Cheating For The Kids
Posted by: Annika Harris
Filed in:
relationships
11:30AM, Tuesday February 3rd 2009
I thought I had heard every excuse for cheating—it’s payback, my needs aren’t being met, I was drunk, etc.—but this excuse takes the cake. A woman revealed to an acquaintance that she is cheating for her kids. Yep, you read that right. She’s not planning on staying in her marriage, so she’s trying to find a daddy replacement for her children before kicking their jerky father to curb.
This woman thinks kids need two parents, an idea that has merit. But what she’s also saying is that a woman needs a man around at all times, a single parent can’t provide for a child like a couple can and that it’s okay to be dishonest, which are inappropriate lessons for her children. I just don’t get her. And to tell you the truth, I think her excuse is total BS. Children do indeed need nurturing from both genders, but that doesn’t mean the person has to be a parent. Although my father was present in my life after he and my mom divorced, she still made sure that I had other male role models in my life. However, a father who already has a relationship with his children can’t be replaced.
So what do you think? Is this woman’s reason for cheating reasonable? Can a parent be replaced? Is there a better solution for her plight? Let us know in the comments.
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HitOrMissJudy
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 11:54 am: [report]
Why doesn’t anybody ever say, “I’m cheating because I am a good liar, have no sense of empathy whatsoever, and am too chickenshit to leave my current relationship without another one in place?” I met a guy who said one of the reasons he cheated on his wife was because she spent too much on their daughter’s Bat Mitzvah. My eyes rolled so hard it hurt! A woman I know told me that “nobody” leaves their partner without a backup man/plan. Because, you know, god forbid you ever spend anytime alone.
og217
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 11:59 am: [report]
Oh please. She wants someone to dump her children on and she doesn’t want to be left alone. So, in case this fishing expedition for an upgrade doesn’t work out, she’ll stay with her current husband, cause anything is better than getting stuck with her kids and being unwanted by men. That’s what she’s afraid of, that no one will want her. She wants to take care of that.
EarthGoddess
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 12:16 pm: [report]
Now, I am the first to admit that I can sympathize with her not wanting to be alone, but she’s going about it all the wrong way. Once you have kids, their needs come before yours and she’s putting herself first completely. It’s just selfish ... as all cheating is.
kc.love
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]
there is no excuse for cheating. hitormissjudy is totally right… no one is brave enough to tell their partner the truth anymore… if you cheat you dont want to be with the one your with your just to afraid to leave them. its sad really.
CuteCora
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 12:20 pm: [report]
WOW! I beleive that might be the most un-reasonable, irrational comment to make! Sure lets go out and get laid by random people and hope one of them can be my new baby’s daddy.. let’s clrify , she does not need a new daddy, they have one she just needs or wants a new man, which she maybe entitled to, however the method in which she is doing is crap~ Also, minis the getting laid part, wouldn’t you want to know this person for a long time inand out of the bedroom before you introduce to the children and say hey this is your new daddy… if thats the case then how long can she hide the affairs from her husband until the lid blows…ummm , then think of ALLL the affects that could happen if he finds out, leaves her, takes the kids(maybe not a bad thing) or any # of things, then where will she be… desperate and snag some other random #&@$% to be the daddy.. I mean really, what the heck do these people think….
joyy
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 12:26 pm: [report]
LOL! My dad gave the same reason when I finally asked him why he cheated on my mom (they divorced when I was VERY young, only to remarry a year later, my poor mother). “The marriage was over and I needed to find someone to help care for my family” was what he told me - yeah f*#&#xin;g right. He’s a self-absorbed horn dog who won’t live without a woman around to cook/clean/do his laundry/take his #&@$% is the truth of it.
They were only divorced for about a year, but he had the new gf (and her terrible, terrible children) living with us almost immediately. My earliest memories are of that woman taking care of me, not my mother, whom I love.
This is not putting your children first - this is using your children as an excuse to be selfish ... and in my personal experience, that makes you much worse of a person/parent than being honest and actually putting your children’s needs before your own, like dealing with being a single parent and putting your own/love life on hold for a while (something my mother did by coming back).
dr.reddy
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 12:55 pm: [report]
I think whatever the reason be a divorce is anytime better than a bad marriage of mutual gains.
My parents never divorced eventhough my father was abusive and a maniac. My mother could not think that she could live without his medical insurance (she was not earning much). There is no help for kids for this mental torture. I wished my parents had divorced for any stupid reason albeit.
writergirl
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 04:21 pm: [report]
Joyy is totally right. The woman is using her children as an excuse to be selfish.
If she was any kind of mother, she would get a divorice without having someone waiting in the wings and take the knocks that come along with being a single parent.
Oh, but no, that would require maturity to do that, and obviously, this woman is sadly lacking in that department. Isn’t that what one does in high school? Troll the potential males before you dump your current boyfriend?
rttech82
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 05:40 pm: [report]
Kids of today are LAZY and only care for instant gratification, nothing else.
RT
http://www.real-privacy.us.tc
SummerLane
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 06:42 am: [report]
I put up with a cheating husband for 3 years because I was scared of being a single mom, scared of divorce, and wanted my son to have both of his parents. I kicked his cheating @$$ to the curb last June and have never been happier.
This woman is terrible. She obviously doesn’t understand how traumtizing the divorce will be for her children alone, and how much worse it will be to introduce “a new daddy” to he children. They will be so confused!
SeattleMama
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 12:01 pm: [report]
Oh, that is COLD. Selfish and cold.
Her kids HAVE a father… she just wants a warm body to make her feel wanted and someone to help her split the bills. Of course, the douchousity of the guys who would date a married woman is going to limit her choices somewhat… I would hazard a guess that most of them are NOT going to be interested in her long term (there’s a big leap between effing someone’s wife, and supporting her and her kids) and if she DOES find one, I would question his motives (as in, I hope she checks the sex offender registry).
Just, ew. All-around ew.
If a marriage is flawed to the point that children are miserable- by all means, divorce! But if one partner is just wanting to see if the grass is greener… well, some people just suck.
Tamara
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 03:38 pm: [report]
Cheating is cheating no matter how you dress it up it’s inexcusable. If you’re not happy leave, if you just want to screw around leave it’s that simple. I’m sure there are occasions where couples can work past it and have a long lasting relationship, but all in all don’t take the chance of ruining what you have.
As for this woman her actions are deplorable and unjustifiable. She doesn’t want to be with her husband anymore but she doesn’t want to own up to the prospect of being a single mother. In my opinion she’s lazy, she wants someone to be dependent on as she probably always has been her entire life and she doesn’t want to have to set an actual positive example for her kids by admitting she’s a moron. If the father is so bad, she should set out to work twice as hard to show her kids that they don’t need someone like him in their life and that there’s nothing wrong with that.
Parents cannot be replaced, I have a father and a stepfather, both of whom I consider my fathers. They both raised me, provided for me and though life was and is very hard at times I can count on either on of them for support. I never replaced my real father for my stepfather, I simply opened my mind and heart to accepting my stepfather as a third parent.
My solution to her plight? She needs a psychologist and possibly medication.