14 Jobs That May Ruin Your Chances Of Getting Laid

Posted by: Simcha Whitehill Filed in: relationships
9:00AM, Friday August 14th 2009

Comments (42)

Rich and famous Hayden Panetierre says she can’t get a man because of all the media attention she gets.

“It’s very, very difficult and people have no idea what they do to peoples’ relationships. They destroy them. The paparazzi and the public. The public wants to read about your personal life, and the paparazzi give it to them by nosing into your personal life and saying things that are just not true and horrible.”

Cry me a river, Hayden! In reality, there are worse professions when it comes to love. Try sex and relationship blogger. The potential threat of having your love life exposed on the internets is no one’s aphrodisiac. After the jump, the worst relationship dealbreaker jobs on the planet.

Sewer Maintenance Crew: You stink.
Animal-Sperm Collector: They call it “breeder,” but how do you explain jerking juice into a cup for a living?
Off-Shore Oil Rig Worker: You’re stranded in the ocean with a pack of dudes for long periods of time.
Stripper/Porn Star: When your job is sex, you don’t want to do it in your free time.
Zoo Keeper: You smell like eau de animal.
Divorce Lawyer: Need we say more?
Sumo Wrestler: You wear an adult diaper.
Hit Man: It’s hard to find someone who wants to be around you.
Psychiatrist: You can’t stop seeing the crazy in everyone.
IT Expert: Computer docs are on call 24/7. The internets has no respect for romance.
Mortician: You only meet dead people.
Gyno: I mean, how many vaginas can one man handle?
Secret Agent: Sexy in theory, but lonely and scary in real life.
Cosmetic Surgeon: Nobody’s perfect.

Have you ever stopped dating someone because of their job?

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Tags: dealbreaker, love advice, hayden panettiere, bad jobs

Comments (42)

comments

Claireific
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:06 am: [report]

Hey hey hey. Knock the lawyer jokes, it’s tired. Who do think argue the cases to put criminals in jail? Or make adoptions happen? Or protect your rights if the cops messed up and you’ve been falsely accused of a crime?

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:11 am: [report]

POST OF THE WEEK.

I hope the sarcasm just washed over you via the internet.

Seriously what the hell is this?

BedRocka
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:16 am: [report]

Lawyers get laid the most after rockstars and pro basketball players ... recheck your sources! this is WEAK!!!

Riley
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:19 am: [report]

You forgot 15.

Low-rent Blogger: You piss and moan on the internet all day in a feeble attempt to elevate your problem above others’. When someone asks what you do, they immediately regret it.

Jessalyn
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:24 am: [report]

Well, I was amused…

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:25 am: [report]

@Riley: Ouch.

Oh by the way please read:

http://www.IamBetterSmarterWellHungAndHansomerThanYou.blogspot.com

Riley
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:29 am: [report]

@Cheese - I’ll have to wait until after work to read that, not quite the history I’d like to leave on my machine. Judging by the name, you might enjoy “The Best Page in the Universe”; rarely updated anymore though.

robertsmithshairspray
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:33 am: [report]

Come on Riley, us bloggers aren’t all bad, haha! Blogging’s a cheap and easy way of putting forward things you’ve written for real publications to see, I wouldn’t call myself a “blogger”. Though this isn’t the kind of thing I write about, I can see how some sites are full of that kind of stuff!

I think some people take themselves too seriously because they have a blog- if they got off their arse and used it to promote how they write, instead of being big headed, they’d get a lot of cool jobs writing for stuff!

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:42 am: [report]

@Riley: I already know about Maddox. I am better than him.

nikkiwikki
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:45 am: [report]

Wow, you guys are being kind of mean…

Riley
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 08:50 am: [report]

@Cheese - Patently false.

_jsw_
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 09:04 am: [report]

Decaf, anyone?

@BedRocka: Welcome back, Phil.

Anyway, I started reading through the list without being aware it was intended to be men’s occupations. I dunno why. I mean, after all, the article led with Hayden. I should have immediately realized the reference to Hayden Fox, fictional coach of the Minnesota State University Screaming Eagles, and then from there realized we were talking about guys. I need my coffee, I guess. Four shots of espresso, stat!

One of the jobs - “Off-Shore Oil Rig Worker: You’re stranded in the ocean with a pack of dudes for long periods of time” - seemed especially fitting as a job I’d not want my girlfriend to have.

