Girl Talk: Damnit, I Need A Man

tabby
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 01:39 pm: [report]

I am right there with you. I absolutely refuse to go to the car repair shop without either my father or my boyfriend in tow. I have learned from experience that I am significantly less likely to get “taken for a ride” if I bring a man with me. Once I brought my fabulous gay best friend who knows nothing about cars with me, and the mechanic talked almost exclusively to my friend about my car!

Kiki T
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 01:50 pm: [report]

When single, like now, I miss traveling with a boyfriend because I hate hauling all my luggage…and I hate this long, cold and bitter winter—no way girl, I’m right there with you. If it was all cake, there would never be a reason to want a partner.

joyy
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 02:01 pm: [report]

If you’re not good at fixing certain problems, why wouldn’t it make sense to reach out to someone who has exptertise in that area?  Granted, you don’t want to be totally dependent on others for everything, but you can’t expect to be able to solve every single life problem all by yourself - it’s unrealistic.  I mean, that’s what friends are for, right?

Krissy
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 02:10 pm: [report]

Are you kidding? Is your name Donna Reed and have you been transported from the 1950’s?  I’m sorry, that’s an insult to women from the 50’s and Donna Reed. This is appalling. Your feminist card was never revoked , because you never had one in the first place.

NLouise
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 02:19 pm: [report]

Hmmm. Yeah, for me, if I can’t do something, or if I don’t know HOW to do something, I feel personally challenged to figure it out. I don’t like the idea of having to rely on someone. Agency is important — you could be married to someone for 40 years, but he might kick the bucket and you’ll be left trying to figure out how to pay your bills or fix the television. I have never liked the feeling of being dependent on someone. I never played the Damsel in Distress very well, and I balk at the idea that just because a human has a penis, he can make better decisions about cars, gadgets, etc.

shufflegirl
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 02:24 pm: [report]

There are moments when I really wish a man was around. Like when I’m unable to open a jar, or when I decided to paint my room and didn’t realize I was too short to reach the ceiling.  I can also relate about the internet connection stuff as I have no clue about it.  With that said, if a man isn’t around you will still find a way to move your plasma tv or any other “manly” thing you need accomplished (even if it requires some new tactics, like wearing a low cut shirt when you go to the mechanic or reading some car magazines).  So I’d say you are a little sexist, or maybe just a little lazy and I think your feminist card is under review.

Arty
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 02:24 pm: [report]

As far as buying a car goes, the sexism isn’t the woman buying a car, it’s with the salespeople who still hold onto the notion that if you have a vagina you must have no idea how much a car ought to cost.

One other note: never equate technical skills with manliness! I could have gotten your internets up and working in a split, Amelia!

Spiff
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 02:29 pm: [report]

You aren’t rejecting feminism. You are simply recognizing skills and knowledge that you lack. One oft overlooked benefit of a relationship is the sharing of expertise. I am useless when it comes to fashion, so I need help…but I can fix anything.

WinkyFace
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 02:37 pm: [report]

I am completely dependent. I live by myself, and have been doing so for nearly 5 years. I found my place on my own, I furnished it on my own, I built all the furniture (even the heavy stuff that Crate and Barrel specifically said you need 2 people for), and I hung all the bookshelves. I hate, hate, HATE depending on others, not just because I think I’m always right, but also because I don’t want to be a burden and I don’t want to perpetuate the stereotype of being the damsel in distress.

That being said, the other night I was making spaghetti and couldn’t open the sauce jar. I tried every trick in the book to try to get it open. Finally, on the brink of tears, I just sat helplessly on the kitchen floor till my boyfriend showed up. Granted, I didn’t ASK him to help me, but the frustration on my face said it all. I swallowed my pride and let him open it for me effortlessly. So maybe I think it’s lame to ask for help to carry your luggage (maybe don’t pack so much?), fix your internet, or pick out a sensible car, but in this case, I DID need a strong man hand to help me out.

But he still borrows my power tools.

Jessica Bartlett
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 02:40 pm: [report]

I’m going to have to respectfully disagree. I rely on myself for pretty much everything, and there’s no better feeling (whether you’re a woman or a man) than knowing that you’re capable of meeting ANY challenge. Also: The men I’ve dated are usually better at picking out clothes than putting up drywall. That means I’ve successfully and singlehandedly: negotiated a fair rental price for my apartment, put together my own bookshelf, nailed and anchored two wooden shelves to my wall, and balanced my own 401(k). And I’m damn proud of it. There’s nothing wrong with asking for advice along the way, but women can do anything; let’s please not add fuel to the stereotype that we can’t.

wittybitch
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 02:48 pm: [report]

I don’t think its sexist at all. I said something similar on my own blog recently:

“So it is evident that we are two different creatures but embracing those differences can bring happiness and understanding to all. There are things that guys are just meant to do. Anything related to automotives, electronics, spider killing or anything that is just gross, guys are there for. Fashion magazines, Sex and The City, listening, those are things that girls do. With that being said, I believe as long as women continue to make 76 cents for every dollar a man makes, men can pay for dinner, buy us pretty things and go down on us.”

Check this out: http://wttybtch.blogspot.com/2009/01/feminists-romantics-and-knights-oh-my.html

crazychica
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 03:16 pm: [report]

Oh Amelia, you’re my favorite! Like Spiff said, I definitely think it’s more of a ‘recognizing what you’re not good at’ type of situation… and being a modern ‘feminist’ (whatever that means), I definitely recognize that sometimes it’s just easier to have a guy around for certain things. Case in point, my college is in a sketchy part of the city, and when I go to the RIDICULOUSLY sketch grocery store two blocks from my apt, I like bringing my best guy friend, who happens to be a buff Army (ROTC) guy. It’s not that I don’t think I couldn’t handle myself if someone tried to mess with me (well, I’d scream), but people just don’t mess with you if you’re with a guy. Not to mention all the others you mentioned for which guys are useful….

