Not so long ago, my wife and I were talking to a recently-divorced friend of ours. She’s younger than we are, in her early thirties, and as far as she’s concerned, she’s never tying the knot again. Not because of an objection to the institution, but because she’s convinced that most men marry for one reason: they want to be taken care of emotionally.
“I got tired of thinking about someone else’s needs all the time,” our friend said. “I’m prepared to take care of a baby. But I don’t want my first-born to be my second child.” When she heard that, my wife turned to me and gave me a grin. She knows my history.
In three previous marriages and a handful of other long-term relationships (I haven’t been single for long since I was 16), I found myself—like so many men—taking on the parts of the “naughty boy” and the “helpless child.” Time and again, I turned wives and girlfriends into mother-figures, and the result was inevitably disastrous. Keep reading »
My lady friend asked me if I thought it was “absurd” to want to be monogamous with someone and I immediately told her that I did not think it was absurd. It’s absurd to want to be monogamous with a rhinoceros or a pineapple. Especially pineapples, because they are the sluttiest fruit. But I do think that wanting or expecting monogamy is unnatural. Keep reading »
First dates are like job interviews. If you say the wrong thing, or fail to groom, or act like an obnoxious loon, then chances are good you’re going to stay unemployed. When you’re on that first date, be on your best behavior.
This list of dumb first date mistakes is meant to help. Because we care. Don’t make any of these mistakes, and your first date will probably be a smashing success.
And trust us: plenty of people make these mistakes. They text at the table, or smell like belly button lint, or ask intensely personal questions. These people don’t deserve to be in a relationship. Don’t be one of these people. Avoid these 10 dumb first date mistakes. Read more… Keep reading »
We’ve all been burned after giving someone our number. He promises he’ll call. There’s no reason he won’t! I mean, things went really well, right? You had a great time together, tons in common, talked for hours, (or did other things for 5 to 20 minute spurts), and there’s just no way he isn’t into you…But he hasn’t picked up the damn phone! Why? Why not? What the heck’s going on? Well, here’s 11 possibilities for the radio silence that that’s driving you bonkers. Keep reading »
These Jeffrey Campbell wedges defy the laws of physics and gravity and all that is right in the world, but apparently that doesn’t matter: even at $200 a pop, they’re sold out. Judging from the enthusiastic reviews, they’re a hit with female customers, but we were curious about what the Man Panel would think of such a strange little shoe. Their candid reactions after the jump… Keep reading »
A recent study has concluded that it doesn’t pay to be a “nice” guy. Scientists have found that men who are “agreeable” in the workplace don’t earn as much money as men who are more cutthroat. This groundbreaking finding serves to prove that tired old saying that “nice guys finish last.” When did you become so starved for attention, science? I know that modern society is allergic to reason and that facts and the boring pursuit of truth aren’t sexy. But why bother drumming up controversy by using social research to confirm a statement that only reinforces gender cliches? Do you need a ratings boost?
When women hear that “nice guys finish last,” they wail and shake their fists and wonder aloud, very loudly, if they’ll ever, ever, ever find a guy who isn’t a jackass. Then there are the men who are actually jackasses who tell themselves they’re “nice guys,” because even jackasses need to sleep. But then they read, for the 1000th time, that “nice guys finish last,” and resign themselves to being jackasses. Because why bother being a nice guy if you’re doomed to failure? Both men and women respond emotionally to the phrase “nice guys finish last.” I don’t care how scientifically sound the study happens to be because I’ll bet all my credit card debt that it was inspired by a desire to steal some spotlight instead of illuminating the human condition. Keep reading »
What is the single man’s goal? To land a single woman. But no matter how charming, attractive or witty you are, women can be turned off in an instant. When approaching a woman, remember to avoid these top 10 women repellants. Read more… Keep reading »
About six months ago, my naturally curly locks entered a fussy phase. My hair has always been a delicate ecosystem, but some unidentified hormonal, dietary, or environmental shift had caused it to change from uniformly unruly to lopsidedly bizarre. Essentially, I looked like a frizzy mess except for one stubborn greasy patch directly above my right eye. I had no desire to become the poster child for “combination hair,” and spent a lot of time glaring at my reflection while muttering expletives. Keep reading »
As I surveyed real friends, Facebook friends, Twitter friends, and total strangers about having sex on the first date, the unfortunate cow comparison came up no fewer than five times in my first twelve interviews. Everybody complained about it, bemoaning the lack of nuance, the icky imagery, and the overt transactional implications. And yet, it kept rearing it’s ugly little antiquated head. Are there kernels of truth buried there? Is first-date sex a relationship nonstarter? Are we, as we often claim to be, past the era of plastering A’s on each other’s chests? Keep reading »