I think “Patent Office Employee” would sort of suck. “Honey, I thought of something new for us to try tonight!” “Trust me, it’s not new.”

Raugiel
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 09:06 am: [report]

@ Claireific & BedRocka - Thanks for sticking up for the lawyers! Some of the readers of this blog are lawyers, after all…

lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 09:22 am: [report]

Off-Shore Oil Rig workers aren’t gone THAT long. Not like service men and women who are gone for months at a time(to all the service peps out there:Thanks!). I’ve dated a few, it’s really not that bad usually 3 weeks on 1 week off.

bogart4017
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 09:44 am: [report]

Try directory assistance operator. Everyone thinks you’re gay. Four years was quite enough for me. All those accusations of taking up a woman’s job. To be constantly advised to go outside, get a hardhat and climb a pole was not pleasant at all.

LayD
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 11:23 am: [report]

@Raugiel, Bedrocka and Claireific, please read more carefully, the post said nothing about all lawyers, it was specific to divorce lawyers. I think we can all agree that lawyers aren’t bad people and a lot of people do want to date/marry a lawyer or at least have one close by. But if you are in a relationship with a divorce laywer, someone who makes a living from failed relationships, perhaps it could be disconvcerting to get serious with someone who profits when relationships fail.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]

@layd: It was edited. It was just “Lawyer” originally.

majicksand
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 11:32 am: [report]

I can’t believe no one has jumped on the stripper thing! It’s wrong, by the way. Pretty much all the stippers I know love sex. The stage show gets them in the mood to go home and show off their flexibility for real.

Riley
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]

@LayD - So by that token, don’t get involved with a doctor/pharmacist/nurse/EMT because they make a living on diseases and injuries? Very disconcerting, they might want you to get sick or hurt so they’ll have a job!

As Cheese stated, it was edited after being posted; originally reading “Lawyers.”

I’d like to see the reactions if this were posted in Men’s Health or Maxim. I suppose reveling in ignorance is exclusive only to men’s magazines.

*sam*
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]

wow, I took most of these to be a joke. Not actual deal breakers, but things that would be potential problems… guess I missed it. oh well.

@lilrockgoddess4u: THANK YOU for mentioning the difference for being gone for a mere couple of weeks to being gone for a majority of the year, EVERY year.—there’s a HUGE difference.

and to be honest, being an active duty military personnel attached to a frequently deploying unit *is* a close deal breaker for me. I’ve told my bf *numerous* times that if it weren’t for the fact that I knew him for so long *before* he joined, I would have ran once I learned he was a marine. he’s also aware that, while re-enlistment is *his* choice and I will respect him, regardless of his decision, re-enlisting *IS* my deal breaker—I just know myself well enough to know I’m not cut out to be a military gf/wife (though, I must say I’ve learned to adjust… sort of).

oh, and for the record, it’s not just psychiatrists who “see the crazy side of everyone”—it’s *anyone* who’s taken enough psych courses or worked in the field for long enough.

Coral
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 01:01 pm: [report]

Since when is a psychiatrist a bad job for relationships?! My dad is a psychologist, and everyone in my family is always analytical an such, but always in a good way. I feel like I’m more aware of reading situations.

xifeng882
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]

Celebs need to stop complaining about awful their lives are. Life isn’t particularly easy for anyone. We all have problems, we don’t need to hear their b.s

TMMiller
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 01:52 pm: [report]

Endangered Species Ejaculate Facilitator isn’t such a bad gig. You just have to remember to never throw away good ejaculate and to ALWAYS throw away bad ejaculate. Pretty simple, really.

musiklover26
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 05:50 pm: [report]

meh, at least they have a job that pays well.

AttilatheHoney
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 06:56 am: [report]

I see no one has jumped to the defense of morticians yet… My now ex-boyfriend is a mortician and he was the best guy I’ve ever met in my life. It was always a bragging point for me when someone asked what he did :D. There wasn’t anything about his job I couldn’t handle and I feel that at this point in my life it was a great way to really confront my own feelings and attitudes towards death. You really learn to appreciate life and the ones in it even more when you frequently witness loss, grief and regret in others. Morticians do the job that few people want to do or could handle doing. I have the utmost respect for anyone who is in the profession.