Mabfnar
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 03:19 pm: [report]

Yes….your comments are completely sexist.  As a guy…wait a second…how did I even get linked to this site…damn CNN.  Anyway…as a guy, it would be a complete insult to women if we were to call up our girl “friends” and ask them to cook me dinner because I am not good at it. Imagine me asking you to go and buy presents for MY loved ones since your a good shopper and know what my mom would want.  (don’t worry I’ll give you the money for it).  Imagine me calling you to help set up/decorate a party or poker night I’m having and you aren’t even invited.  Imagine me wanting you to be able to pop out of my closet to be my personal @#&$ buddy when I “need” it.

Kudos to those of you that are independent.  This is not to say chivalry is dead.  A guy should still open any door for any woman…especially his significant other…and things along those lines to not be gone int here.  However girls (including wittyb*tch)...Obama just signed the fair pay legislation…so perhaps you can start paying for dinner, buying me cool electronics, and go down on me without me having to beg for it.

Lynn
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 03:21 pm: [report]

I don’t care if it’s sexist or not. I know for a fact that my brother can help me when I have car troubles. He knows for a fact that I can help him when he needs homemade bread or an outfit for a date. Relying on each other is what being part of a community is all about. Of course it would be just awesome if everyone in the whole world knew everything about everything. But it’s just not possible.

I’m happy for all of the commenters who said they are totally independent. Are you also licensed to practice medicine? If not, do you not ask a doctor for help because it feels anti-feminist if the doctor happens to be a man, and you have to rely on him for his expertise in an area you don’t know about? How is that different from relying on someone with mechanical expertise when you have a car problem and don’t have the know-how yourself?

It would also be awesome if I was a foot taller and could reach things on my top shelf without help. But when I’m in that situation, I’m left with two decisions: find a step ladder, or find a tall person. Most of the people in my life who are taller than me are men. It doesn’t make me sexist to call on them for help. It doesn’t make me sexist to use a stepladder if they’re not around. It makes me aware of my own limitations and willing to find helpful resources.

Andrea
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 03:48 pm: [report]

Yes, this is unfeminist.

Its not wrong to need help, but it is to assume that the reason you can’t do these “masculine” activities is because you’re a woman. And to assume that just because someone is a man, they can do these things for you. You should look for a technically-savvy person, and if that person happens to be a man, then so be it. The two are not always inclusive, and I think that’s the part that is necessary to remember.

I have no problem who people who fit into the mold of what is stereotypically masculine or feminine. But I do have a problem with people that assume everyone fits those molds, or credits their characteristics to their gender as opposed to the many facets of their personality.

Isabela Laval
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:11 pm: [report]

NLouise:  I’m gonna have to totally agree with you.  Now, I feel that if I do not know how to do something, I owe it to myself to *learn* how to do it.  Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, and I have always been very inquisitive and independent, but I hate hate hate having to rely on others.

This did change after the ex and I lived together for about 4 years.  I became too “girly” and dependent on what I thought was his superior man knowledge.  He was smart, but I very easily could Google things.

Now that I’m on my own, I have no choice but to become independent and seek out answers to my questions.  Earlier this year, I bought myself a car.  I did a couple months of research on car forums, and got exactly what I wanted for a great price(score!).  In fact, after I got my truck, the sales manager asked if I’d consider working part-time at the dealership because I knew more about the vehicles than some of his guys.  THAT was a compliment!

I’m happy to report that any build-it-yourself furniture I have right now, I put together myself, using my own tools (drills and hammers and such), which I keep in my own tool box.

wittybitch
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:12 pm: [report]

@Mabfnar: I actually love giving head, and would still give it without the promise of receiving it in return. And I am one of those women who are independent, I have lived on my own for years and am fully capable of doing those things on my own (I too purchased my own vehicle, apartment hunted on my own, file my own taxes and take care of my personal finances without the assistance of a man). At the same time, I am happy to help a guy friend pick out clothes or give a second opinion to a husband picking out a valentine’s day gift for his wife.

My comments are stated under a blanket of sarcasm and jest. I just think we need to lighten the f*ck up with a lot of this stuff. But trust me, I give as much as I get…in every capacity.

NLouise
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:14 pm: [report]

Doctors have medical training. Their expertise is learned — not innate. I go to them because they are trained to take care of me.

As far as I know, men and women don’t receive training to learn how to behave according to their gender — at least not anymore. Men don’t take a class called, “The Stuff You Need to Be Able to Do for the Women In Your Life.” Likewise, women don’t study “Ways to Evade Taking Responsibility For Your Existence.”

If I have car trouble, I’ll go to a mechanic, who, again, probably got training for just these types of problems. I’m sure there are some kick-ass female mechanics out there who can do a mean oil change (just as I’m sure there are some men out there who love a pair of beautifully made shoes).

The problem I have with this article is that is posits that men are just naturally good with cars (etc.), and women are naturally good with lip gloss (etc.). That’s not only simplistic, it’s demeaning. Case in point: My mom taught me to drive a standard transmission, and my last boyfriend didn’t even have his license.

lilo
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:18 pm: [report]

I can see where you’re coming from, but I know both men and women who are equally versed in many of these things. I ask whoever knows best. When it comes to raw strength, though, yeah, even the most independent women I know wish there was a man around to help. One note here: I know several widows in their 60s who relied on their husbands for all this kind of stuff, and then had to figure out on their own late in life. Let’s face it, ladies usually live longer.

elthrilla
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:26 pm: [report]

I think the following quote sums up all that is wrong with this post: “Because he is a man and man hands have a much more powerful effect on temperamental modems and routers.”

