with holes?  I don’t understand why people WANT to be fat, burpy and dumpy ASAP, but I understand even less those people’s insistence that their partners like it, love it, accept it, etc.  Seriously, being happy, comfortable and relaxed doesn’t HAVE to look like Tony Soprano after a bender, people.  Or the female equivalent - Rosie O’Donell.

bumbler
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 07:48 am: [report]

Ok let’s stop comparing shaving regularly to showering.  It’s like saying because you don’t get your hair trimmed regularly you might as well not be brushing your teeth.

Fast Eddie
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 07:49 am: [report]

RE: hairy legs, if you let them grow out they become soft and this idea of shaving is a personal and culture bias.  My wife never shaved any thing and it doesn’t bother me a bit.  On the other hand if it’s long enough to be braided…

Sugar Mama: If you can afford him what’s your problem?  Why is it OK for a woman to be financially dependent on a man and not the other way around?  When my wife and I first got together I was broke, unemployed, and deep in debt.  She paid for everything.  I still don’t understand why she kept me but we worked together and lived modestly.  Now we have an extremely comfortable retirement with a large portfolio a big house and take expensive vacations.  Why did she take me on?  Her answer: Cute butt.

Riley
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 08:21 am: [report]

@Bumbler - I don’t brush my teeth or floss.

bumbler
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 08:28 am: [report]

@Riley But I bet your legs are perfectly shaved.

Riley
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 08:37 am: [report]

@Bumbler - Only one leg, and for reasons that are still illegal in 45 states and Puerto Rico.

bumbler
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 09:43 am: [report]

@Riley That explains the mongoose I saw you walking around with earlier.  Kinky.

MuchoMacho
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 09:45 am: [report]

@Riley That explains the mongoose I saw you walking around with earlier.  Kinky.

they kill cobras.

Riley
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]

@MuchoMacho - That isn’t the only hooded snake they slay.

MuchoMacho
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]

@riley - i spent 6 hours on tuesday youtubing “mongoose vs”...  thailand is crazy.  crazy awesome.

Riley
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 09:59 am: [report]

My comment was more in the perverse innuendo department.  Those videos are crazy though.

ydragurl
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 10:31 am: [report]

To echo what many of you have already stated, I think that Wendy was harsh when she said that women who don’t shave in the winter time are lazy.  I admit, a large part of why I don’t shave as often during the cold months is because my legs won’t be on display.  But there is another important reason I don’t shave as frequenty during that time. I shave in the summer because I like the feel of smooth, supple, hairless legs.  And while my legs are hairless after I shave in the winter, my skin is still dry and rough due to the cold. My thinking is, why invest the time to shave every day when I’m not going to get the desired results? That’s not lazy, that’s sensible, IMO.

A distinction must be made between being “lazy” and letting oneself go and simply having weather-dependent grooming habits.  I mean, I get regular pedicures in the summer because I want my feet to look pretty in sandals, but because I forgo that practice in the winter I’m lazy?  I don’t buy that.

bumbler
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 10:45 am: [report]

*backing slowly away from the mongoose conversation*  I do think some of the reactions here are evidence of how we still view natural female body hair as unacceptable.  Imagine if the writer had said some weekends she doesn’t wear much makeup but she wears it for work.  Is it normal to expect her to be wearing a full face every time she and her boyfriend hang out at home watching movie on the couch?  Is it lazy?  Would we compare it to not showering?

Likesuchas
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]

@Jazz Hale, not letting a guy control your life and staying a decent person (in hygeine, grooming, and behavior) to not completely repulse your significant other are two different things.

nikkiwikki
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 12:33 pm: [report]

Smellory’s comment says it all!

auburnmomma
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 09:27 pm: [report]

Geesh, sometimes I am so happy to be married!  I don’t shave my legs as often in the winter, maybe once every three weeks or so.  I have extremely fine, light leg hair that I only need to shave once a week in the summer. I also have Psoriasis so shaving in general can actually cause major health issues, like staph from the pool because I shaved and my skin was raw (happened 8 times last year!).  I shaved yesterday morning in the shower because we were going to my husband’s Christmas party last night.  Afterward, during sexy time he actually commented on me shaving, said they felt dry and scratchy, and told me I was silly to have shaved since I wore pants.  God love that boy!  Also, I could care less about his stubbly weekend/vacation face.  His hair or lack thereof has nothing to do with me loving him.

FYI for all you dry skinned people out there:  There is a prescription lotion that totally rocks, just ask your doctor for a script.  It makes a world of difference and is actually cheaper than the over the counter crap.

symone
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 10:01 pm: [report]

Ok it takes a bitch to know a bitch, but Wendy can go to hell on the first one.

