Whenever I start dating someone new, they become acquainted with “The Big Three” — the three ex-girlfriends who impacted my life in the most negative ways possible. The Big Three include: the girl who tricked me into an open relationship, the girl who turned out to be a white supremacist, and, lastly, the girl who was a compulsive liar. For anonymity’s sake, I’ll refer to her as Lena, because I don’t know anyone named Lena and I highly doubt Lena Dunham is reading my article under her quilt made of hundred dollar bills.
I met Lena at work and it was dirty, ravenous lust at first sight. We decided to spend the evening together and had one of those romantic nights doing kitschy, hipster errands that every “500 Days of Summer” loving American guy dreams about doing with a pretty girl. We learned about each other; I told her about my obsession with “Planet of The Apes,” she told me about her love of punk music. Lena and I headed back to my conveniently empty apartment with a bottle of wine, six-pack of PBR, and two copies of “Face/Off” and proceeded to get absolutely spooky with each other all night long. Keep reading »
We assume. We assume all the time. We assume and don’t even realize we’re assuming. But we all know what happens when we assume. There’s no better example of that happening than assuming when it comes to sex. Men assume. We assume there are requirements to sex. We assume there are procedures. We assume there are universal truths to the way your bodies work and to the way all women want to fuck. We assume. Here are a few things that we assume and we need to STOP ASSUMING BECAUSE WE’RE WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! Read more on College Candy…
Let me be clear right here from the start, nice people are amazing all the time and wanting to be one should be a main goal in everyone’s life. This isn’t about them.
“Nice Guys,” with the quotes — and if you’re reading this out loud, a little stank in your voice — are not really that nice. They’re actually pretty shitty people who are entitled little shitheads and incapable of understanding the feelings of others. It’s pretty common and understandable if you think like this in middle school or high school, because everyone at that age is usually pretty terrible (definitely myself included), but “Nice Guys” in their twenties and beyond are a real bunch of life-failing sadness machines that just bring my day down like no other.
But it doesn’t have to be like this! I put together some helpful tips so you can tell if you or someone you know is being a Nice Guy, and then get your life back on track to not being a suckfest of a human. Keep reading »
Just because it worked for you back then doesn’t mean it’s still going to work for you now. Something happens between the early 20s to the early 30s that requires a man to change his approach to meeting women. Some guys age accordingly — it’s an effortless transition from keg-stands with the guys to standup paddle-boarding with your lovely new wife. But for most of us, there are some bumps in the road. It’s not always obvious which of your habits will make you into a social pariah as you get older. Until now — no more guessing required. Here are 27 things guaranteed to get you laid at 25 and rejected at 35. Read more on Ask Men…
It’s no secret we all omit some of the grittier and less pleasant details of ourselves. Nobody wants to let it be known on a first date about their flossing rituals or what exactly their browser history looked like last night (before he erased it, of course).
These are tiny experiences and habits that make us all the same, that actually are universal and connect us, as the late-and-great George Carlin spent a career pointing out. So…why so embarrassed? Why must we hide the clauses in the fine print when asking someone else to sign the terms and conditions form? Well, lets run down a few of them and maybe we’ll answer that together. Read more on College Candy…
The best way to define what is “sexy” is to first define what is not sexy. Duck face? Not sexy. Fake tans? Not sexy. Internet think pieces about how some young woman making millions in the public aquarium isn’t sexy? Not sexy AND IRONIC.
Lena Dunham’s character Hannah in “Girls” is sexy. Apparently this is a thing that has to be written. She combusts with sexual energy and heartbreaking vulnerability — she simultaneously claws out of and slinks around comfortably in her tattooed skin. Keep reading »