Passing gas is a natural, normal and completely uncontrollable bodily function. So how is it that so many people are arrested in fart-related incidents? Think I’m talking out of my ass? Hardly! Better open a window — here are 10 times the police were called in because someone had the nerve to break wind…
Almost 400 people bought coffee for the customer behind them at a drive-through Starbucks in St. Petersburg, Florida, on Wednesday. That morning, after paying for her own drink, a woman asked to pay for the drink of the customer in the car next in line behind her. That person paid it forward by paying for the person behind them, and the chain of kindness continued until baristas tallied 378 people paying for strangers’ drinks. When each driver arrived at the drive-through window to pay for their orders, barista Vu Nguyen would let them know that the driver in front of them had paid for their drink and asked if they’d like to return the favor. Keep reading »
Well, this stinks. Jessica Annette Cerney was minding her own business, laying on the couch at home in Myrtle Beach, when Darrell Ray McKnight — presumably a friend or acquaintance of Cerney’s who, according to the police report, “routinely” sleeps on the front porch — wandered inside and “passed gas” in Cerney’s face. Cerney bolted outside (that bad?) and McKnight followed her. The pair got into a tussle, with McKnight approaching Cerney in a “threatening manner,” and Cerney punched McKnight in the face three times. Police were called, McKnight was sent to the hospital to be treated for a swollen eye, and both he and Cerney face charges for disorderly conduct.
See, this is why you have to be mindful about where and when you fart, because you could get hurt. My grandmother — RIP Colleen Parry! — was always very cautious, and would back her butt into the corner of a room to “toot.” If only everyone was as respectful. [Death and Taxes]
By day, she is Elise S. Carter. Onstage, she is The Lady Aye, a professional sideshow performer. She can eat and breath fire, lay on a bed of nails, escape from a straightjacket, and is one of the few female sword swallowers in the world (and the only Jewish female sword swallower in America). In this mini documentary by Martyna Sarosta for The Jewish Daily Forward, you can watch The Lady Aye doing part of her act. But just as compelling is the story about how the self-discipline of her highly-skilled act has helped her cope with an eating disorder. Her thoughts on what it means to be “pain-proof” — a sideshow term that means smiling through the pain — carries a certain poetic justice. [Forward]
Remember 16-year-old Ethan Couch? He was that shitbird who killed four people while driving drunk and was only given 10 years probation because he was spoiled by his rich parents. District Judge Jean Boyd nonsensically determined that “affluenza” (that’s when your immune system is drowning in cold, hard cash) made Couch unable to distinguish between right and wrong, so I wonder what her expert opinion would be on the teen’s dad, Fred Couch, who was arrested this week for impersonating a police officer. Is it the smell of money that makes rich people do fucked up and stupid things? Is it the stress of not knowing how to possibly spend it all? Maybe seeing so many zeros on a bank statement causes some sort of temporary personality disorder? Unclear. I look forward to seeing what kind of defense Fred Couch uses and whether the judge in his case is as gullible. [Death and Taxes]
Alicia Walicke, a 22-year-old from Cedar Park, Texas, was devastated when her boyfriend was arrested and sent to the county jail — so she set out to join him there. Walicke shoplifted a $3.99 bottle of wine from a local gas station and then sat down outside to drink it, waiting for the cops to catch up to her. When she arrived in jail, she provided a proud smile for her mugshot, likely still jittery from her “romantic” gesture. Walicke has two previous convictions for theft and a prior arrest for biting a police officer. She had to post a $5,000 bail to be released — imagine how much of that cheap gas station wine she could’ve bought instead! No word on whether she actually got to see her boyfriend while she was locked up, or why simply going to see him on visitor’s day like everyone else wasn’t enough for her. True love, am I right? [Cosmopolitan, The Wire, Statesman] [Image via Shutterstock]