You need to learn to be self reliant.  I think that’s the bigger issue.  Come on ikea is easy!  Do your research on the apartment or read the directions on the wireless.  Seriously, you need to learn to make your own decisions.

Like Andrea above me, if you find the best person to help happens to be a man then fine, but most the men I know can’t set up wireless or sore their credit debt themselves.

sophie19
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:34 pm: [report]

I think isn’t a question of being a feminist or not—but of how autonomous you choose to be/are.

I’m 5’2”, 100 lbs and 25 years old.  I’ve bought a brand new car all by myself and paid a better price then most anyone.  I know how to install sheetrock.  I can fix toilets.  And I have a credit score of 800.  Yeah, sometimes I need to ask for advice and I do.  But what it comes down to is that I’m the only person I can rely on to ALWAYS be there for me.  And so I want to be able to do everything I can.

kl_savage
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:36 pm: [report]

kbb.com:  what cars are worth, negotiate based on this ALWAYS… in addition to doing the forum research already mentioned.

@WinkyFace:  Put your forehead to the lid; it transfers heat, enlarging the lid but (not the jar) just enough that you can spin it off with ease.  Works every time

...could write something much longer in response but I think the above comments got to most of my points anyway.  Figured it’d be more beneficial to spread the knowledge and not the rage anyway.

christianay
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:38 pm: [report]

@elthrilla. I believe Amelia wrote that sentence tongue in cheek.

I completely understand where you’re coming from, Amelia. When you’re exasperated and sweaty and frustrated with getting the Internet to work or setting up furniture (especially since you were probably accustomed living with a man who was there to help), all you want is a man to come and relieve you. The idea of a strong man is just reassuring. You haven’t lost your feminist card just because you’re a woman who likes and believes in the idea of a chivalrous guy. If this piece means you did, most of us should lose ours too.

Amelia
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:41 pm: [report]

It’s also the fact that in the past, the person who did assist me in these issues were men. Believe me, if my wonderful (and feminist mother) had said to me, “Amelia, buying a car with 250,000 miles on it is a bad idea. Let me help you find something that’s better,” I might not have been so inspired to write this piece. Or still be so sore over how much it cost me to replace the damn clutch!

And yes, the modem comment was tongue in cheek. And I eventually got it working on my own—hours and hours later.

joyy
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:52 pm: [report]

As for the furniture thing, a lot of that stuff is easier if you just have a second set of hands around, male or otherwise.  Plus, assembly required furniture goes together faster with a friend and a few beers : P

I’m glad the self-reliant in life things came up.  Though, as someone who negotiated a raging deal on her car insurance and owns land (at 23 years old!), I do feel the need to point out that men pull crap like this too - I’ve seen newly divorced men who can barely set up utilities for themselves.

Another girl I know who is friends with one of these guys said that when she offered to help him set up an organization system for his office (the dude owns a successful business), he said “No, I don’t want you to help me do it, I want to pay someone to come in and do it for me.”

Not knowing how to fix all kinds of problems = normal.

Not being willing to learn how to take care of yourself and your adult life = dependence that will totally bite you in the ass one day.

elthrilla
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 04:52 pm: [report]

@Christianay.  I understand that she wasn’t completely serious; however, I find it sums up the underlying theme of this whole post: that she feels dependent upon men because they have an innate ability simply because they own a penis.

Humble Bee
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 05:00 pm: [report]

Wittybitch, that was so funny.
and I totally agree with that statement, “I actually love giving head, and would still give it without the promise of receiving it in return.”

I’m also the type that does most things on her own, and I agree with the statement about the mechanics who still stereotype girls as being car clueless. I feel I get ripped off if I go on my own. Rather than going, i send my dad, not only does he get a discount, he gets other things I didn’t even know were wrong with the car. “oh btw, you needed anti-freeze and new breaks” ummm okay. thanks dad, I didnt even know. BUT thats why I am currently taking a mechanics class, where we actually fix transmissins and learn how to do things like change breaks. I will be so proud of myself when i’m done, now NO mechanic can play me stupid and try to rip me off, cause I’ll just do it on my own. Sucka!

writergirl
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 05:58 pm: [report]

It is give and take.  My husband does all the computer stuff—and he should, it is how he earns his living.  While I *might* be able to do some things, he’s just better at it.  He puts stuff together. Rewires the house.  Hangs the flat screens.  Negotiates the car payments.

I kill the spiders.  Shovel the snow.  And changed more diapers then he EVER did.

I do however, refuse to set the mousetrap.  Can’t do it.  Uh-uh.  No way, no how.  He can set it, and clean it.

Give and take.  Recognition of where your talents lie versus someone elses.  Let’s face it, if your friend Jane could fix your wireless, you would have called her, too, wouldn’t you?

loveitlala
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 06:06 pm: [report]

There is nothing wrong with consulting others for certain decisions and hiring in to do certain things.  We don’t all have the same interests and hobbies, and some things are not a part of a lady’s education (ex. putting oil in a lawnmower).  However, I tend to be on the fiercly independent side and would rather grill the car salesman with every question known to man after doing hours of research while prepared to walk away if I don’t get the price I want.  Phew.  I just feel like I do most things better myself and if they’re not done well I have myself to blame and will do better the next time.  Besides, finding an apartment can be fun and comparing bids for movers and negotiating pricing is going to come up too many times to not figure it out myself.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 09:38 pm: [report]

I love cars, and honestly, sexism aside women view cars as simply as a means of conveyance first and perhaps an accessory second, with passion falling by the wayside.

