On an early date with my ex, we were discussing sexual experiences (what, me discuss sex?!) and he told me that he had had a threesome. Months later I found out that he had lied. I wasn’t mad about it, but because it was such an odd thing to make up, I’ve never forgotten it. (I’ve also never figured out why. Was he trying to show off? Plant the seed for a future threesome, which he tried, in vain, to have up until we broke up?) This week I read Glamour‘s “5 Lies Men Tell About Their Sexual History (Hint: The Three-Way is BS)” and discovered that, apparently, many men tell this little fib, along with other sex lies like “I lost my virginity when I was 16!” and “This has never happened before.” So what about the guys on our IM? What sex lies have they told? Keep reading »
There are two types of women in the world: women who are totally comfortable with masturbation and those who are ashamed of the act. I realize there are more than two types of women in the world, so forgive my rhetorical cheat. It’s for a good cause.
I don’t know why some women are weird about pleasuring themselves. I am not, in fact, a woman. But to those who are embarrassed about it, please, think about rubbing one out for your boyfriend or husband tonight. He will love it. There are few spectacles as captivating as a woman getting herself off. It is pure sex on toast. Watching your girl squirm, growl, and hit the right buttons while you whisper dirty little secrets and improper commands is so hot, it makes my guts ache. It’s vulnerable, and intimate, and epically eye-crossing. Keep reading »
Ahh, marriage. Certainly men think long and hard about whether they want to get married right? Or maybe the answer is a no brainer, requiring very little obsession and thought and magazine purchasing? Being that it’s Wedding Week on The Frisky, and because I’d hate to leave the fellas out of such a sexy topic, I went to the guys on our IM to find out how they feel about marriage, weddings, and everything in between… Prepare to be touched! Keep reading »
This week I was pulling together questions from men about the things they wonder about women. One of the questions was, “How quickly do you decide if you’re going to have sex with a guy?” I thought the question was an one that could easily be turned around on men. The question is not, “How quickly do you decide you want to have sex with a woman?” but “How quickly do you decide you are going to have sex with a woman?” If what the guys on our IM have said in the past is to be believed, if you are relatively attractive, every straight guy you know probably would sleep with you. But at what moment does he decide he’s actually going to try, and, for the especially confident, how quickly does he decide he will? Keep reading »
Apparently, Brooke Shields lost her virginity at the positively spinsterly age of 22, and regrets not having gotten it over with earlier. When it comes to celebrity gossip, I’m on a blessed time delay. Normally, I’m too busy doing manly things like chopping down trees with my face, flamethrower-roasting suckling pigs, or seducing entire female soccer teams. But truly, this is momentous news, sorry I’m just getting around to it.
It should be of some solace to Brooke that there is no ideal way to lose one’s virginity. It is supposed to be awkward, because sex is awkward. Objectively speaking, it’s kind of funny. Clearly sex was invented by Morgan Freeman as a way to entertain bored angels. Think about it: sex is a lot of butt meat jiggling, legs in the air swaying back and forth like metronomes, and blush-worthy squishy noises. Shakespeare called sex “making the beast with two backs,” but it’s more like “making the squirming eight-limbed octopus that grunts.” The “O” in “O” face stands for “Oooh my gawd, is my grill turning itself inside out?”
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Most people like to think of themselves as good in bed. Sometimes, they can be very, very wrong. It’s pretty easy to spot a guy who’s crap in the sack — he jackhammers, he doesn’t hit any of the right spots, he’s like an octopus — but what do guys find so awful they’d consider a woman a bad lay? I mean, don’t they always get off? And if so, isn’t that pretty good? I went to the boys to find out. Shockingly enough, they answered this one readily, and they all agreed on one key thing: If you aren’t into it, they aren’t either. Keep reading »
Sometimes I think men get a raw deal. There are so many assumptions and rumors about what guys are attracted to and what they have sexual fantasies about — often perpetuated by magazines, websites, and books that speak to them (Men’s Health, I’m talking to you!). Ultimately, I think most of these are myths. For example, do men really have a virgin fantasy? Are they actually turned on by the idea of deflowering someone? I asked my guys on IM … Keep reading »
Oscar Wilde quipped, “Every woman grows up to be her mother: it is her curse. No man does, and that is his.” Men should aspire to the best of their parental units. No dig against fathers. But my mother’s example has made me a better man.
I’m not a momma’s boy, I’m just a man who loves his momma. I try and call once a week. We’re not all up in each other’s businesses, but we’ve got each other’s backs. We are each other’s biggest fans, and we both prefer our beer in bottles.
I like to think I’ve broken Wilde’s curse and grown up to be like her. Maybe I get points for the attempt. Some things you should know up front about Mrs. DeVore: She is a badass, an artist, and a very beautiful lady. She taught me the very basics that a mother should teach her son: how to cook, how to sew, and how to be gentlemen. Most importantly, she taught me to make the most of who you are because you are all you’ve got. Keep reading »