Dear Devil Impersonator,
They have not revealed your identity, but aren’t you quite the little shit starter. I wonder what gave you the idea to put on a devil costume and try to crash a confirmation service at a church in northern Africa. Granted, you were arrested before you made it into the church and charged with disturbing the peace, but your idea was creative, albeit offensive. I like to give my potential suitors the benefit of the doubt. So, I am choosing to believe that you are just a man in need a more appropriate outlet for your creative rebellion. I have a proposal for you, Devil Boy: Come to our country, dress up as a vagina and rattle those Michigan House Republicans who think speaking the word on the floor is as offensive as entering a church dressed as the devil.
I look forward to hearing back from you.
Everybody’s talking about the “Zombie Apocalypse,” and even those in fine dining are having a laugh with it.
Take Maynard James Keenan for example. To the public eye, he’s the frontman for the rock bands Tool and A Perfect Circle. In his off time, he’s a winery owner — and today he answers the age-old undead question: What wine goes best with human flesh?
He recently offered wine recommendations to would-be zombies who want to wash their down their brains with something besides blood, at the behest of the Miami News Times. Read more …
I just ate sushi for lunch and I had octopus ceviche last night for dinner. I eat so much seafood. I think I am going to pass out right now. Full panic onset. I just read about this case from the Journal of Parasitology where a Korean woman’s mouth was inseminated by a cooked squid. I say cooked meaning it was dead. So back to the story. The 63-year-old experienced pain in her mouth after eating a boiled squid’s internal organs. She had a “pricking and foreign-body sensation” in her mouth. When she went to the hospital, doctors removed a bunch of “small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gingiva.” Translation: Squid sperm.
There are three things I’m going to do and in this order: 1) Brush my teeth for peace of mind, 2) Eliminate calamari from my diet forever,
3) Go watch the video of “Baby Without a Face.” That’s the only thing I can think of that scares me more than the thought of my dinner trying to impregnate my mouth. [i09]
[Writer's note: I believe this came out differently than intended. I was trying to use an example of something that upset me. On second thought it's distasteful. My apologies.]
She was lubed up, then locked up.
A Florida woman was fine with bringing olive oil, and even PAM cooking spray, into the bedroom. But when her boyfriend brought up his former fling named Pam, she wasn’t having it.
When Barbara Hall, 60, asked her 45-year-old boyfriend to go to the kitchen for some “sexual lubricant,” he obliged, according to police reports obtained by TC Palm.
Then things got slippery.
“Barbara asked if he had also brought the PAM cooking spray,” the report states. “Barbara believed [the victim] misunderstood what she had said, and commented on a girl named Pam. … [He] admitted to having sex with Pam recently on her boat.” Read more …
How often do you stand in front of a vending machine, examining the selection of chips, crackers, and candy bars, and think, “I wish this thing would make me a fresh pizza”? Every day? Me too. Turns out the pizza gods have heard our prayers, because an innovative pizza vending machine called “Let’s Pizza” is finally making its way to the States. The Let’s Pizza has been popular in Europe for years (for obvious reasons), but here’s what Americans can expect: once you choose your toppings and pay $5.95, the machine mixes the dough from scratch, kneads it, flattens it into a 10.5-inch round, and adds the toppings. An infra-red oven heats your creation to 380 degrees, and about a minute later, out pops a steaming hot, fresh(ish) pizza to enjoy at any of the malls, supermarkets, and gas stations where a Let’s Pizza machine will soon be found. Bon appetit, America! [Huffington Post]
By most accounts, burping is considered a sign of bad etiquette, but to a small group of people, it’s an actual athletic endeavor.
They are the stout-hearted and full-tummied members of the World Burping Federation, an organization that aims, according to its website, to promote “belching best practices” while “also seeking to remove the stigma that has become associated with belching in recent centuries.”
To that end, five founding members recently met in New York to participate in what was billed as the first annual World Burping Championship, with burper Tim Janus coming out on top with an 18.1-second burp. Read more …