An easy guide for buying a car is firstly establishing a budget. You need to factor in insurance as well but my next point lessens it’s importance. Buy asian, they will run forever, have great warranties, unless you buy a really old one, and have low running costs, it helps being a woman as well with the insurance costs too (We men are hoons apparently http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoon). I said asian, because Korean cars are on the up and up. FACT, the cheapest new car in America is the Nissan Versa at a couple bucks under 10K, however that comes with next to nothing, I would go with the Hyundai Accent at 11K.

lime9211
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 10:00 pm: [report]

your feminist card is not revoked for thinking you need a man… it’s revoked for thinking that only men can fix your car, or your internet, or your ikea furniture!
but not seriously. just dont forget about the women in your life who are nerds, and the men who clean a mean house.

NLouise
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 10:18 pm: [report]

“Women view cars as simply as a means of conveyance first and perhaps an accessory second, with passion falling by the wayside.”

With all due respect, Mr. Cheese, that is utter BS. Show any woman a vintage Jaguar Roadster or an old Shelby Cobra, and she’ll feel passionately about it.

joyy
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 11:13 pm: [report]

@Cheese - buying a car based on what you can get new for the cheapest price?  Doesn’t sound like solid advice to me, especially when you consider how fast a new car depreciates the second you drive it off the lot.  Some people are into buying a new car, but it’s really not necessary.  And the cars you mentioned are small - which is great if that works for you (<3 my Cavalier), but many people need either more space (usually for family) or 4x4 (or at least awd), depending on your climate.

You get way more bang for your buck going at least a year or two old, and if you’re into dealership warranties and whatnot you can buy used through them.

I’m with you on the foreign note though.  My bf is on his second 4runner and the company cars where I work are mostly ‘07-08 Camrys - so I’m sold on Toyotas.  But you can’t discount good old German engineering.  Most models of vehicles get body style updates every several years - once a newer style comes out, the previous model (and all those before it) bump down a little in price accordingly.

A little research can tell you if certain years had certain engines or meaningful changes from one year/style of a car to the next, and you can use that information to see if there are things to avoid or look for depending on what you need (i.e. a coworker has a Ridgeline that automatically kicks out of 4wd if you’re going under 20 mph or any speed in reverse - wtf?), and it can sometimes be the difference between looking for one year’s model over another.

Also, you can pick up a nicer car if you aren’t picky about how new it is.  My bf has been looking at newer versions of what I call his “garage baby” and it’s unreal what kind of car you can get for decent money - especially in this economy. His garage baby is a ‘98 bmw //m3, and he said he’d get ~$12k if he sold it now, which is a lot of quality for the money (and one hell of a bargain considering the new model’s retail $ OUCH).  Finding a good older car is all about spending a little time finding one that doesn’t have a crapton of miles on it. 

The more ya know.

[/me gets off my car-hunting anticipation/soapbox]

Mid-West_Fella
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 11:23 pm: [report]

I don’t think there was need for a MAN in most of these situations, just the need of someone with more knowledge.  Some of the issues in the article (cars and computer hardware) are just less common interests of women, so it simply stands to reason that a man would be the easiest person to find to help with the issues.  But on the other hand, we men enjoy it greatly to be able to help you, we don’t think less of you or think you’re weak, we just like to feel like we’re useful for something, because god knows we’re not good at the whole conversation/emotion thing.

Tetrine
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 02:07 am: [report]

I have to respectfully disagree—it’s one thing to need help with something you don’t know about, but you don’t need to gender these issues!  Personally, I have been able to change my own oil since I was in high school and could probably name most every component under the hood, I’m a senior engineering student at a top university—I’m the one my girl AND guy friends call to set up their home networks and fix their computers.  I have put together an entire apartment of IKEA furniture all by myself!  I’m not less of a woman however… my closet full of stilettos and cocktail dresses certainly affirm that.

When I was growing up it was important to me to step outside what I perceived as the “norm” for girls, and it has served me well.  We as women should not be limited to social advisors, cooks, and other such gendered roles in life.  Pick up a book, find someone who knows and learn something yourself!  There’s nothing wrong with finding help, but why not make it an active learning process and not a passive call for assistance!

SeattleMama
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 04:04 am: [report]

LOL I refuse to take our cars in for so much as an oil change, I have my husband do it.  Why should I, when he gets hassled so much less?  He can get in and out, and when he says a simple no to their upsells they back off- I have to go raging bitch on them before they believe that I really DON’T want that winterization package.  And it’s not about whether or not I am a feminist (or deserve to be… WTF is up with THAT line of thought?) but the fact that when we need to deal with sexist service providers, well… it’s just easier to send the manflesh.

Yes, he handles the computers (it’s what he does for a living), opens the jars (and looks damn cute doing it), and even cooks more then I do (but he was a sous chef back in the day).  He can reach things on top shelves (as well as my G-spot) more easily then I can.  He can get the kids to bed more easily then I can.  And he never, ever has to beg for a BJ

Of course, he defers to me on fashion, decor, childbirth, social arrangements, gift giving, and anything to do with intuition :D I’m also a stay-at-home-mom, which only looks anti-feminist until you try it LOL.  Hardly what my former grrl-self thought I’d be doing at 32, but it works for us.  We’re a good team, and I don’t think it’s anti-feminist to recognize that.  I suppose I could do all this myself, but who do I need to prove myself to?  Men?  Other women?  HA!  Whatevs.

Eff it, Amelia, I am right there with you… just because I CAN do it myself, doesn’t mean that I’m above asking for help from someone who can do it better- and in lot of situations, it might be a man who has the skill set I need!

Reagan
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 08:05 am: [report]

I use Craigslist for EVERYTHING.  No job too big or small.  Moving stuff, fixing stuff, buying stuff, etc…in fact, two days ago I posted an ad looking for someone to come clean my house for $10 per hour since A). I can’t afford a real maid service B). My parents are coming to visit in two weeks and my house was a disaster C). I work 12 hours per day, six days per week to support myself and D). In the little free time that I have, I’ve been working on writing a screenplay…anyways, this very nice lady came over yesterday and I got my house cleaned from top to bottom for $50…I was so proud of myself!  Seriously, if you need help moving that plasma tv turn to my good friend Craig and his list!

