Thanks to BuzzFeed for reminding me of something totally ridiculous that I noticed in the most recent issue of Cosmopolitan. We’ve already warned you about five sexual tips courtesy of the lady rag that you should absolutely not follow, but, oh, there are so many more. Take the “fun little trick guys love” suggested in the article above. “Use your thong as a hair tie!” Um, what? Why? When? Do not understand! But maybe dudes DO like this weird little move? I asked some guys for their gut response to this suggestion. Their responses, after the jump … Keep reading »
Most guys look at Cosmopolitan magazine the same way that women tend to look at Maxim — as a ridiculous, over-the-top, hyperbole-filled look at sex that has no bearing on actual real-life relationships.
Yet, men still read Maxim (or look at it and grunt), and women still revel in Cosmo‘s softcore porn-filled pages. But while many of Cosmo‘s columns are relatively harmless, the “Things to Try In Bed” features are occasionally so far off track that they threaten to ruin relationships and mental health.
From a guy’s perspective, here’s a look at a few of Cosmo‘s most insane, useless sexual tips and why you should never try them, after the jump. Keep reading »
Women do a lot of silly things to try to impress men; I know this, because men do a lot of ridiculous things to impress women, too. It’s like the circle of life, only it ends with quiet sobbing into a pillow.
The elements of sexual attraction aren’t too complex. Though, even accepted societal norms for picking up a guy often miss the mark because women overthink things. Here’s a look at some of the most surefire ways that women think that they can impress a guy — and why they’ll fail miserably every time.
Keep reading »
I once told my mother about a girl I had a crush on. At the time, I think I was about 16, and I had so much acne that if I fell asleep at a library, when I woke up, a blind guy would be trying to read my face.
“Just go for her,” my mother said.
“It’s not that simple,” I said, while filling out my order form for 25 crates of Noxzema. “She’s got a boyfriend.” Keep reading »
Today, Glamour blogger Shallon Lester brings to our attention a widespread problem plaguing our menfolk: guys seem to really dig crazy chicks. Yes Shallon, I have noticed this, too. But in the post, she gives only a few half-hearted explanations: “Personally, I think guys secretly like the drama. Maybe it makes them feel alive or brings some action to their otherwise dull lives. Or, perhaps it reminds them of the chaos of their own family life as a child (wow, how Dr. Phil am I today?) Or, they could just be weak guys who like being dominated and repressed.” [Glamour]
After the jump, five more theories on why guys seem to loooove crazy women. Keep reading »
When I try to explain my ardor for HBO’s trashy-fabulous soap opera “True Blood” to my dude friends, they either shrug and change the topic, or question whether I’ve been writing for ladyblogs for too long and am suffering from a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Dudes just don’t dig bloodsuckers, since vampires pretty much look like girls. We prefer zombies, because we love chainsaws, flamethrowers, and samurai swords. And because, on some level, we know that besides being vehicles for sperm, our other important, if lesser, genetic imperative is to defend our loved ones from hordes of unthinking, flesh-eating metaphors for current social anxieties. Keep reading »
Yesterday, I broke down for dudes why gals won’t have sex with them, even if we totally had a hot successful date. But what if you don’t even get the chance to play coy? Nothing is more perplexing than a guy not trying to put the moves on you, when you’re clearly interested in him. So we decided to ask our man panel WTF?! Aren’t your penises hard-wired to pounce anything they can? Shouldn’t we just be able to snap our fingers and make guys our sexytime machines? NO?! Well, their reasons are just as shocking…
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Recently, I read a post about the lessons women want to teach their daughters about men and their relationships. Many excellent experiences were shared, possibly too many. Then again, little girls are more cerebral than their male counterparts. Little boys require simple instructions: fire bad, truth good, rifles are not telescopes. For the sake of my future son — a hypothetical if ever there were one — I will keep it straightforward and tell him the one thing he needs to know about women. It is something his old man has learned over years and years of wrapping relationships around trees: Listen to the women in your life. Of course, if I had followed my own dad’s example, and just did what he did, which was pay my mother undivided attention when she spoke, I wouldn’t have had to learn things the hard way. Keep reading »
Guys can be fickle, or, as the French say, “huge jerks who don’t call women back.” Sometimes, though, we’ve got a pretty valid excuse for not picking up the phone. After the jump, why men might not call you back for that second date. Keep reading »