12 Signs He’ll Be Bad In Bed
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
sex
9:00AM, Tuesday June 9th 2009
We’ve talked about how you can tell the size of a guy’s penis before sampling the goods, but how can you tell how he’s gonna be in bed before doing the deed? Oh, I’m so glad you asked! Women — and men — the world over have had to learn the hard way (or, as the case may be, the not so hard way) that their new guy doesn’t have it going on between the sheets. Now you can be spared their agony! After the jump, 12 signs you know he’ll be bad in bed (without even taking your clothes off).
- He still sleeps in a single bed.
- He has bad breath.
- He owns “Star Wars” bedding.
- When he kisses you, the only part of his body that moves is his tongue.
- He has fuzzy dice or a mini disco ball hanging from the rearview mirror in his car.
- He can’t maintain eye contact with you.
- He never misses a day of working out.
- You’ve been out with him four times and he hasn’t made a move yet.
- He eats with his fingers.
- He constantly brags about his sexual prowess.
- He checks out his reflection in store windows.
- Three words: puka shell necklace.
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bbpickles
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:07 am: [report]
I was out with a guy last night for the 2nd time, and he has not once talked about sex, touched me, didn’t try anything…. Yet he made plans with me for today and this weekend!! Why do I think this is soooo weird? I guess I like denying them the first couple times we go out!
BeTheBuilding
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:10 am: [report]
SO TRUE about the single bed. I can’t stress that enough.
LinSea
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:14 am: [report]
#6 so true and #12 simply hilarious!
Queen Frostine
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:20 am: [report]
Truth to #1 and #4. Although, #3 has proved the opposite once.
retro chic
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:24 am: [report]
N°4. Def the kiss. Also, is physically awkward in gen’l. They just need a patient women to teach them at least avg skills.
Mainer
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:36 am: [report]
Is that why women do not generally obsess over how many women a guy has slept with? Are you thinking “well, if he’s been with that many women, at least a few of them must have showed him how to do it right, so maybe he’ll be pretty good in bed.”
Men, on the other hand, get jealous at how many men a woman has slept with because we’re in constant competition with each other, so we’re thinking “well, if she’s been with that many men, at least a few of those guys are going to be a lot better in bed than I’m going to be.”
Personally, the guidance of a patient woman is a great thing. I use to be awkward in bed, not know what I was doing, generally going at it like I’m drilling for oil. But a few patient girl friends were really able to show me some things and now I’d like to think I’m at least half-way decent.
retro chic
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:45 am: [report]
I had a long-term relationship that was launched on his confident delivery of “Now you’re with someone with Experience,” (the exception to N°10). And how. And is why I wouldn’t marry him. He made too many others happy, ever-trying to return to the trough.
MoonBabye
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]
I don’t know if I get the workout one? He has a small peen? Too much testosterone? If so, (although he didn’t have a small peen) I dodged a bullet.
I’d like to add 13. If alcohol is always in the mix. That’s a touch schtick to pull off. The right amount of liquid courage that won’t cause whiskey peen.
joyy
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:59 am: [report]
@MoonBabye - it’s a sign that he’s obsessed with himself/how he looks. obviously some guys just really enjoy working out, are creatures of habit, or are otherwise involved in a sport/club that requires regular practice and aren’t doing so out of narcissism, but I’ve seen this one be true more often than not.
Wendy Atterberry
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]
@Joyy, that’s it exactly.
Perceptible
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:05 am: [report]
My bf is guilty of #7 and #9 but that has no negative impact on our sexy time. Not even a little. His working out every day is a good thing (I do too) and well, he’s just so cute I can forgive the occasional eating with his fingers. Sometimes it’s even sexy.
MoonBabye
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:06 am: [report]
Gotcha…the bullet I dodged does it for his job (law enforcement) but I can see the narcissism that comes with that career too. Thanks Joyy!
retro chic
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]
Corellary to N°7. The newly divorcing/separated man at the gym, ie, no game—yet.