Mabfnar
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 11:40 am: [report]

@wittyb*tch…fair enuf….and I applaud your independence.  My apologies if I mistook your comments as serious.  Those types of thoughts and assumptions do exist in some women.  You would be surprised as to how many horror stories men have out there for women whom they are dating.  I don’t think I have enough space to write about it.  However…i need a girl that isn’t afraid to give head withour any concerns for recprocity…what are you doing tonight;)

@Humble Bee…I mean no disrespect, and I know we all make typos (i’m notorious for it)...however if you send an email to a mechanic and request information on your car’s BREAKS (it’s brakes hon)...most likely they will still rip you off even if you know the difference between a rotor and a caliper.

Secondly…ladies you should know that there ARE female service managers in auto dealerships, there are female car salespeople, etc…not all your dealings have to be by sexist male prick trying to take advantage of you…from what I am reading that seems to be a common theme. look around…men also have to say no to pushy people more than once.  Unless the man is 6’9”, full of death laden tattoos and looks like he hasn’t showered in a week.

I agree that men do defer to women on many things and many occasions, however it’s on those many things and occasions we get told we are sexist for our views.  There should be an equal playing field…if you feel men should do these things you constantly mention for you, then simply admit you’re sexist and move on…as men do.

Lynn
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 12:30 pm: [report]

Definitely, I don’t think that *all* men can fix my car, etc. But I do think that most of the people who can fix it *are* men. My dad owns an auto salvage and I basically grew up there. I’ll say right now that in my 22 years, only about 4 women have ever tried to work at my dad’s auto salvage (except clerical positions or accounting, we have had a few women that did those bookwork type of things that didn’t require any actual knowledge about cars). And of those 4 women, only one lasted more than a week. That one only lasted two weeks. They all either quit or were asked to leave when it became apparent that they didn’t have the necessary skill set to fix and dismantle a vehicle.

I don’t think that there aren’t any women out there who can work on cars, and I don’t think that every man can work on cars. But I’m comfortable in my “anti-feminist” view that, in general, I’ll have better luck asking a man to help me with my car than a women. It’s what I’ve seen my whole life, so I’m not about to waste my time asking all the women in my life to help me with something like this when I know exactly 0 women who work on cars and about 50 men who do. I admire women who can work on cars just like I admire men, because you all know things I don’t. But the women who know just have to realize that they aren’t the norm. If I become friends with any of you, I’ll be happy to ask you for help.

Mabfnar
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 01:02 pm: [report]

@Lynn…im not gonna lie…everytime I see that David H. avatar, i throw up a lil…man that thing is disturbing. 

i don’t disagree with you much at all…

When it came to changing diapers for my kids, I was more than happy to ask any woman (even strangers) to do it, simply because I believe they were better at it (even if they had no kids).  My fear of a “leaky diaper” caused me to think this way.  And while there may be men that are able to properly secure this seemingly simple absorbent padding to a relentlessly moving bundle of joy, whom is aggravated at the prospect of being on their back for more than a fraction of a second if it isn’t bed time, I wasn’t one of them.  Finding a woman who just had that inert skill just seemed like instinct.  Is it sexist…yes

SeattleMama
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 01:40 pm: [report]

I’ll add that it’s a point of pride for my husband that when he’s home, he’s on diaper duty- and we were using cloth, so bonus points!  How funny that some guys would sooner ask a stranger to change a dipe then handle it themselves.  After being a partner in the birth of our kids, a messy diaper ain’t no thang.

Just because he’s better at some of the ‘man stuff’ doesn’t keep him from trying to be as equal a partner as he can be.

Oh, and when I was single, I was notorious for MacGuyver-ing myself out of a number of situations… once I fixed my engine with a pocketknife when a hose blew on my way to work… good times.  But if he can do a better job at something, why not?

Love the Craigslist suggestions… if I needed a guy to go with me to the auto shop, I could find one there sweet.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 04:06 pm: [report]

Between my last post and this one say it all, everyone is different. Making this and most of the articles on this site moot. They are broad generalizations that of course someone will feel strongly about one way or another, so moot to you poster.

Lynn
wrote on January 30 2009 @ 05:09 pm: [report]

@Mabfnar - I hope this new baby panda doesn’t make you ill

Fast Eddie
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 09:39 am: [report]

My first instinct was to say “Grow up” but that says a bunch.  The simple fact is you haven’t lived long enough to acquire all the skills you need to deal with every situation.  Some of us, me included, may never get them all.  Life continually changes, therefore it seems to me to be an never ending process.  As a younger man I made some whopper bad choices in cars, women, jobs, etc.  Our society reinforces differences in the life skills imparted among men and women.  My career choices turned me to computers thus experience and skills.  It didn’t start that way.  I had to put effort into learning.  Same thing about cars and mechanical things.  Not being able to afford to pay for services I HAD to learn how to do the required work myself.  I made plenty of mistakes and paid for them along the way.

Because personal transportation is a requirement for most of us who don’t live in a city that doesn’t have decent public transportation, you should consider taking a course in automotive maintenance.  Check out your local community college.  I’m not suggesting you need to learn to overhaul an engine and transmission.  A basic knowledge of how brakes work and their components would be useful, and emergency procedures like what to do when there is smoke coming from under the hood and your on the freeway in between towns 100 miles a part in Nebraska at 11:00 PM.

The bottom line here is you get what you pay for, in this case you also got what you didn’t pay for.  I’d suggest that young women and men who haven’t acquired mechanical skills, is to buy a smaller, cheaper, newer car that is not so susceptible to failure.  Leasing a car may be a better option.  That too is not the cheapest way of dealing with this, but in the long run it may be less costly. 

