Fine, I’ll level with you. After all, we’ve been through so much together. You’re like foreign exchange students to me. Not unlike sisters. But I wouldn’t feel gross if I “accidentally” walked in on you while you showered. TMI?
Chances are the reason he hasn’t called you back is because he doesn’t want to talk to you. Maybe he can’t talk to you. Maybe he’s fighting pirates, composing an opera, shampooing orphaned kittens.
If he hasn’t called you back, don’t hemorrhage. Don’t instant message your bestie to bitch and moan. I’ve observed many of you in the wild; bitching and moaning begats more bitching and moaning. A dude not calling you back will snowball into ridiculousness. The simplest, most reasonable answer is the right one. His phone could have been turned off, his grandmother could have died, he could have been hit by a truck and has amnesia. Simple, right? Keep reading »
Men don’t have “guilty pleasures.” We own, nay, celebrate what’s bad for us. Our obsessions are points of pride, not shame. You’ll never see a guy wolf down a small mountain of waffles with a side of pig and squeal, “OMG, I can’t beliiiiieeeeve I ate everything! Tee! Hee!”
We will shamelessly sit in a nest of pizza crusts playing video games for endless hours. Unabashed tears will crawl out of the corners of our eyes when the hometown team chokes at the last minute (tears so manly, of course, that they leave little craters in linoleum). Beer will be quaffed, their caloric potency mocked. These are the things that make life worth living. That, and never ever getting bored of slyly peeping springtime legs stretching out from under brand-new short skirts. Keep reading »
I remember my first blow job as if it was yesterday. A stairwell, in a bar, with a guy named Dave Wolf, who, just in case you might forget his last name, had a wolf tattooed on his shoulder. I was a late bloomer, sorta, so my first beej came when I was 19. But certainly guys must have as potent memories of the first time they went down on a girl — where did it happen? What did they think? And from where did they divine that initial technique? It was the perfect Tuesday lunchtime question for the guys on my IM… Keep reading »
It has recently come to my attention that there are ladies out there who think that their man drooling over pornography is tantamount to adultery. If you truly believe this, you should either dump him ASAP, with extreme prejudice, or accept that you’re going to have to live with his mistress. Dudes watch porn. Keep reading »
I just can’t emotionally or physically connect with a woman unless there is some kind of terrible music playing.
When it comes to love and romance, timing is everything. There is so little choice when it comes to the fickle demands of your heart. And it’s the same with the music that serves as the soundtrack of your life. The songs you fall in love with pick you, not the other way around. There’s a reason the mythical symbol of love is a creepy flying baby who capriciously shoots arrows at random people, coupling them up. He is a stupid, bitter man-baby eternally blighted with an infants diddle. Keep reading »
Spring has arrived! I can practically smell the sunscreen and the delightful ocean breeze. But with the heat comes a question — do men suddenly get a little skip in their step when spring arrives that signals a sudden interest in flirting and non-committal sexy times? I’ve heard the theory that people, especially men, prefer monogamy during the colder months, while spring and summer are reserved for fun philandering. But is it true? I went to the usual suspects for answers… Keep reading »
An objective, partially superficial analysis of women’s magazines like Glamopolitan has led me to form the following conclusions:
If you don’t learn the 456 sex tips, he will cheat on you.
You’re not fat, girl! But here’s a diet to try!
You date nothing but losers — and therefore have an insatiable appetite for articles about men being losers. “How Not To Date A Loser.” “How To Detect A Loser.” “How To Tell If Mr. Right Is Actually A Human Trojan Horse Filled With Thimble-Sized Losers.”
The point is made: You ladies have dated lots of losers. But have you ever considered that maybe, sometimes, totes gasp, you’re the loser yourself? Keep reading »
Last night I had the pleasure of guesting on Cosmo Radio on Sirius. One of things we discussed (in addition to the Hottest Guys With Irish Blood and Paul Rudd) was the public’s obsession with the ins and outs of celebrity sex lives. How weird it must be for, say, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, to know that thousands/millions of people actually think about them DOING IT? But Brian, Cosmo Radio’s resident male, clued us in on something startling. There are people — men, specifically — who think about US having sex. How we do it, what we look like when we’re doing it, and what it might be like to be the one doing it to us. In fact, he promised, we could count on the fact that at least five of our guy friends thought about us while they were jerking off. Say what? My guy friends, aka the Guys On Our IM, have potentially included me in their spank bank? I was honored, not disgusted by the notion, and therefore had to confirm… Keep reading »
I can’t hide it. I, and basically every other woman I know, think Michelle Obama is the bee’s knees. She rocks my world. I look up to her, I want to raid her closet, I aspire to have the same grace and poise and intelligence and confidence and parenting abilities and knack for wearing belts just so. But what do men think of our new First Lady? Given the hot and cold reaction that another strong woman in the same position, Hillary Clinton, felt during her eight years as the wife of the President, I wondered what impression Michelle — who possesses Hillary’s gumption, as well as Laura Bush’s desire for privacy — had on men. And, dare I ask, are they attracted to her? Would they admit such a thing, the way many men were happy to admit the attraction they felt towards, say, Sarah Palin? So many questions! Check out their answers, after the jump… Keep reading »