Der Eric Ducharme, Merman,
I believe that when you find the thing you love, you should hang on and never let go. In your case, the thing you love is being a Merman — that’s a male mermaid for non-merman enthusiasts — and bless you for it. Keep reading »
A lot of people are curious about what it might be like at their own funeral. Who’d show up? What would they say? Would there be fondue at the wake? Important questions that most of us will never be able to answer. Except for Chinese student Zeng Jia, who staged her own friggin’ funeral while still alive so she could “enjoy it.” Morbid much? Keep reading »
Hagfish are jawless, spineless creatures that live at the bottom of the ocean and eat dead whales. When they are attacked or threatened, they spray predators with a slimy substance, and someday in the not-too-distant future, your clothing might be made out of that lovely slime. Here’s the deal: as of now, most synthetic fabrics such as nylon and spandex are made from oil. As we all know painfully well, oil is not a renewable resource, and at some point we’ll need to find a new way to make our hoodies and slutty yoga pants. Keep reading »
A Vero Beach, Florida, woman was arrested after throwing papayas and exposing her nether regions to her neighbors last month. According to a statement she made to police, Suzanne Evlarina Wasden, 49, said an ex-boyfriend came to her home “looking for birthday sex” (TYPICAL) and she became incensed. Wasden, who was pretty drunk, wasn’t interested, and went over to her 16-year-old neighbor’s trailer to ask for a beer and a cigarette. When the teen failed to comply, butt drama ensued. Keep reading »
Loud sex is one of those things that’s only enjoyable for the people having it. For the rest of us, it’s highly uncomfortable. Unless you’re in the middle of the forest or a cheap motel, have some respect for others and try to be discreet for godssakes. Especially if, say, you are going at it in the bathroom of fast food restaurant. Recently, a UK couple was escorted out of a McDonald’s for not being anywhere near discreet enough. Keep reading »
If you thought the “Real Housewives’” divorces were messy, this couple takes irreconcilable differences to a whole new level. A Zimbabwean woman is seeking a divorce because, amongst other outlandish claims, she says her husband tried to force her to have sex with a snake. The husband countered that claim saying his wife urinated on his church uniform and physically abused him. Keep reading »
When I was a 10-year-old, the worst thing a boy did to me was put Scotch tape in my hair. If only! Proof that society is going down the toilet: two fifth grade boys in Colville, Washington, have first-degree murder conspiracy charges against them for plotting to rape and kill their female classmate. They were discovered on February 7 after a child saw one of the boys playing with a knife on the school bus; in a backpack, the kids had a .45-caliber semiautomatic pistol (stolen from a family member) and ammunition. One of the boys explained, “She’s rude and always made fun of me and my friends.” Keep reading »
Guests at the Pantai Inn in La Jolla, California, had an unexpected visitor earlier this week, when a sea lion pup wandered up off the beach and took up residence in one of the resort’s outdoor pool chairs. The lion lounged about for a while, before handlers from the local SeaWorld showed up to humanely remove the animal. According to the surveillance video, the sea lion went on quite an adventure. She traveled from the ocean, up a flight of stairs, crossed a major road and then meandered into the hotel courtyard.
The lady lion was taken to Sea World’s Animal Care Complex before eventually being released back into the wild. As adorable as an unexpected sea lion visit might be, it’s also a troubling indication of habitat destruction and over-development. According to reports, more than 200 local wild animals have popped up in unlikely places since the beginning of this year — up from last year’s numbers. [Huffington Post]
Oh Tatsujiro Fukasawa, you do know a woman’s weakness, don’t you? Fukasawa, 40, attempted to kill a female colleague he’d been stalking by pouring hydrofluoric acid into her shoes. Hydrofluoric acid acid can be absorbed via the skin and cause everything from skin abrasions to internal organ failure. The woman realized something was wrong when she developed gangrene on her left foot. It’s not known how much permanent damage the acid has caused.
For his part, Fukasawa denies the charges. Police are also investigating what they believe may be a related case: the same woman said she was forced to go to the hospital this past October after experiencing pain while wearing a pair of boots. [Japan Times]
Dear Veniamin Balika,
Let me preface this love letter by saying that I understand that stealing is wrong and don’t condone it. But I can’t help but be impressed by a man who can pull off a cheese heist of unprecedented proportions. I find cheese thievery sexy for obvious reasons.
Veniamin — or should I call you Cheese King? — you have my respect for managing to make off with 42,000 pounds of Muenster cheese from a Wisconsin distribution plant. That’s enough cheese to fill an 18-wheel truck. That’s roughly $200,000 worth of cheese, which you planned to sell on the black market. I had no idea the black cheese market was so lucrative. I had no idea there was a black cheese market. I knew about the underground chicken wing market. But not cheese.This is all blowing my mind. So much fucking cheese! Enough cheese to fulfill all my dairy cravings for the rest of my life! Enough cheese to build a cheese house and live there together like two happy mice. I know, I’m getting ahead of myself. Keep reading »