The transportation expense can be circumvented by living in an area that has public transportation to suit your needs and do a little to help the environment.  This also has some drawbacks, not being able to go where you want, when you want.  If there is taxicab service using it may better than having to deal with the expense and hassle of car ownership.

Lion
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]

To:shufflegirl
“There are moments when I really wish a man was around. Like when I’m unable to open a jar”

The best way to fix this (and it works every time…) is to bang the edge of the lid on the floor.  It will pop right off!

This topic only makes me consider a woman’s upbringing.  Some women were raised to fend for them selves, and others were pampered more so!

Its what we go through in life, and how we handle situations, that determine if we ask for help or not!

I grew up with only my father, he basically raised me like a son (he only has daughters). 

Either way, because of it I am one of these “don’t help me” types.  Some guys get offended if you don’t let them help you, or open the door…but then again this topic also can go straight into chivalry.  Is it dead? Dying?

Who knows….

Fast Eddie
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]

To mechanic that I go to for all things automotive is a woman who operates her licensed shop with one employee…herself.

Chelle
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 12:24 pm: [report]

As much as I hate to do it, I have to ask men to carry things for me all the time. Due to what my chiropractor calls a “musculoskeletal disorder” I can’t lift or move much of anything. When I was younger, I would lift and move things I had no business messing with and that contributed to my current problem. So being a feminist or indepedent is no reason to hurt yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. As for the car thing, my dad went with me to buy a car 7 1/2 years ago and I ended up with a vehicle with over 100,000 miles on it. If I knew what I know about cars now (yes, I’ve asked my guy friends for help in this department but I always listened and learned from them as well) I would have made a better decision. Now I actually know a lot more about cars than my dad does (he doesn’t know too much). @Fast Eddie-My boyfriend’s mother is a mechanic, so she helps me with my car. She knows more about cars than a lot of guys I know (that say they know about cars).

Chelle
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 12:42 pm: [report]

One more thing. As for those damn jars (I hate them all!), running hot water over the lid helps to loosen it. The heat makes the metal expand.

Fast Eddie
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 03:20 pm: [report]

Dear Chelle, Running hot water over a jar with a tight lid will indeed make it easier to open.  However, it would be impossible to heat the METAL enough to do any good.  That would require heat of around 1,200 degrees and water in the liquid state become a gas (steam) at 414 degrees.  What is happening with the still liquid hot water is the volume of air inside the container lessens after the lid is applied and the environment that it’s in (like the frige) goes down.  The hot water trick heats up the air which expands thereby lessening the vacuum created by packaging process or subsequent refrigeration. reference: physics, and Boles law of gases.

Fast Eddie
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 03:24 pm: [report]

While some things may be learned form advice or study, buying a used anything will require some experience.  Sadly that experience can be costly.

Fast Eddie
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 03:28 pm: [report]

Rule #1
Don’t expect too much from anything that used.  250k miles on any car that isn’t a completely restored collector type, is expecting too much for too little.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on January 31 2009 @ 06:07 pm: [report]

Rule #2
Don’t take car advice from some who calls them self “Fast Eddie”.

toyen
wrote on February 1 2009 @ 02:09 am: [report]

I think all I really need a man for is the companionship and sex, oh, and back rubs. That’s what I miss.

In my last relationship, I got a great deal on a car while he sat there silently, and handled all the negotiations with contractors after I realized he’d agree to anything… My mom taught me all my negotiation skills.

While I was in one relationship many years ago, in Paris, I had someone try to mug me while me ex stood there, and I decked the guy myself.

The only time I’ve felt like I’ve needed a man while being alone these last few months was when someone tried to break in at 2am. Then I needed my dad, and only my dad would do.

Really, aside from missing the fact there’s no man there right now to do those things, I think it’s all about stepping outside your comfort zone, learning new things, and doing things you haven’t necessarily had to do before. We can do it all ourselves (except spoon)!

Oh, and just tap the jar lid on its side against the counter four times or so evenly around. It opens every time!

Chelle
wrote on February 1 2009 @ 07:41 am: [report]

@Fast Eddie- My point was that when I run hot water over the metal lid, not the jar, it opens more easily. That’s it. I could care less about Boles law of gases.

cupcakebabyee
wrote on February 1 2009 @ 11:33 am: [report]

Well in my opinion I dont really think is sexcist,you need a man to do certain kinds of jobs and its normal.I mean to be honest there are things that man can do that woman cant only if they “BUFF & RIPED”.But there is a sence in this.Even thought i am independent myself but i am very small and i am not capable to do things myself.I like to feel like I have things under MY control and that I dont need help from no one else.But to keeo 100 I do need a set of muscles to carry a couple things for me,and it dosent hurt to watch;)
(oh and wittybitch that was really funny.)

demi-angel
wrote on February 1 2009 @ 12:03 pm: [report]

okay, i think you are being an incey bit sexist, but i think Krissy’s being a little too harsh.

actually, there is a scientific reason guys tend to better at fixing thing, knowing about cars, better at understanding electronics ect. ect.

by the age twelve guys are programmed to want to figure out how THINGS work while girls are more concerned about how PEOPLE work. so there actually is a reason why so many guys are absolutely clueless when it comes to women and why many women are clueless with anything mechanical.

of course that is in general and i know a girl that probably knows more about cars than my three brothers combined, another that could probably program a computer from spare parts and more than one guy(strait) that can be more emotional more apt to have a heart to heart than me(and that’s saying something)

Reagan
wrote on February 1 2009 @ 12:34 pm: [report]

Here’s my advice to anyone (male or female) who needs buying advice…if you think you’re getting an unfair deal, or taken advantage of, or lied to because you clearly aren’t well-versed on the product details…all you have to do is what I do.  Here’s a true example of how this works:

