“Punk’d,” panda edition: Ai Hin, a female bear living at the Chengdu panda preserve in China, had animal researchers thinking she was pregnant. She couldn’t pee on a stick or anything, but Ai Hin had shown a surge of hormones and had been laying about even more than usual for a panda. A pregnancy is joyous news, of course, as there are less than 2,000 pandas in the world and the bears are notoriously difficult to breed. But now researchers say a wily Ai Hin may have been faking her pregnancy for special treatment. Pregnant pandas move on to air conditioned private rooms and are given extra bamboo and fruit — and Ai Hin milked it. “Some clever pandas have used this to their advantage to improve their quality of life,” a researcher told Xinhua news agency. In response, a live broadcast of the panda childbirth has been canceled. Maybe Ai Hin just had cold feet, er, ovaries? In any case we have to be real here: pandas, 1; humans, 0. [Daily Mail UK; The Journal IE]
Lots of men tell stupid lies to their girlfriends, but not all of them end up involving the police. A British man was fined after he called texted his girlfriend saying he’d been kidnapped over a debt equivalent to $82. He said he told the lie so he could continue to stay out partying. The issue is that his girlfriend took the claim seriously and called police.
Police were not pleased when they learned the kidnapping was a hoax, with a spokesman calling it “one of the most foolish and irresponsible incidents” ever encountered by the department. Read more on Huffington Post Weird News…
Today in terrifying parenting: on an upcoming episode of “Untold Stories of the ER,” we hear the tale of a Florida pageant mom who fed her teenage daughter tapeworm eggs to help her lose weight for an upcoming competition. When the girl arrived at the hospital with a bloated stomach and severe pain, the nurses first thought she might be pregnant. An ultrasound didn’t show a baby, but it did show a bizarre growth in her intestines, and a trip to the bathroom revealed a toilet bowl full of wriggly tapeworms. Nurse Maricar Cabral-Osorio told UPI, “some of the worms were very long and wiggling around trying to get out of the toilet bowl.” Gag! The girl’s mother turned white as a sheet. According to Cabral-Osorio, ”The mom was apologizing to the girl. It’s like ‘I’m so sorry. You know, I did it just to make you a little skinnier. You needed some help before we went on to the pageant.” The mom bought a pill of tapeworm eggs in Mexico and forced her to ingest it. The show’s over-the-top reenactment of the scene is actually pretty funny, but I can only hope that in real life the mother faced some kind of legal punishment for endangering her daughter. This is all kinds of screwed up and her parenting doesn’t sound safe for any kid. Excuse me while I vom. [Gawker, UPI] [Image via Shutterstock]
Passing gas is a natural, normal and completely uncontrollable bodily function. So how is it that so many people are arrested in fart-related incidents? Think I’m talking out of my ass? Hardly! Better open a window — here are 10 times the police were called in because someone had the nerve to break wind…
Almost 400 people bought coffee for the customer behind them at a drive-through Starbucks in St. Petersburg, Florida, on Wednesday. That morning, after paying for her own drink, a woman asked to pay for the drink of the customer in the car next in line behind her. That person paid it forward by paying for the person behind them, and the chain of kindness continued until baristas tallied 378 people paying for strangers’ drinks. When each driver arrived at the drive-through window to pay for their orders, barista Vu Nguyen would let them know that the driver in front of them had paid for their drink and asked if they’d like to return the favor. Keep reading »
Well, this stinks. Jessica Annette Cerney was minding her own business, laying on the couch at home in Myrtle Beach, when Darrell Ray McKnight — presumably a friend or acquaintance of Cerney’s who, according to the police report, “routinely” sleeps on the front porch — wandered inside and “passed gas” in Cerney’s face. Cerney bolted outside (that bad?) and McKnight followed her. The pair got into a tussle, with McKnight approaching Cerney in a “threatening manner,” and Cerney punched McKnight in the face three times. Police were called, McKnight was sent to the hospital to be treated for a swollen eye, and both he and Cerney face charges for disorderly conduct.
See, this is why you have to be mindful about where and when you fart, because you could get hurt. My grandmother — RIP Colleen Parry! — was always very cautious, and would back her butt into the corner of a room to “toot.” If only everyone was as respectful. [Death and Taxes]