I don’t shave my legs unless I plan to show them off. Even in the summer if I’m not going to the pool, what’s the point!? Its not lazy, shaving sucks when you have chronic dry skin and eczema, and I would hardly call that a problem with grooming. If he cant handle my hatred for the razor, then he can kick rocks!

Sry for the echo, but grrr!!

vane
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 02:05 am: [report]

Wow, this is so disappointing.

Wendy, your “advice” for the first letter is ridiculously rude. I dunno if you’re going for the “cute-n-sassyinyourface” routine, but you kind of just come off as a tactless JERK.

tk_2009
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 09:34 am: [report]

I think there are some people here who are escaping the bounds of reality with their criticism of Wendy’s advice. First of all, stop dragging out the dry skin thing. Yes we get it, it’s a thing (happens to men too, for the record) but it wasn’t even hinted at in this letter. She didn’t mention skin conditions or prickly hairs after shaving or being cold or anything. For all we know she lives in South Florida. The sum total of the letter was this girl stating these things: 1) boyfriend is a little passive-aggressive in pointing out that she doesn’t shave as often 2) she doesn’t shave in the winter because somehow not shaving in the winter (as opposed to the summer) has something more to do with embracing womanhood 3) she calls her boyfriend (who admittedly still makes her feel sexy and treats her well, despite minor grumbling) a schoolboy, which is insulting on its own. Wendy calls BS, which is dead on in this case, because this letter comes off as sounding lazy and looking for a way to blame the boyfriend for what is admittedly the writer’s own laziness. Let’s not drag a bunch of fabricated mitigating issues into this when there are none stated. While these are legit for those of you suffering from them, I suspect if the writer had the same issues she would have mentioned them. So it purely comes down to what the writer is willing to do to please her mate, which seems to preclude leg shaving, in the winter at least.

MuchoMacho
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 09:46 am: [report]

Ok it takes a bitch to know a bitch, but Wendy can go to hell on the first one.

I don’t shave my legs unless I plan to show them off. Even in the summer if I’m not going to the pool, what’s the point!? Its not lazy, shaving sucks when you have chronic dry skin and eczema, and I would hardly call that a problem with grooming. If he cant handle my hatred for the razor, then he can kick rocks!

Sry for the echo, but grrr!!

good to know you dont consider being naked with your BF showing your legs to anyone…  we all love to know our SO’s give a shyt…

Yodar Critch
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 11:14 am: [report]

@Christinaval

“... First, 99% of all men think it’s NOT attractive when women have hairy legs.”

I think that percentage is way too high.  While there may be men to whom shaved legs is a deal breaker, I feel that the majority of men, in a relationship, don’t care that much.  And there are men who appreciate the natural beauty of a woman, hair and all.

I am in that group.  My lady cares about her shaved legs far more than I care about her legs.  Shaving is a pain in the leg and if a woman chooses not to shave, no biggie. 

Whether a woman shaves her legs or not, should not be anywhere close to a deal breaker.

SouthOC
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 11:15 am: [report]

Wendy Rocks!  Your advice is typically right on the money.

MuchoMacho
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 01:38 pm: [report]

@yodar - i agree that was a made up figure, but i think the writer shouldnt worry about what percentage of men are attracted to her…  she should CONSIDER what her SO is attracted to.  if you please 100% of your SO’s, then the rest of the world can go to hell. 

Yodar Critch
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 02:05 pm: [report]

Yup, there is only one woman I am concerned with pleasing and that is my Most Significant other. 

symone
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 02:11 pm: [report]

good to know you dont consider being naked with your BF showing your legs to anyone…  we all love to know our SO’s give a shyt…

@MM:  Fair enough.  I was going to elaborate, but I didn’t want my post to be too long.

However, I can’t help but think that being naked in front of my BF and wearing skirts and swimsuits in public would be considered showing them off, and in that case, I thought I said I would shave. Apparently, I was wrong…

I would like my SO to give a sh!t about me, but I’m not sure how me not wanting him to care about how often I shave my legs is somehow tied to me not wanting him to give a sh!t.  Again…I could be wrong.

MuchoMacho
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 02:21 pm: [report]

i care about my looks for my gf.  she cares about how she looks for me.  so if i was not attracted to stubble, she would make an effort to shave.  it being winter isnt an excuse.  if swimming or sunning are the only time ppl who care see your legs, grow out your fur, by all means.  but if ur bf doesnt like them stubbly, and you intend on letting him see/feel them in the winter, then you are ‘showing them off’ when he sees/touches them, imo, and should treat them the same way you do when other ppl see them.

tubbyhumptydance
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 02:35 pm: [report]

If you don’t care enough about your personal grooming habits, why should he care about his? I’m sure you’d be on his case if he stopped shaving his face/showering.

