If social media is becoming too boring of an outlet for your selfies, consider the untapped market that is personalized toast. For a mere $75, the “toast engineers” at a novelty toaster company in Vermont will splice your high-resolution photo into a toaster, forever to be printed on Wonderbread slices of your choice. After all, “you don’t have to be famous or Jesus to have your face on toast!” (Yes, that is an actual thing their website says.)
Is there any greater gift than this in today’s age of widespread narcissism? The company’s goal is to make personalized toast more accessible to us commonfolk, because celebrities shouldn’t be the only ones who get to “create fun breakfast memories” of eating their own faces. Well, I guess toast equality one way to stick it to the one percent. Keep reading »
I don’t know why Angela Green of Cleveland, Ohio, was arrested, nor do I care. All I know is that when it came time to pose for her mugshot, she brought her A+ duckface game. MySpace tweens, takes notes. [CrimeFeed] [Photo: Splash News]
Annabelle Earl, a four-year-old Brooklyn girl, had a dream of being a flower girl but no wedding to attend. With a long dress, bouquet, and a poster that read ”Can I be your flower girl?” she took to Brooklyn City Hall to find herself a willing couple.
It sounds like a Hallmark moment, until we learn that the only reason this scenario went down is to appease the fact that her original wish for a unicorn couldn’t come true. Yes, we are actually seriously considering little girls’ requests for unicorns now. Earlier this spring, Annabelle’s mother Kim took her to Washington, D.C. They visited Yoko Ono’s “Wishing Tree” in a Smithsonian garden, and Annabelle whispered her greatest dream to the tree. Keep reading »
No girlfriend? No problem. You can do what one lonely man did and construct a girlfriend in the shower with just a mask, newspaper, some tape and your regular run-of-the-mill handheld shower head. That’s totally normal, right? NO IT’S NOT.
Imgur user tyblazitar has officially planted the seed for all of my nightmares forevermore by sharing with us a step-by-step photo tutorial on how to create a “beautiful girl” out of your shower head, just like his fellow Imgur user ARuFa. Warning: Prepare to maybe poop your pants, because the final result is terrifying.
Check out the photo instruction guide here and get a glimpse of this scary shower girlfriend in action after the jump… Keep reading »
Remember that couple caught doing the nasty behind a dumpster outside a Delaware Dunkin’ Donuts? Well, there must be something in the air in that neighborhood, because yet another couple has been spotted boning on the rooftop of a Chipotle two blocks away. And people say Paris is the most romantic city in the world! Keep reading »
Getting married at McDonald’s would have been my wildest dream around age five. Apparently some couples in Hong Kong never let go of that dream and are actually getting married with Ronald McDonald as a witness.
The wedding program at Hong Kong McDonald’s locations has become so popular that the website has a special page for nuptial planning, complete with golden arches shaped into a heart. It reads, “Thinking about throwing a really special party for your wedding, engagement, anniversary or bridal shower? Think McDonald’s.” Keep reading »
From what I understand, one of the things that many yoga practitioners like about the practice is that it can be done by anyone at anytime. But I think we can all agree that one yogi took that a little too literally when she decided to strip down to her skivvies and started doing yoga poses on a Ocala, Florida (duh), roadway. Michele Cernak, 51, was charged with multiple drug counts after police responded to 911 calls alerting them to a nearly nude woman doing downward dog in the middle of the street. When the cops arrived, they found heroin, a syringes, hydrocodone pills and a crack pipe in Cernak’s still-running car nearby, and she admitted that she had injected herself with heroin. While Cernak looks blissed out in her mugshot, you know what I imagine is not good for your qi, no matter how much naked outdoor yoga you do? Opiates. [NY Daily News]
UPDATE, 7/13, 5p.m.: THANK GOD, this was only a hoax! [New York Post]
Brooklyn is on the hunt for Penelope, a pregnant Mexican Red Rump tarantula, who is apparently someone’s beloved pet. She escaped from her owner’s home, and flyers have turned up in the neighborhood with this plea for help:
I know she looks crazy scary, but she’s mostly harmless. She’s pregnant, so I’m hoping to find her before she has her babies. She’s mostly active at night and likes to hide in dark corners. She shouldn’t bite, but sometimes jumps when frightened. If you find her, please try to catch her and put her in a tupperware bowl with a few holes in the top for air. Then please call me and I will come get her.
I have so many questions. How many babies do tarantulas have? Where did Penelope find another tarantula to knock her up? What if her babies disperse themselves all over the city and creep into apartments through air vents en masse and viciously attack Brooklynites in our sleep?! If you live in New York and see a terrifying tiny beast chilling on the sidewalk, you know who to call. [Gothamist] [Image via Imgur]
This is the Saddest Kitten Ever, who has yet to be given an official stage name but will surely be the interwebs’ next favorite feline. Grumpy Cat may look cranky, but this kitty looks downright sad. Her human, Ashley Herring, assures us that Saddest Kitten Ever has a wonderful life of kitty bliss, but that doesn’t seem to change her permanently pouty expression. Overnight stardom has fallen into the sad kitten’s lap, with over 370,000 views of her picture on Imgur in just three days. Are those dollar signs I see in those big blue sad eyes? It’s only a matter of time before the interviews with Anderson Cooper and customized t-shirts with this kitty’s face on them turn up. Herring is asking fans for stage name ideas, and names like Bojangles, Nugget, Meowancholia, and Happy have been suggested so far. Meh, I think we can come up with something cuter than that. Watch out celebrity cats, you have some competition! [Refinery 29; Daily Mail UK]
The Mineko Club, a volunteer group in Hitachi City, Japan, is selling jeans personally shredded by animals to raise money for wildlife conservation. Lions, tigers and bears at the Kamine Zoo were given toys covered in the denim to tear into, creating a “worn-in” look. The denim was then sewn to create the pants, Zoo Jeans, which are being auctioned online through Monday. The tiger-designed pair’s current price is well into the thousands, which proves this bizarre fundraising idea was brilliant. As a person who gets beyond annoyed when I see “distressed” jeans going for triple the price because some factory machine or employee ripped them up for show, it’s awesome to see a pair of pants that were torn up in a more, well, authentic way. [Uproxx, Australia Network News]