LadyAlys
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
I don’t think #3 is true. I love my nerd. I think that a lot of times the guy who’s considered nerdy is usually more aware of what the woman wants in bed, and it isn’t all about him.
theoldman
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]
I beg to differ with #8. Not ALL men are members of the 4-F club (find’em, fool’em, f***‘em , and forget’em). Some of us are looking for “keepers” and not interested in “catch and release”. For keepers, it is sensuality and intimacy that matter not sexuality although sexuality is a key ingredient of sensuality. It takes time not 3 or 4 dates. 3 or 4 months if you are lucky. I had bad for 4 years and the world’s greatest lover for 15 years so I think I know the difference.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:40 am: [report]
@ladyalys: We read.
misspixie
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]
I’d love it if a guy had Star Wars sheets, I love those movies (I am such a geek and am crushing on a geek atm, it’s all raaaather cool). I pretty much agree with the rest, though.
Simcha Whitehill
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 11:00 am: [report]
Star Wars OR Justice League bedding….even if he calls it the “Bed Of Justice,” justice will not be served!
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]
@Simcha: Justice League bedding almost sounds so implausible such that I think you just made a confession.
Ginger
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]
I agree with most of these.
But number three is wrong. One of the best people I ever slept with had Star Wars sheets.
Also, if they are a nerd, you can bet they’ve still got that latent sexual frustration from high school. Not to mention the feeling that they need to prove themselves to women even though they’ve grown out of their physicall awkward high-school selves (for the most part).
I’ve met/heard of lots of nerds who are far more attentive to their partners because of these things.
ChoJinn
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 01:45 pm: [report]
whew, good thing I traded my General Greivous duvet for Dr. Who pillow cases.
Humble Bee
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 03:28 pm: [report]
My ex had The simpson’s Bedding, and he had something worse than a single bed, he had an air mattress. NOw that made me feel cheap, lol. I would always tell him, f*ck I feel like everytime I come over it’s camping time. Bad bad memories, but funny, i guess…
wonder_bread
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 04:52 pm: [report]
is a single bed the same as a twin??? never heard it used that way… my guy has a queen or king is that a single??
sam04
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 05:21 pm: [report]
Twin is single.
killahTRAMP
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:12 pm: [report]
i dated a guy with pokemon sheets and a single bed… and he was great in it. ;]
Isista
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:58 pm: [report]
Please tell me these are jokes. Some of these are just ridiculous, and all are generalizing in major ways.
eeyayo
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 04:16 am: [report]
Are Star Wars sheets really that common?
And if it’s so bad for a guy to have Star Wars bedding, then I’m pretty bad too, with my Little Mermaid comforter.
For me, the LM comforter is a little something I whip out when it’s a rainy day or I’ve been emotionally distraught—it’s like a teddy bear. Maybe Star Wars sheets are a ‘teddy bear’ and it’s a sign of sensitivity. While manly-I-never-cry-guys are a great fantasy, a real manly-I-never-cry-guy who orgasms and says, “Well, it’s been nice—I gotta go,” before you’ve come is not pleasant.
I’ll take sensitivity and understanding over Mister Macho any day.
Oliveira
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 05:00 am: [report]
#7 as a guy I may exclusively reveal that while working out 3-4 times a week boosts our powers, working out 6 times a week makes us tired.
Also, the small penis thing is true—men with huge muscles often try to compensate for something (and steroids more or less kill their erections).
#9 I don’t understand that one. I eat chicken with my fingers. My boyfriend refers to me sometimes as “the god of sex”. Perhaps that means he’s easily satisfied?
texasflower
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 08:59 am: [report]
#10 is so true!! After dating this guy for a few weeks, texting and having phone sex I was sooo ready to get busy with him! When it came down to it, poor guy! He had no clue. He tried way too hard to impress. He’s an awesome kisser but that couldn’t make up for his lack in the sack! Talk about disappointment!
