Dear Kenichi Ito (aka Monkey Man),
I really admire how you’ve been perfecting different movement styles based on the Patas monkey of Africa. For the record, I don’t think you look like a monkey. I’m sorry that you were teased as a child. I was too. It sucks. But I respect how you turned your pain into a positive by learning to adopt animal traits. I did that as well! You can ask my family about The Bird With The Broken Wing and The Disinterested Flamingo if you get to meet them. I can’t run as fast as you on all fours, I’ve never gone into the mountains for an animal training retreat, and thank God, I have never been mistaken for a wild boar and shot at, but I can anthropomorphize an animal like nobody’s business. I think we would get along really well. Maybe we could get together and you can teach me how to gallop on all fours.
A bra gun holster probably makes more sense to ardent NRA fans and gun-owners. Right? I hope so, because as much as I believe in a lady’s right to own a gun, carrying it between her ta-tas sounds like a terrible idea. The $40 Flashbang Bra Gun Holster is a Kydex pouch, molded to fit the special model of gun, and it attaches to the piece of bra fabric between your two cups. The gun doesn’t hide in your boobs; it actually hangs free under them. Pistol-packing lasses can whip the gun free by merely yanking it — after reaching down the front of their shirt first, of course. I’d be way too afraid I’d shoot myself in the boob, or worse, to pack heat in my bazoombas. I wonder what the NRA’s stance is on reconstructive breast surgery for dopey accidents. [Wired]
Actress Raquel Bailey really wants a part in Tyler Perry’s next flick. She spent her “last money” ($1,500) for this billboard, which is conveniently located right near Perry’s Atlanta studio. Well, that’s one way to land an acting gig. Certainly not the conventional way. When I was an actress, I used to have to go on a buttload of auditions, just like all the other hopefuls. I guess we’ll have to wait and see if Bailey’s casting strategy works. Maybe Perry will see the ad and call her in for a reading. And if she lands a part, she won’t have to pay a cut to an agent. Click through to see some of the most outrageous billboards of all time.[Clutch Magazine]
There are beautiful smells like vanilla, lavender, jasmine, and rose, and then there is the most beautiful smell of all: the scent of a freshly purchased MacBook Pro. Now, thanks to a collaboration between a group of artists and the scent scientists at Air Aroma, that intoxicating Apple product smell has been recreated and bottled as a perfume. Here’s the description from Air Aroma’s blog: “The scent encompasses the smell of the plastic wrap covering the box, printed ink on the cardboard, the smell of paper and plastic components within the box and of course the aluminum laptop.” The perfume will be showcased as part of an art exhibit in Melbourne, Australia, but if it ever becomes available for purchase, I’m sure there would be a line around the block to buy it. Plus, they could come out with a slightly different scent every year that rendered the previous scent irrelevant. Genius! [Gothamist]
This hilarious note was photographed by my brother in the basement of his apartment building. It seems they’ve been having a raccoon problem there, and the management’s solution is to simply gently knock and acquiesce the use of the washers and dryers over to the raccoons. Please, step away calmly.
Exposing marital infidelity can be a costly and time consuming endeavor. Sure, there is a plethora of high-tech methods out there, but did you know you can now go CSI-style on your significant other’s soiled undergarments to expose an extramarital affair?
A national DNA testing company, The Paternity Lab Center, is providing the relatively sophisticated technique for suspicious mates who are seeking definitive answers. Read more…