I realize this was meant as a joke, but the joke wasn’t very well researched. There are plenty of jobs which are worse/more stressful on relationships than these… How about prostitute/escort? Now that would be a real deal-breaker for me .

59256
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]

i knew i’d see my job on there before i read the list. I’m a mortician, and baby, i get more action that i deserve. i have met lots of guys through my job- the casket delivery guy, hot cops and firemen, the fox that installed the new coffee machine. Trust me, men love a girl in a well cut suit with hair up and glasses on. And i also work with a bunch of hot girls who do similarily well. I’m told its becuase we really enjoy life becuase more than most people, we know how every day really could be your last above ground. its not about what you do for a living, its how much living you do while you’re here.

59256
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]

...and yes the list was about the guys, iand i am lucky to work with 30 really cute in a suit fun loving adventurous men, who also meet chicks at work. its a pretty sweet gig for all of us!

canadiancutie
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 12:55 pm: [report]

For some reason, I find Hayden Panettiere adorable even when she is making that stupid face. I just love her. And for the most irrational of reasons as well: I love her face.

averardoll
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]

I think Hayden smells what the Rock is cooking.

lawyrgrl
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 03:07 pm: [report]

@canadiancutie I am willing to chalk up views on race and weight to simple disagreement/live and let live. However, loving Hayden Panettiere may be truly unforgivable!

_jsw_
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 04:41 pm: [report]

@lawyrgrl: Then I suppose you’ll never be able to forgive me.

Well, OK, “love” is too strong a word. She’s too young for me. But I will confess to a slight infatuation.

lawyrgrl
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 10:02 pm: [report]

@ _jsw_ I am shocked! Shocked, I say, at your lapse of taste.

_jsw_
wrote on August 15 2009 @ 10:49 pm: [report]

@lawyrgrl: I’m quite certain I’d have no desire to actually spend time with her, due to an almost complete lack of common ground (I’m sure she’s reading this and, just now, has become crushed with disappointment). She doesn’t even fit into the category of women with whom I’d normally become infatuated. There’s just something that piques my interest.

lawyrgrl
wrote on August 16 2009 @ 05:18 pm: [report]

@_jsw_ Piques your interest? Is THAT what the kids are calling it these days? (snickers quietly to herself)

_jsw_
wrote on August 16 2009 @ 07:01 pm: [report]

@lawyrgrl: I dunno what the kids these days are calling it. I doubt it includes the verb “pique”. However, as I sat here at the assisted living center, gumming my oatmeal, the phrase came to mind. Probably from the time I spent in France in WWII.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 16 2009 @ 08:13 pm: [report]

@jsw: Yeah, all those ‘prophylactic kits’ are really taking it’s toll. Better lay off the ladies old man.

Steph9668
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 05:53 am: [report]

I did date a psychologist for 2.5 years… but it felt more like 2 and a half years of therapy than a relationship, to be honest. And I stayed, of course, because I reasons I wanted to leave were issues that would “ruin the rest of my relationships anyway so I should really learn to understand and embrace them…and change”.

Yeah, really wish I had that time back.

As for the rest, no idea.

BlueVibe
wrote on August 17 2009 @ 08:05 am: [report]

I used to be a veterinary assistant. I worked weird hours—we were open until 8:00 p.m. on weekends—and always reeked of unwashed dog. Sometimes I worked 55 hours a week. Oh, and we were always busy so I was always exhausted. And almost nothing I did could be mentioned at the dinner table: “What did you do today?” “Um, helped neuter four dogs and cleaned up a massive cat-bite abscess . . . “

I considered going to school to be a funeral director. Ha ha.

My current job is dull (well, I like it, but it’s dull to describe to anyone else) but at least it’s normal hours, doesn’t make me stink, and doesn’t involve anything disgusting.

currdogg2
wrote on August 18 2009 @ 02:12 am: [report]

get laid get #&@$%

princessmorgan
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 10:18 am: [report]

@CheeeeEEEEse: “Handsomer” is spelled wrong in that web address. Fail.

(Furthermore, “more handsome” is technically correct, although “handsomer” is acceptable too, if you like sounding “awkward.”)

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 19 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]

@princessmorgan: If I didn’t sound awkward I’m not doing my job. Farfegnugen!