Not too long ago, my dog had to have knee surgery.  It was his second one in less than two years and I had just finished paying for the first.  I certainly couldn’t afford another one.  I had been given a $6,000 bed from a company I had endorsed and I always thought it was ridiculous to have a bed worth that much money.  So I sold the bed on Craigslist to pay for his surgery.  Then, I had enough left over to go buy a less expensive bed somewhere else.  So I found this wholesale furniture place and the sales guys there were worse than used car salesmen.  I could tell they were jerking me around…it almost seemed as if they were making up details about the beds as we went along…and everytime I’d ask them a question, I could tell they didn’t really know the answer.  Well, to make a long story short, I threatened them.  I said, “If you take advantage of me and I find out that you’ve given me false information, I will go on the radio and tell all of Sacramento how shady, seedy and sketchy your business is…if you think I’m lying, try me.”  Needless to say, I wound up leaving with an awesome bed and an awesome price and when I got home I did lots of research…yes, in fact…I had gotten a great deal. 

The point of this is that you don’t actually have to work for a radio station, tv station or Better Business Bureau (sp) to use that line.  They’ll never know.  And while I don’t condone lying, I do condone beating a hustler at his/her own game.  So try it next time you need to do a little haggling/negotiating.  I promise, it works.

Fast Eddie
wrote on February 1 2009 @ 03:00 pm: [report]

This has gotten a LOT further than I thought it would so I’m opting OUT!

In parting let me say “There is nothing wrong in helping or getting help”  This may be applied to either sex.  I help my wife with cars and jar lids and will continue to do so.  When my back hurts she brings me hot packs and, at her own insistence, she always does the laundry .  I love her and I enjoy helping her.  I also enjoy helping other men and women.  My preferred approach is to do so for no more than a thank you and even better if they don’t know who it was that did them a kindness.  My hope is that the words I’ve offered are helpful to you who have taken the time to read them.  There are no easy “one size fits all” answers out there for life’s problems.  If you’re lucky enough to get the help you need when you need it count your blessings.  I do, and have had plenty of help from friends and total strangers.

Keep at it with this ‘blog’?  There are solution to most problem and there are problems that don’t have solutions.  Human kind will continue to seek advancement and I for one look forward to the adventure.

Farewell my dears and keep your chin up.  Now I’ll take a nap with my cat who’s only desire of me is to be feed, clean her litter box and sit still while she sleeps peacefully on my lap while I watch the super bowl with the wonderful woman who married me…unless it’s diner time that is.  Yes, I’m the cook.

jazzyj
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 07:06 pm: [report]

I think that there is a difference between gender roles and sexism. Gender roles have been ingrained in the majority of us for so many centuries that it may be centuries before they disappear. Don’t beat yourself up for recognizing certain social dynamics or physical differences. If you are a body builder and ask other people to move things for you, you might be lazy, but not sexist. If you are not as strong as the men you know, what’s the harm in getting help to move a tv?

Isabela Laval
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 08:12 pm: [report]

What makes the jar difficult to open?  The vacuum inside.  Ever notice how you’re told to throw away any jars on which the metal lid has popped up.  This means the vacuum is gone.

The solution?  I use a butter knife and wedge it between the actual jar and the lid, and start wiggling it a bit.  Soon enough, you’ll hear a sucking sound, and the metal lid will pop up.  After this, the lid is easy breezy, Japanese-y!

Eva
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 10:38 pm: [report]

I don’t NEED a man, but I certainly don’t mind getting their help!  I moved into a new apartment this year and all my guy friends really got into helping me.  They moved my furniture, hooked up my internet, put together my entertainment center, and helped hang the art on the walls.  After I had been moved in for a while and discovered my kitchen had a serious mouse problem they removed all the dead mice from the traps and my best male friend even cleaned up all the mouse droppings after we had gotten rid of all the mice.  When a squirrel got stuck in my hot water tank closet that same friend came and got the stupid squirrel’s carcus out of my house. 

Could I have done most of those things for myself? Yes. Was it easier to have a male friend do it for me? YES YES YES.  I could have asked a female friend to do those things for me and I’m sure my female friends would have been capable of doing it BUT would they??  Hell no. (well they would have helped me move, but they wouldn’t have gone near poop and dead animals!)

I don’t feel guilty for asking for help.  My guy friends don’t mind giving it. Maybe it’s because we are from a more traditional part of the country and they were raised to be gentlemen and treat women like ladies.  It doesn’t make me feel like a helpless female either. Like I said I could have managed to do those things on my own I just chose to let someone else do it for me. 

And don’t feel sorry for my guys either! To whoever asked if we would get mad if men expected us to do their Christmas shopping or cook their dinner for me the answer is NO!  I shop for my guy friends all the time. I did all of my exs shopping (christmas, clothes, food, etc..) My squirrel remover friend moved into his own place recently and I brought him all the grocery staples and helped him decorate and even cleaned his kitchen.  Did this make me feel like a subserviant vapid women? No.  My guy friends love and respect me and I love and respect them.  Relationships are about giving and taking.  Take away my feminist card if you must.

Eva
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 10:43 pm: [report]

oh and as for opening jars I have this little plastic tool shaped like an Italian Chef that pops the vaccuum seal and lets you open jars without having a strong grip.  I got it off a bottle of Ragu years ago.  Anyone else still have one of these?  They are a life saver!!

EarthGoddess
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 11:29 pm: [report]

I don’t see anything wrong with wanting a man around to do certain things. My husband handles all of the traditionally masculine tasks to keep our household going, AND he cooks most of the time because he was a sous chef and is light years ahead of me in culinary ability. I’m much happier to do the things I’m good at, which all happen to be traditionally feminine. It’s all about balance ... if you have a good guy friend who’s there to help you out when you need him, make it into a barter relationship and pick up the slack for him on something he needs help with. No big deal there, right?

