Love is a complicated thing. The most complicated thing, even. Montagues fall in love with Capulets. Americans fall in love with Australians. And no matter how morally depraved and heinous his crimes, there always seems to be some woman who will marry a convicted murderer. Take Leydi Figueroa Uceda, a Peruvian woman who has been engaged to Joran van der Sloot, the Dutch man who allegedly killed teenager Natalee Holloway in Aruba in 2005, since last year. Not only are these two engaged, but Uceda is now five months’ pregnant with their child. Keep reading »
Pro tip: It may not be a great idea to post selfies on Facebook that show you dealing drugs … particularly if you were doing so next to sheriff’s deputies. That’s what Taylor Harrison, a 21-year-old South Florida man, allegedly did before he was arrested last week, First Coast News reports. Read more on Newser…
The small community of Solothurn, Switzerland, is having a crisis, and maybe you can help. You see, there’s a cave just outside of town, the Verena Gorge Hermitage, which for the past 600 years has been inhabited by a hermit (not a single immortal hermit, obviously, but a succession of hermits). The current hermit recently had to step down for health reasons (perhaps related to not getting enough sunlight? Just a thought) and now the town is scrambling to find a replacement to keep the hermit tradition alive. Unfortunately for introverts who are salivating at the prospect of getting paid to live in a cave and never talk to anyone, this hermit job is a decidedly social one. According to an ad the town placed in a local newspaper, “The new hermit should have a religious background, have an idealistic attitude, be willing to speak with the visitors and answer to their questions or give them advice.” But! If you can put up with advising tourists about the meaning of life, the gig does come with a free cave, a monthly salary of $1,140, and paid vacation. As far as hermit jobs go, this seems like a great one. [The Daily Beast]
When most of us get a burst blood vessel in the eye, it’s because our allergies are acting up, or God forbid, we puked too hard. And no matter why our eye looks like it’s bleeding, it tends to be gross.
This woman wins the award for the loveliest burst eye vessel in all the universe. Literally. Look closely. Her blood vessel spells out the word LOVE. Keep reading »
The workers of the world can have their International Workers’ Day, or Labor Day or whatever, but the month of May belongs to an equally fundamental dignity: masturbation. How did May become masturbation month? Find out on Huffington Post…
“I counted his legs and I thought I was seeing things. Then I called my neighbour to make sure that I am not crazy.”
Croatian farmer Zoran Paparic, describing his reaction to this 8-legged goat that was born on his farm recently. My response would have been more along the lines of, “WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCCCKKKKK?!??!!” but hey, to each his own. After examining the octo-goat, vets determined that the extra legs belonged to an underdeveloped twin that hadn’t fully separated. It is unknown whether or not the newborn will survive longer than a few days, but Amelia is rooting for it, according to this message she just sent me: “I really want the octo-goat to survive so it can master galloping around on eight legs.” [You can do it buddy!!! -- Amelia] How’s that for a visual? My stomach hurts. I’m scared. I’m signing off the internet forever. [Mirror]
Jonah Falcon received an extraordinary gift at birth, and now he wants to give back.
The 43-year-old Manhattanite is recognized for having the longest penis ever measured in a documentary, a distinction that has made him an Internet star. He has declined many opportunities in porn. But now, he has an offer he can’t refuse. Read more on Huffington Post…
I don’t know much about drug trafficking, but it seems like a no brainer that checking three suitcases packed with a total of 80 lbs. of marijuana is a great way to get caught. Maybe 26-year-old Anastasia Murdock was stoned when she came up with her grand plan to transport the weed from Oakland, California, to Jackson, Mississippi, last week. It didn’t take airport authorities long to realize Murdock’s luggage was stuffed with $100,000 worth of vacuum-sealed greenery and she was immediately arrested on suspicion of of possessing marijuana for sale and intent to sell. Ya think? She’s being held on $250,000 bail and will be arraigned tomorrow. I have two questions: 1) Can they consider a third charge for being a total dumbass? And 2) what did the police do with all that weed? [San Jose Mercury News]
In the market for a new set of wheels? Want something that will set you apart from your friends and their lame-ass Volkswagen Jettas and Honda CR-Vs? How about this 1983 Eagle bus? It comes with crushed velvet curtains, stained glass windows, some sweet airbrush artwork, and gets a cool 7 MPG highway. Need more convincing? What if I told you this bus was built for Willie Fuckin’ Nelson andused as his tour bus in the ’80s? Yep, now you’re listening, huh? This rolling rock ‘n roll relic is currently listed on East Texas’ Craigslist page, and it’s going to the highest bidder this weekend. The offers are topped out at $65,000 right now. Just $65,001 will make it yours. Don’t let this deal pass you by. [Village Voice]