After being the victim of one too many pranks by a mail customer, the Royal Mail service (allegedly!) sent one postal customer a letter, asking him to lay off with the post-related comedy. So far as we can tell, the letter receiver, known as S. Whitman, raised the ire of the Royal Mail for “jumping out from behind a giant bush shouting ‘beware the giant bees’, repeatedly answering the door naked, and … claiming you’d been attacked by ‘crack-added Oompah Loompahs.”
As a result of the series of jokes, the letter continues, “a number of our postal staff are now nervous about delivering to your address. As such, we would kindly ask you to desist from you ‘surprises.’” A larger image of the letter is after the jump. Keep reading »
A new statute in Swaziland, a country where albino children are sacrificed for use in magic potions, forbids witches from flying their broomsticks higher than 500 feet in the air.
“A witch on a broomstick should not fly above the [500 foot] limit,” said the director of the Civil Aviation Authority. No word on what the punishment is for for witches flying below 500 feet. But it’s an interesting restriction considering the fact that Swazi brooms are short bundles sticks without handles that witches typically use to fling potions around, not as their primary from of transportation.
The new law, which also forbids remote-controlled toy planes or kites from flying above 500 feet, was implemented after a private investigator was arrested for flying a toy helicopter he was using to do surveillance too high.
Well, I guess I won’t be visiting Swaziland anytime soon because I only travel by broomstick. Bummer. [Times Live]
[Photo from Shutterstock]
If your parents have ever hassled you about a no-good, worthless jerk you’ve been dating, it’s time send Mom and Dad an email saying, “At least I wasn’t dating this guy!” This guy is Billy Gibby, who changed his name to Hostgator Dotcom when he sold his name the the web hosting company Hostgator.com. That’s not the only thing Dotcom’s made a quick buck off of: he earned $50,000 a decade ago getting his entire face tattooed with URLs for porn sites and online casinos. He’s a walking billboard for sleaze! But after learning that Dotcom might want to remove some of those face tats, one of the porn sites, Cam4.com, has offered to pay for the cost of laser tattoo removal. ”They advertised on my face a long time ago … and decided they wanted to help me,” Dotcom told VICE magazine. “They’re just doing it to be nice.” Nice indeed. Just think of all the respectable jobs he could get with one less porn site URL tattooed on his face.
[Daily Dot] [Image via Facebook.com/HostgatorDotcom]
We all wish we could sing like the late Whitney Houston. Most of us are keyed into reality enough to know that will never happen and that time we sang “The Greatest Love of All” at our 3rd grade talent show would be the last time we’d ever be brave enough to sing a Whitney Song in public. We understand that we have to settle for a life time of singing “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” in the shower, where the acoustics are most forgiving. But there are others of us who are still gutsy enough to attempt a Whitney song in public.
One such brave soul was on a recent American Airlines flight from Los Angeles to New York. In fact, she sang so many Whitney songs that the plane was forced to make an emergency landing in Kansas City when she refused to stop singing.”The woman was being disruptive and was removed from the plane for interfering with the flight crew. There was a federal air marshal on the aircraft, who subdued the woman and put her in cuffs and removed her from the plane,” said a Kansas City International Airport spokesman. Keep reading »
On April 28, David Beckmann, 64, of Roselle, Illinois was booked on a host of horrifying charges, including battery and attempted indecent solicitation of a child. But his most bizarre crime? Sexually assaulting a peacock. Before we get into the particulars, can I just start out by saying what everyone is probably thinking: how in the fuck do you sexually abuse a peacock? The bird, named Phyl, was seen alive by neighbors the night before its body was discovered while police were investigating another crime. The exact nature of the sexual abuse has not been revealed by police, as it also allegedly involved the indecent solicitation of a child estimated to be between the ages of 13 and 17. In any case, we now have something new to have nightmares about. [Daily Herald]
Just in case you were still not convinced that hippos deserve a place on our list of animals that are total assholes, does Paul Templer have a story for you. Templer was working as a tour guide on Africa’s Zambezi River when his group of kayaks came across a two-ton bull hippo who wasn’t exactly thrilled to see them. The hippo overturned one of the canoes and as Templer paddled over to help his comrades, the hippo lunged and swallowed him:
“I was aware that my legs were surrounded by water, but my top half was almost dry. I seemed to be trapped in something slimy. There was a terrible, sulphurous smell, like rotten eggs, and a tremendous pressure against my chest. My arms were trapped but I managed to free one hand and felt around – my palm passed through the wiry bristles of the hippo’s snout. It was only then that I realized I was underwater, trapped up to my waist in his mouth.” Keep reading »
According to 105-year-old Texas grandmother Pearl Cantrell, the thing we should all be doing to stay alive forever is eating bacon. That’s what’s kept Pearl going strong. She loves bacon so much that she eats it every day. Because of her dedication to cured meat, the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile showed up on Pearl’s doorstep with a crap ton of bacon and a ticket to ride. I don’t know what more there is for a bacon enthusiast to experience in life once they’ve taken a ride in the Weinermobile.
Sadly, I suspect that bacon may not be as beneficial to the rest of us as it has been for Pearl. Rumor is that it clogs your arteries and stuff. [Huffington Post]
Really now, what would you do with yourself if I wasn’t around to tell you about the goings on in my favorite state, Florida? You’d be lost, I know. Yesterday, I told you about a woman who cut her boyfriend for cutting the cheese. Today, the big Florida news involves exotic meat tacos.
At Tampa’s Taco Fusion restaurant, you can enjoy a beaver, camel, otter or even lion taco for $35 a piece — the price of 11 regular tacos.
I’m sure you’re wondering what the issue is. That you spend an entire paycheck trying to get full? Yes, that’s a problem. But an even bigger problem is that lions are being reviewed for the endangered species list, which has some customers concerned that it’s unethical and possibly illegal to serve the lion tacos. Keep reading »
Forget that cotton scent. Thanks to Le Slip Francais, men will soon have the option of wearing scented underwear that smells of musk and pears, France’s The Local reports.
The French undergarment company has raised more than 19,000 euros (about $25,000) on a crowdfunding site to launch its “Indomitable” brand, which promises afresh scent for up to 30 washes.
While wearers will still have to throw the underwear in the rinse cycle regularly — unlike the Wool & Prince shirt that can remain odor-free for up to 100 days without washing — the company promises that the microcapsules will spread the scent evenly throughout the underwear with each wash. Read more on Huffington Post Weird News…