Exactly. When my fiance doesn’t feel like shaving her bikini zone (even though I love giving oral and she loves receiving it), I don’t feel like shaving my full beard into the goatee she likes so much. My beard grows VERY thick and VERY fast, so I can become Grizzly Adams in about 2 days.

symone
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 02:56 pm: [report]

@ MM: I agree. It’s nice that you go out of your way for her as she would for you and winter is a dumb reason not to shave. If my BF mentioned that he doesn’t like stubble, then yes I would try to get rid of it (at least when I know he’s expected over).  If he sits there and complains about it, then he doesn’t have to touch them.  Even the slight teasing like in the orig. post is enough to grate my nerves a little bit. I know that sounds a little spoiled, but I’ve never had a problem with men and my leg hair, other then them (informatively) telling me I missed a spot.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t not consider shaving for him if he had an issue with it.  That really would be unfair, especially if I expect him to be groomed when hes showing himself off to me. The complaining that comes if I just haven’t gotten around to it (or felt the need to do it that day…and we all have those days), however, isn’t gonna fly with me. That’s the impression I got from this article, anyway, and that was my stance.  I do see where you’re coming from tho, and even if you don’t agree, I hope this is clearer.

In the end, to each his own, I guess.

Iammina
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 08:44 pm: [report]

My husband doesn’t like hair any place on my body. He has a real hang up about women who have a lot of dark body hair. I think this phobia stems from living in Paris from the age of fifteen on. Good thing I am a pale blonde.

lani13
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 10:35 pm: [report]

my boyfriend doesn’t care if i have body hair. but he also knows that it’s rare for me to have any in the first place.  i shave in the winter for my own reasons, but i have no problem with letting it grow out.

and mina, thanks for making us brunettes feel inadequate

bethany356
wrote on December 18 2009 @ 11:15 pm: [report]

Growing up with cold New England winters,leg hair actually kept me warmer walking to school. The only time I would shave my legs was if I was going on a date. And I wasn’t the only one at my high school to do that.

og217
wrote on December 19 2009 @ 04:06 am: [report]

There is also laser hair removal.

But really, people are making shaving into some mideival torture routine that scars women’s delicate psyche and takes 6 hours a day.  Please. 

If you want to walk around like an orangutang, then do it year round and date men who still talk to you.  You can then conduct a statistical analysis of the exact percentage of men who like leg hair on women and dispute the 99% figure that an earlier post mentions.

Kate2009
wrote on December 19 2009 @ 06:22 am: [report]

Am I the only one who thinks a guy that accepts, and then cancels a date, because its too expensive, is really just trying to say he’s not interested?

AnitaBath
wrote on December 19 2009 @ 10:16 am: [report]

But really, people are making shaving into some mideival torture routine that scars women’s delicate psyche and takes 6 hours a day.  Please.

Speak for yourself. Every time I shave, I hear the screams of thousands of dying little leg hairs. My shrink says I’ll cope with it eventually.

meredith806
wrote on December 19 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]

It’s kind of funny that there 120+ posts all mostly debating a womans shaving habits. heh

My boyfriend never says anything about my legs because I’m neurotic about shaving and 98% of the time they’re hair-free.  But I also am quite aware of the fact that if my legs are particularly smooth and he happens to feel them, it leads to sex 100% of the time..he’s quite fond of my legs.  So it’s really a win-win for me haha

aurajrolf
wrote on December 22 2009 @ 08:21 pm: [report]

My boyfriend really love my hairy skin. I’m so lucky.

Murf
wrote on December 23 2009 @ 10:50 am: [report]

I don’t agree with the response to"hairy legs”. There’s no reason that either party should be taking this so seriously and no reason go so far as saying this girl has no respect for herself or her boyfriend. Yes her boyfriend and her differ on aspects of grooming but it’s something we learn to live with when we’re in a relationship. Some of us are anal about upkeep and others find it a relief when we can take an extra 5 minutes to sleep rather than shave in the winter. He boyfriend may have a preference for hairless legs but maybe a compromise is in order and she wears fluffy soft pj pants when she’s lounging around. They can be just as soft to touch.

I think the response letter just alienates the readers and the person that the author responded to. I am all for calling a spade a spade but there are more diplomatic ways to go about doing so. Ones that will make readers receptive rather than repulsed.

Murf
wrote on December 23 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]

I COMPLETELY agree with the author on the 2nd article. It’s hard when two people are in different spots in life and that alone can make people incompatible no matter HOW much you like them.

Maybe you aren’t as smitten as you thought…