And you thought you had a rough day at the office: a prostitute in Zimbabwe passed out during sex with her john. As she was being placed inside a coffin, she suddenly woke up and began screaming, “You want to kill me!”, thus freaking everyone the f**k out. The woman, identified as MaNdlo, reportedly collapsed and “died” on the job at the Manor Hotel in Bulowayo, Zimbabwe. Authorities wasted no time putting MaNdlo inside a steel coffin, as they assumed her cold body mean she was dead. Nope! “It was like a movie,” The Huffington Post quoted a source ”People were running away in different directions. It was a scary incident because we were all convinced that she had died because she was just cold. Miracles surely do happen.” Or maybe people just need to learn how to take a pulse. [Huffington Post]
Good morning! Have you had your coffee yet? Great! Because you’ll need something in your system to help you digest these glorious photos of Brazilian “model” Sabrina Boing Boing breastfeeding a calf. Ms. Boing Boing, whose chief talent appears to be hiring herself out as a Pamela Anderson impersonator, posted the photos on Instagram, with the caption (translated from the Brazilian) “some things don’t need to make sense, just worth it!” Yes, just worth it.
This isn’t Boing Boing’s first erotic foray to the petting zoo. Last week, she posted topless photos of herself about to feed an ostrich, too. (Picture of that after the jump) Somebody get this woman a TV show. [Huffington Post]
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Bro code rule number one is that if you pass out at a party or a gathering of bros, you have to accept the consequences. The consequences, historically and bro-culturally, are typically that you’ll wake up with a dick or several dicks drawn on your face. It’s not necessarily fair, but thems the rules. So when 31-year-old (!) James Denham Watson got wasted and passed out on the couch while hanging out with his friends, he shouldn’t have been surprised to wake up with a gallimaufry of penises scrawled across his face. Keep reading »
On a scale of one to absolutely freaking psychotic, staging a knife attack on a first date so you can play hero ranks, uh, absolutely freaking psychotic. Twenty-six-year-old Tyler Siegel of Jonesboro, Arkansas, went all out to impress his date, but not with, like, flowers and a fancy dinner or something like that. Oh no. As a little end of the evening surprise, he arranged to have his friend pretend to be a criminal and attack the couple at knifepoint while strolling through a local park. Oh, yeah, because women really love those kinds of surprises! Keep reading »
Dear Jacek Korolko AKA The Guy Who Was Fined For Blasting Celine Dion Songs,
My love for Celine Dion is well documented, but it’s tough for me to find men who appreciate her majestic vocal stylings as much as I do. My current boyfriend, for example, could sum up his feelings about Celine Dion with a shrug and a “meh,” which upsets me to no end. You, on the other hand, obviously share my passion for Queen Celine, because you were recently fined £1,300 (nearly $2,000) for blasting her songs at high volume at your apartment complex in Bristol, England. Apparently your neighbors have been “very distressed at the unreasonable volume of music played often late at night,” but let me tell you something: your neighbors are idiots. Move in with me, and we’ll crank up the volume to “The Power Of Love” until all the windows shatter.
‘Cause I’m your lady,
It took a team of 14 bakers, pastry chefs, and candy artists nearly 3,000 hours to create the world’s first edible pop-up hotel in Soho, London. The Willy Wonka-esque wonderland welcomed its first guests this week, a couple who enjoyed a carpet made of meringues, bouquets of sugar roses, fudge windowsills, spongecake pillows, 100 pieces of edible art, and a clawfoot bathtub full of caramel corn, which sounds incredibly uncomfortable, especially if a stray kernel found its way into one of your body cavities, but that’s neither here nor there. Check out a few more pictures of this massive sugar coma waiting to happen, after the jump! Keep reading »
A snake set a house on fire. Wait. Let me back up because that sounds like a snake is guilty of arson. And we all know that’s not possible because snakes don’t have arms. Except for that snake freak of nature that grew a hand and crawled across a woman’s wall. Claw Snake, you may be dead but you still haunt my dreams on a regular basis.
But the snake in this story did not have a claw. It was a regular snake minding its own business in a yard in Bowie County, TX. When the home owner saw this snake while cleaning up her yard, she freaked out, as any of us would, doused it in gasoline and set it on fire. Then the snake on fire, as any snake on fire would, tore through the yard catching brush aflame and eventually, the house on fire. The woman’s home was destroyed and a neighboring house incurred damages. And now, Fire Snake will take over as primary haunter of my dreams. [Uproxx]
It’s officially spring, but many parts of the country are still blanketed with snow. Want to cut through the slush in style? Try a toe plow, which is exactly what it sounds like: a tiny snow plow that attaches to the toe of your shoe. Apparently you can make your own toe plow with some PVC pipe and a couple of dog collars. Can you imagine if this caught on, and every morning crowds of people shuffled to work wearing little toe plows? That’s the world I want to live in. [Instructables via Neatorama]
Tea: It’s good for you, but only if you don’t drink too much of it. And by “too much of it,” we mean a pitcher made with 100 to 150 tea bags. That’s how much a Detroit woman drank each day, and doctors eventually realized that her years of back, arm, leg, and hip pains were caused by the tea habit, according to the New England Journal of Medicine. Read more…
Twenty-one-year old Eric Michael Miller of Bellingham, WA has been sentenced to 18 months in prison for burglarizing a home and shooting one of its habitant with a semen-filled squirt gun.
Natch, this sperm shooting was all for drug money. There are always drugs involved. According to court records, Miller and two unidentified men broke into the home looking for a man who owed him money, but found the man’s roommate instead, asleep on the couch. The unlucky bastard.
Miller and his sidekicks held the man at knifepoint, beat him with a real gun, at which point Miller whipped out his semen gun and squirted the man in the face, saying, “Now you’re like the rest of my bleep, covered in semen.”
Okay, I must stop writing now because I’m feeling sicksies. [GeekOSystem]