When I was a kid, I wanted to be a veterinarian. And then a firefighter. Then a marine biologist. Then a screenwriter. But according to a study of 3,000 kids in the U.K., today’s pre-teens have very, very different goals: Twelve percent want to be sports stars; eleven percent want to be pop stars; and 11 percent want to be famous actors. That means that more than a third of kids today want to live the lifestyle of the rich and famous. And while there’s sure to still be a lot of reality TV slots available when they come of age, what’s gonna happen when this fame thing doesn’t pan out for 99 percent of them—are we going to have an entire generation in therapy because the paparazzi isn’t stalking their every move? After the jump, see how today’s kids’ career goals stack up against those of 25 years ago. And chime in on whether you think we’re going to hell in a handbasket or not.
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Here’s an invention that’s right up there with sliced bread: the gas mask bra. In the case of, say, an anthrax scare or a swine flu epidemic, the wearer of this lucky brassiere can simply slip it off, undo a few hooks and—ta da!—it’s a gas mask for her and a lucky friend. This genius invention has won an Ig Nobel Prize, a send-up of the real Nobel Prize given to scientists conducting “improbable research.” Inventors Elena Bodnar, Raphael Lee, and Sandra Marijan received their award last night during a ceremony at Harvard University. Though, we’re a little suspicious that this is just a gimmick to get women to take off their bras. [The Register] Keep reading »
I’ve had a couple messy breakups, but mostly they involve me being “crazy” and him being “incompetent.” Or maybe me breaking into his house and introducing the contents of my stomach to the inside of his boot? Whatever. A Houston woman brought on the crazy this week when she fried and ate her common-law husband’s goldfish! There were seven beloved goldfish which the couple bought together back when they weren’t so dysfunctional, but the couple had just had a fight about some jewelry her man bought her and took back. When the officers arrived at their apartment, she was at the dinner table with four fried fishies on her plate. (She told the po-po that she’d already eaten the other three!) No charges were filed as the case was considered a “civil matter.”
Um, there’s nothing civil about eating house pets! For her sake, I hope they were battered and deep fried because I just spent the last half hour thinking about goldfish texture and gagging (where’s that other boot?), but maybe with some tarter sauce and fries they’d be edible? What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done as a lover scorned? [AOL] Keep reading »
When my jeans start feeling tight I usually blame the dryer. And while I don’t believe the dryer is entirely to blame, at least I can comfort myself with the fact that I am not alone. According to a study by Weight Watchers, 72 percent of women own clothes that no longer fit them. In fact, the average gal has over $400 worth of threads in her closet that she’s just, well, too big for. Keep reading »
Our friends over at Lemondrop hipped us to a new study that says many parents lie to get their children to behave. For instance, parents tell their kids the police will arrest them for crying too much or that if they sit too close to the TV they’ll go blind. When I was younger, my mom didn’t have to make up stories to get me to behave — she just raised her eyebrow. The first raise was a warning, and the second meant I was in big trouble. But she did come up with one big whopper to explain where I came from. She told me she purchased me from the “baby store” and I had a twin sister, but she didn’t have enough available credit on her AmEx to buy both of us. Of course, I didn’t really believe this story at first, but when I met Arianna Harris, who had the same birthday as me, at day camp, I became a little suspicious. Good thing Arianna looked exactly like her parents.
What lies have your parent(s) told you? And what lies do you tell your children? Keep reading »
Nothing says love like a Blue Light Special, right? That’s why we’re happy to announce that Wal-Mart has hosted its very first wedding, at the store in York, Nebraska. The lucky shoppers were Crystal Newsome and Robert Vickrey. They decided to exchange their vows in the lawn and garden department, among oodles of potted plants. Why would they pick this as the location of their wedding? “We had our first kiss at Wal-Mart,” explains Crystal. Both Robert and Crystal are Wal-Mart employees: Robert’s worked there for more than a decade and currently manages the grocery department, while Crystal has been the deli manager for five years. The two started dating two years ago. “We both work here, we met here, it all started here, why not?” said Robert.
Rather than send out invitations to their co-workers, Robert and Crystal simply placed an invite by the time clock. And hey, this had to be convenient for any friends and family members who waited until the last minute to buy a gift. During the ceremony, Robert said, “I love everything about Crystal. She is an absolutely wonderful woman. She makes me smile. She’s put the joy of life back in me.” Aww, that is almost cute enough to suppress my snarky comment about how the groom wore black jeans. [Omaha.com] Keep reading »
Thirty-five-year old Connecticut woman Janet Lee, aka “the foremost psychic in New England,” called the police in July to report that she was attacked outside her Greenwich office. So who dunnit? Lee claimed it was a gang of rival psychics. What, is there like a psychic mafia? I wonder what the motive could possibly be: “She sees more dead people than we do … let’s beat her up!” The gang of psychics allegedly left threatening messages on her phone before they came to “get” Lee. Only one thing stood in the way of their capture — Lee didn’t quite seem to know their names. Wait … I thought she was psychic? Is this story sounding a wee bit far-fetched to anyone else? After a thorough investigation, police have deemed it crazytown and are now charging Lee for falsely reporting a crime. Police think she may have been beaten up by someone she knows. Or better yet … maybe it was a ghost? [AOL] Keep reading »
The Wisconsin Tourism Federation has recently made a very big decision. Rather than stick with the acronym “WTF” and continue to be made fun of by sites like Boing Boing and Language Log, they’ve done a little switcheroo. They are now the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin, or “TFW.” Here are some other organizations with laughable acronyms that might want to consider doing the same.
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For those fascinated with stripper-on-stripper violence, have we got a story for you. Well, technically, it’s stripper-on-cocktail waitress violence. Anyway, at Cabaret North, a topless club in Fort Worth, Texas, exotic dancer Kathleen Bennett got in an argument with waitress Jennifer McReynolds. As they exchanged words, a manager fired Bennett. A few minutes later, Bennett was caught on tape tasering McReynolds. McReynolds apparently followed her as she fled the club, so Bennett tasered her again. Police are still looking for Bennett. Note to self: the next time I feel the urge to fight a woman with weapon-length nails—just let her win. A taser to the face evidently causes a black eye. [DListed
] Keep reading »
In the past week, six banks in New England were robbed. A woman in a hoodie would stroll up to a teller and either pass them a note or tell them that she had a bomb. Sometimes she’d ask for a large amount of money, sometimes just $1000. In none of the robberies did she actually produce a bomb. Yesterday, Connecticut police finally caught up to this robber, 34-year-old Heather Brown. Brown is pretty unique because only 6.2 percent of bank robbers in the U.S. are women. Though that number has swelled from 4.9 percent in 2002. So, is she doing this as a feminist act? Because of Brown’s gender and the small sums of money she generally took, people are pretty fascinated by her. One internet rumor has it that Brown was giving away the money she stole to the poor. If she’s a modern Robin Hood, I think I smell a little bit of a girl crush coming on. Well, maybe not in that hoodie. [CNN] Keep reading »