Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Snooki’s Twins? Jesse James’ Dog Fighting?

Happy springtime, birdies! Love is in the air and flowers are … starting to think about flowering sometime relatively soon? But here in Hollywood, the stars are already tending to the birds and the bees. They’re hunting for the metaphorical egg and checking out each other’s baskets. It’s a total moral free-for-all most of the time, so it’s a good thing that they’re being stalked watched by the paparazzi and an even better thing that we’ve rounded up the major stories for you so you don’t even have to leave your computer!

  • Kendra Wilkinson Baskett held her weekly appointment with the tabloids and used the opportunity to defend her parenting decisions. She says Hank Baskett is great with diapers, over-sharing, “while I was in New York last week, he sent me pictures of the baby’s poop!” Even though Kendra was booed when she brought her 8-week-old son to the Super Bowl to watch his dad, she says the baby was perfectly safe in a private box, surrounded by security and says of her mom skills, “I’m like a mama bear, just ready to attack anybody that looks like they’re about to do something to the baby. I can be very territorial and tell them to back it up!”
  • New mom Kourtney Kardashian also stood up to haters by blogging, “Scott and I are together and very happy. Period.” Kourtney also managed to convince him to get a job (finally) as an event organizer in Miami. An insider says, “Kourtney is a turbo mom, she likes to change his diapers, dress him, feed him…She hates leaving [4-month-old] Mason for more than an hour.”
  • Bethenny Frankel got married on Sunday to businessman Jason Hoppy at the Four Seasons in New York. The wedding will be featured in Bravo’s “Real Housewives of New York City” spin-off “Bethenny’s Getting Married.” Wedding highlights include a red velvet wedding cake, the fact that Bethenny is six-months-pregnant, and “Housewife” guests Ramona Singer and Alex McCord. In an exclusive OK! interview, Bethenny said, “I used to think I would never get married and then I met Jason and he said, ‘I want to get married and I want to have kids.’ I thought all I had room for was my career, but now I can come home to something calm and great.” [OK!]

  • Kim Kardashian is lucky to have gotten out of her relationship with jerk cheater Reggie Bush. Apparently, the breakup took place over the phone after growing apart for some time, according to a source, “They were busy in their own worlds. Kim’s not crying or sad—she’s over it.” In the past few months, the couple had only seen each other a few times as Kim’s been busy with her show, her site ShoeDazzle, a new perfume, and a line with Bebe. Meanwhile, Reggie was accused of more cheating and said recently, “Football players are camera-shy,” but maybe he’d like the camera more if he wasn’t always up to no good?
  • In more “Dancing with the Stars” diva news, after Kate Gosselin was told her waltz looked like her partner was “pushing a shopping cart around,” Kate’s local grocery store has taken to saying they’re “bringing in the Kate Gosselins” when cart-collecting goes down. While her partner, Tony Dovolani, wants to practice all day, Kate goes out tanning and to get mani/pedis. A source says, “Tony is losing patience with her attitude.” In other diva news, Pamela Anderson wants to ditch the panties and pasties and insists that camera crews bring ring lights, which hide wrinkles.
  • In the most interesting thing the tabloids have done in awhile, they asked Madonna questions about her daughter Lourdes, and their teen clothing line. Of her fashion icon daughter, Madonna says, “If anything, I wish she’d dress more conservatively. How’s that for irony?” The 13-year-old will attend a performing-arts high school to study acting instead of pursuing fashion, but she’s doing most of the work for their collaborative line. Lourdes also still tells her mom how to dress, as Madonna says, “You don’t want to be caught in the glare of Lola! Sometimes I change—and sometimes I stand up to her, damn it!” [Us Weekly]