As far as dependency, I will admit that I am a very dependent person who, despite being a married mommy who also works full-time (from home), still relies on others to do most everything. I do my best to be the best wife and mother I can be, and I am an excellent housekeeper (if I do say so myself). However, I would be absolutely lost without my husband, and I sincerely hope he outlives me because I don’t know what I will do without him if he doesn’t. Not just practically, but emotionally/psychologically, too. While I admire the independent streak a lot of women have, it’s not something I can understand or relate to. It’s a foreign concept to me. I always need a partner, not a superior, but an equal partner. Going it alone would never work for me. So, kudos to you ladies that can do it! You’re better women than I am ...

carol v.a.
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 12:56 am: [report]

1. women don’t need men, they need us. They are totally helpless. Its cute.
2. women Want men.  big dif.

SeattleMama
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 11:38 am: [report]

LOL- it’s Carol for the win.

My dad was never an affectionate man, but he always would work on my car and keep the oil changed… it was his way of saying “I love you”. 

When a man is chivalrous in nature, he will often WANT to do these things for you, and if you let him (even though you COULD handle it yourself) it makes him feel wanted… and men love to feel wanted.  IMO, the more independent you are as a woman, the more important to let your man feel needed now and then- I complement his life, why not let him complement mine?

Eva
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 08:47 pm: [report]

Amen SeattleMama!  Men do love to feel wanted! If you let them do things for you and then let them know how grateful you are they will fall all over themselves to do things for you.  Sounds kind of manipulative, but if you’re both happy who cares.

CraftLass
wrote on February 5 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]

I have to laugh at the network part - I actually don’t know a single man currently that could even figure out my home network, let alone fix it!  They all call me to fix theirs, if anything.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong in splitting up chores, it’s part of being a partnership.  Since my bf moved in a few years ago I’ve definitely slacked on the chores I really don’t like or that he does better.  However, when I was living alone I would never consider calling a man for anything except brute strength or a specific area of actual expertise (e.g. a trained mechanic to fix my car).  Advice, yes, but rarely actual help.  I barely even asked my bf to pitch in until he actually paid part of the rent, after all, it was my home, not his.

I do think gender roles are mutating as society evolves, though.  My bf and I are both proud that I’m skilled with computers while he’s great at picking out clothes for me, just as we’re proud of his carpentry and my ability to plan and orchestrate a party.  Society is changing and it’s no secret that gender is a bit more malleable than a matter of biological parts.  I certainly wouldn’t assume a man today is any more likely to have a clue about any of the tasks mentioned in the post than pretty much any woman.

To Eva: We’re exactly the same way!  I give men that same exact advice all the time and it works wonders for them!  A little gratitude sure can go a long way…

searchingwithin
wrote on February 10 2009 @ 09:59 am: [report]

I grew up in the 70’s, when the lines between men and women’s roles really began to merge and become undefined. On one hand having a mother who lived the traditional feminine role, but also being taught the feminist ways by society. I became one of those women that hated for a man to pull out her chair, or open a door for her when they were together.

As I get older, I have found that I have really forgotten what it is to be a woman, and enjoy being what I am, and taking pride in that. So I have found myself relearning, or maybe learning for the first time, what it is to be feminine, and embracing that. And you know what, it’s nice. It feels right.

SadiePez
wrote on February 13 2009 @ 08:01 pm: [report]

Men are wonderful. But so are you. Did you buy a beater car because you were unable to make the proper choices due to gender? Or did you buy a beater car because you did not have the knowledge of the subject. You have choices on how to gain that knowledge. You could study, buy the time of a person with the knowledge, or follow the council of a friend or loved one. I use a mix of all three depending on the issue. If you had gotten the advice of your father or a friend and the car turned out to be broken in some undetected way, who would have been at fault? You would still been stuck with the car.
When you pick your advisor, you pick one with knowledge. But you also need educate yourself if your father has not already. If you don’t, you are completely dependant on others. The nice thing about being a feminist is we have the power and the resources to do anything or not to do anything.
I am 5’2” and without a man in my life. I stand on chairs to change light bulbs. When I call a man for help or information it is because he has knowledge of the subject I respect or because he looks good changing light bulbs.
Men do love to be needed. So do women. But, helpless. Helpless is cute when it comes with a nice body, but it gets old. Not just in the flesh, but also on the person who is not helpless. Beware of men who want dependant women.
EVA: I am a 5th generation feminist. My Great-Great… Grandmother was a suffragist and my Mother and I were at the march on Chicago in the 80’s. I would have come and helped you with the animal problems. I would not have had fun, but I would have helped. Man or woman sometimes you just have to roll up your sleeves. I did call a guy friend for help with an animal in the basement, but we live in bear country and he has a bigger gun than I do.
By the way I work in an oil field in a job most men wont do. I wear 40 lbs of protective clothing and carry at least 40 lbs of gear. Under my protective clothing I wear PINK! I am so girly people never believe where I work.

Symian
wrote on June 17 2009 @ 07:56 pm: [report]

WOW! WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!!! I have spent the last eight years of my life in the automotive field trying to gain respect as a woman who is just as capable and knowledgeable as a man in the same position.  I am a single mother who fixes lunches, changes oil, trims trees and bushes, makes a mean apple pie, sculpts, knows how to wire a house, and that’s just the beginning of what I’ve learned how to do for myself.  It’s one thing to WANT a man to do things for you, it’s a whole other thing to act like you can’t do anything for your self.
I would hate for my daughter to grow up thinking that she needs a man to change a bulb (stepladder), open a jar (slip a butter-knife under the edge of the lid), buying a car or getting repairs (read and ask questions).  My daughter is aware that the only thing she will ever need a man for is to have a family… IF she WANTS one!