Keesh Mia
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]
@kiilahTramp Totally agree. I dated someone with a single bed and he was truly the god of sex. I guess there is always an exception to the rule.
pornqueen
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]
#2: Oh so true. Bad breath, bad sex, period. If I can’t even kiss him how in in God’s world am I going to do anything else?
).
#10: If he has to brag then he has to go. Show me how good you are, that’s all. Less talk more action I always say (except dirty talk
moriah
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]
No on #12, I refuse to believe that!
DancerNinja
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 01:08 pm: [report]
#7: Why does he work out all that time? Is he an athlete? Physical prowess like that is hot. Is he doing bicep curls in front of a mirror? Blah.
I actually dated a guy that would diss me and bedtime for the gym, or say that he’s too tired from working out to do *anything*. It was all too common. I started to wonder…..
Santiago
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 01:55 pm: [report]
@Simcha LOL
prometheus
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 04:39 pm: [report]
a divorced man at the gym = ‘no game yet’...? wha? don’t get that one. a pile of cobblers there.
perhaps a divorced man at the gym is actually doing something for himself after going through something hellish.
good grief, a guy at the gym might even be there because he wants to look + feel good.
AndlovesaidNo
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 05:17 pm: [report]
I wish men came with a Surgeon General warning sewn on their forhead ... Warning this #&@$% will run up your phone bill ,, Suck in bed ,, #&@$% about 2 or 3 of your girlfriends ,, and has a tendency to smack a Bitch around
Access DENIED
stormygirl
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 05:24 pm: [report]
no. 10 is so true. if you’re that good in bed, then your actions will speak for themselves. you won’t have to say anything at all. If you have to constantly brag about how good you are, that really means that you suck.
IAMME
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 05:24 am: [report]
andlovesaidno- LMAO…too funny…
These comments are making me wonder if you have all slept with the same guy with the star wars sheets, surely there are not that many men out there with them…..hmm…
friskyman68
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 06:25 am: [report]
IMO, it doesn’t help that women have to speak in code words to a guy about sex one bit. If I’m not giving you what you want, just say it. I wanna please you. I want to know that I got a chance to be that guy that knocks your socks off. I wont that chance if you cannot at least be honest with me.
wonder_bread
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 07:04 pm: [report]
does or would anyone consider the size of a guys car as a way of compensating… like the guys with the really big trucks just for no reason… the ones u have to hop in lol
Napa Valley Guy
wrote on June 12 2009 @ 10:13 am: [report]
OK, #8. That’s a sign that he really only wants to be friends, or he’s so intimidated by you that the fear of rejection is paralyzing him. Perhaps the female half might make a move? There are so many ways you can go wrong on the first couple of dates that it’s amazing that anyone ever gets hooked up. Went on a first date last night with a stunning woman who posted online. The e-mail exchange went well, likewise the phone calls, and now it’s face-to-face. I think that four and a half hours, sitting across from each other at a small table, eating, drinking, talking and laughing is a good start. When we left we walked close together and had our arms around each other and it felt easy and un-forced. The goodbye kiss was not long, but not hurried and I booked a subsequent date. I think I am good in bed, and I have been told this enough times that I believe it, but never try to brag… way uncool. But when she dropped the reference to her smooth, waxed pussoir, I felt that the next time might be even better. I think she was assessing my prowess all evening, by whatever means, and that she has already determined that I am worth a quick tryout, and I am hoping for more.
cherikee
wrote on July 28 2009 @ 02:29 pm: [report]
I’m a guy, and #1,3,8 are SO NOT TRUE. I have been told “I don’t even understand how good you are”, and if you can even hold my hand in the first four dates, then you are lucky. I just don’t move that fast. Guess that’s why I can never get a date. Oh, and maybe a guy can’t afford a bigger bed because he has higher priorities in his life, like buying a house, or furthering his business/career. And nerds definitely make the best lovers. But, some of these are true.