  • John Mark Karr, who falsely confessed to killing JonBenet Ramsey, is now a woman and is still obsessed with the unsolved murder. His former fiance says, “John is a deeply troubled individual… John went to visit her grave at least once a week… John told me that if we ever broke up, he’d continue the process of changing into a woman.” Creep chills.
  • Progress has been made into Hitchcock’s “Psycho” shower scene mystery. It was thought that Janet Leigh’s body double, Marli Renfro, had been murdered by the handyman, Kenneth Dean Hunt. But the journalist who wrote Zodiac, Robert Graysmith, found that the woman killed was Leigh’s lighting stand-in, Myra Davis (which was formerly reported to be Marli Renfro’s real name). Graysmith says Hunt was obsessed with “Psycho” and wanted to kill Leigh’s body double, but even he confused her for the stand-in. Meanwhile, Marli is still alive and didn’t realize people thought she was dead.
  • Jesse James has entered rehab, hoping Sandra Bullock will take him back, but now he’s in even more trouble after allegedly fighting his pit bulls to the death — Jesse’s dog Rudy was ripped apart, one of his legs was torn from his body, almost completely. An insider says, “Sandra was horrified and in tears when she first heard what had happened to those animals. She believed he was this gentle biker with a heart of gold. But if he can let this sort of thing happen to his dogs, that tells you who he really is — Jesse IS heartless.” Jeez! How did no one realize this guy was a Nazi dog fighter? [The National Enquirer]

  • Jesse James entered a treatment facility to deal with personal issues, what kind of treatment facility is unclear. A friend of the couple says that Sandra is still in shock, “She’s sad—but getting angrier. Now that four women have claimed affairs with the West Coast Choppers owner, Sandra is trying to decide how to proceed, her main concern is for Jesse’s children who she treated like her own. A friend says, “He [Jesse] has been immersing himself in his children and trying to keep them from crying too much because they miss Sandra.” Jesse’s friends know there’s no one else to blame, “Jesse had the best thing that ever happened to him, and he tore it apart. Sandy didn’t deserve it, and he knows that.”
  • Ricky Martin finally came out, after waiting over a decade, writing on his website, “I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.” Martin has dated women in the past, including Mexican model/TV host Rebecca de Alba for nearly ten years. He credits his beautiful twin boys (born through a surrogate) and blames his career insecurities on being constantly told that his career would be ruined if he spilled the beans and was surprised when everyone cheered him on. The world offers a resounding, “duh.”
  • People visited MSNBC star Rachel Maddow at her Massachusetts home where her partner Susan Mikula says, “Neither of us cooked! I could make macaroni and cheese from a box. Rachel could make toast and salsa.” The couple stays in Manhattan during the week to film Rachel’s eponymous show, which she says is “a very all-consuming job—but in a good way.” The drive to their country home, built in 1865, offers a welcomed escape, says Maddow, “having a place out of the city is a shortcut toward the mental reset I need.” The two met when Maddow was doing yard work on Mikula’s Berkshires home. Maddow says of their meeting, “In the middle of nowhere, we fell in love and the rest is history.” Loves it. [People]

  • In one of the most bizarre “Jersey Shore” twists yet, it seems that MTV is offering a big bonus (up to a half-million dollars) to whichever guidette gets pregnant and starts a spin-off show and Snooki is up for the challenge, saying “I want twins! We want a boy and a girl, fraternal twins. I think our kids will be so cute!” What!? Baby bribery? Snooki also says she hopes the Miami digs will be more “like a ‘Real World’ house” since their last house was “just s**t.” In super exciting “Jersey Shore” news, in the next season, the cast is going to Italy! An insider says, “they’ll have to face real Italians, who confront them about the whole Guido thing.” Holy crap. So excited.
  • Taylor Swift went out with Taylor Lautner and “Glee” star Cory Monteith, one day apart. Taylor and Cory are getting super close, texting (sexting?), going on dinner and movie dates, and hugging for just a bit too long. Taylor also went out with Taylor Lautner, sharing lunch in Beverly Hills, but a source says, “She felt like he was a little young for her, but now she thinks that Taylor’s becoming more mature. She might give their relationship another go.” Another insider says, “Cory is older and more of a challenge for Taylor, which she likes. But she loves knowing that if that doesn’t work out, she has another hunk waiting in the wings!”
  • Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler have been super cozy all week, while promoting their new movie “The Bounty Hunter,” and a source says it’s just what Jen needs. “Her ego was so low after John Mayer dumped her. But now she’s glowing, and it’s all because of Gerard. He’s just soooo into her. He would do anything for her. He’s always complimenting her, calling her, asking to see her. The attention is just what she needs.” Jen’s been glowing and grinning all week, as the source says: “She said she feels beautiful when she’s with Gerard. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did another movie—or even something more intimate and private!—together soon.” [Star]