Oh, Desmond Hatchett, I thought what we had was special, but alas, so did 11 other women. The results of your smooth moves and shocking virility? You’ve fathered 30 children over the past 14 years, and now you’re in court requesting a break from child support payments. I guess I can’t really blame you, because even though some of your kids only receive $1.49 a month, when you’re making minimum wage, that’s gotta add up fast. But remember back in 2009, when you told an interviewer you were done having kids, and then you had nine more? What happened there? Is there a massive condom shortage in Knoxville, Tennessee? Were you trying to break the county record (which you did, by the way)? I have to admit that I’m kind of impressed. There is a good chance you’re a modern day god of fertility mingling with mortals for fun. But still, we’re breaking up. [LA Times]
Dear Dude Who Was Kicked Out Of Manhattan’s Blue Ruin Bar For Eating A Salad In The Bathroom,
Where have you been all my life? Finally, someone who understands the simple pleasure of eating leafy greens in the serenity of a lavatory. I love to take my salad breaks in the bathtub. Like the bartender who kicked you out of the men’s room before you had a chance to finish your salad (what was in it, by the way?), friends and acquaintances have expressed disbelief, even repulsion, that I would want to eat my veggies whilst lounging in the tub. But fuck them, soulmate of mine. Come on over to my house — I have a toilet seat with your name on it. I’ll draw a hot bath — perhaps I won’t even make you avert your eyes — and we can clink forks before drowning out the haters with the loud crunch of romaine hearts and cucumber slices. I’m getting hot just thinking about it. All I ask is that you bring the dressing. I prefer balsamic vinegar-based.
See you soon, I hope,
“I was at the White House with my family and we were getting a tour. Barack and Michelle and Sasha and Malia and me and Jada and the kids, we’re walking through the White House. The night before, Jaden had said to me, ‘Dad, I gotta ask the president about the aliens.’ And I said, ‘Dude, no. No, it’s not cool. It’s not cool, it’s embarrassing.’ I was, like, ‘Jaden, DO NOT ask the president.’”
Will Smith is completely endearing on BBC Radio 1 describing a visit to the White House with his family. Which I guess is a perk of being a movie star?
But do adolescent boys mind their fathers when it comes to the important matter of the existence of extraterrestrial life? No, they do not. Find out what happened, after the jump. Keep reading »
A Texas woman repeatedly stabbed her fiancé after receiving only a card and flowers from Walmart for Mother’s Day, investigators say.
Paige Parkerson, 20, is charged with first-degree felony murder in the death of Clifton “JR” Barkin, the 22-year-old father of her two children, according to the Daily Mail. Read more…
A Florida woman is reporting that she spotted Jesus on an episode of the “The Bachelor.” It wasn’t even the new season though, it was Brad Womack’s season, so I’m suspicious. What channel was airing that this week? And how convenient that this news be released during the week of the premiere of Emily Maynard’s run as “The Bachelorette.” I wonder if Brad is behind all this. Conspiracy!
Anyhow, Guerda Maurice of Port St. Lucie claims that she was watching an episode of “The Bachelor” and spotted a tent in the background that she wanted to put in her backyard, so she took a picture of the screen with her cell phone. That’s when things got divine. “My phone was vibrating and so warm, and very warm and hot like a burning smell,” said Maurice. “I flipped the phone and I see Jesus’ picture and I said, ‘Oh my God, where did this picture come from?’” And here is said picture of Bachelor Tent Jesus. Thoughts? My only thought is that if Jesus did choose to appear on Earth, I suspect he wouldn’t want to be associated with “The Bachelor” franchise. Unless he was attempting to present the world with a rose.
Any true believer will tell you that Jesus’ image can appear almost anywhere if you look hard enough. Keep on clicking to see some more of the craziest places Christ has popped up. [Mediaite]
That Chanel logo on your powder compact is great, but wouldn’t it be even better on your face? No need to worry–soon you’ll be able to buy Chanel logo stickers as part of the brand’s upcoming Collection Versailles. Chanel’s makeup director Peter Philips says the black velvet stickers are supposed to resemble Marie Antoinette’s famous “beauty spots;” we think they resemble, well, little Chanel logo stickers. So, what do you think of this idea? Will you be sporting Chanel face stickers any time soon? [Elle]