I just ate sushi for lunch and I had octopus ceviche last night for dinner. I eat so much seafood. I think I am going to pass out right now. Full panic onset. I just read about this case from the Journal of Parasitology where a Korean woman’s mouth was inseminated by a cooked squid. I say cooked meaning it was dead. So back to the story. The 63-year-old experienced pain in her mouth after eating a boiled squid’s internal organs. She had a “pricking and foreign-body sensation” in her mouth. When she went to the hospital, doctors removed a bunch of “small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms stuck in the mucous membrane of the tongue, cheek, and gingiva.” Translation: Squid sperm.
There are three things I’m going to do and in this order: 1) Brush my teeth for peace of mind, 2) Eliminate calamari from my diet forever,
3) Go watch the video of “Baby Without a Face.” That’s the only thing I can think of that scares me more than the thought of my dinner trying to impregnate my mouth. [i09]
[Writer's note: I believe this came out differently than intended. I was trying to use an example of something that upset me. On second thought it's distasteful. My apologies.]
She was lubed up, then locked up.
A Florida woman was fine with bringing olive oil, and even PAM cooking spray, into the bedroom. But when her boyfriend brought up his former fling named Pam, she wasn’t having it.
When Barbara Hall, 60, asked her 45-year-old boyfriend to go to the kitchen for some “sexual lubricant,” he obliged, according to police reports obtained by TC Palm.
Then things got slippery.
“Barbara asked if he had also brought the PAM cooking spray,” the report states. “Barbara believed [the victim] misunderstood what she had said, and commented on a girl named Pam. … [He] admitted to having sex with Pam recently on her boat.” Read more …
How often do you stand in front of a vending machine, examining the selection of chips, crackers, and candy bars, and think, “I wish this thing would make me a fresh pizza”? Every day? Me too. Turns out the pizza gods have heard our prayers, because an innovative pizza vending machine called “Let’s Pizza” is finally making its way to the States. The Let’s Pizza has been popular in Europe for years (for obvious reasons), but here’s what Americans can expect: once you choose your toppings and pay $5.95, the machine mixes the dough from scratch, kneads it, flattens it into a 10.5-inch round, and adds the toppings. An infra-red oven heats your creation to 380 degrees, and about a minute later, out pops a steaming hot, fresh(ish) pizza to enjoy at any of the malls, supermarkets, and gas stations where a Let’s Pizza machine will soon be found. Bon appetit, America! [Huffington Post]
By most accounts, burping is considered a sign of bad etiquette, but to a small group of people, it’s an actual athletic endeavor.
They are the stout-hearted and full-tummied members of the World Burping Federation, an organization that aims, according to its website, to promote “belching best practices” while “also seeking to remove the stigma that has become associated with belching in recent centuries.”
To that end, five founding members recently met in New York to participate in what was billed as the first annual World Burping Championship, with burper Tim Janus coming out on top with an 18.1-second burp. Read more …
Colorado man, Kenneth Dejoie, got more than a roast beef sandwich when he visited his local Arby’s two years ago. Dejoie claims that he was “utilizing the urinal in the men’s restroom when it caused a jet of steam to shoot forth from the urinal and burn his genitals.” When he reported the incident to one of the employees he responded with “This happens when the sink in the kitchen is running.” That answer didn’t satisfy the man with the scalded sausage, so he decided to sue the fast food chain. He is seeking damages for financial losses, for not being able to have sex with his wife and for their all-around crappy food. I just added that last part. Something about the color of their roast beef has never seemed right to me. Now I understand why: They cook it in the urinal. We hope Dejoie and his penis get the compensation they deserve. Keep on clicking to hear about more really insane penis accidents. [CBS Denver]
Dear Unidentified Man Who Stole 400,000 Toothpicks,
Let me start by saying that I do not condone theft. But I will say, your crime intrigues me. I am imagining the circumstances under which someone would break into a toothpick factory and steal $3,000 worth of product — that’s nearly half a million toothpicks! — and sell them at flea market. I can’t imagine it would be for the money. Even if you got top dollar for your bounty, it wouldn’t get you far. In my mind, you’re just a dreamer, a man who longs for a world where no one has food stuck in his teeth. It’s so hard to look at and so embarrassing when it happens to you. Mortifying! I get it. Dental hygiene is very important to me too. I am one of those weird people who looks forward to going to the dentist. In fact, I have a cleaning next week. Yay! Keep reading »