This guy! This guy! Okay, so he doesn’t look much like Bryan Cranston, but I don’t know — when you’re a meth dealer named Walter White, maybe it’s just about living out your destiny. White was busted for meth manufacturing in Alabama because of course. No word on if he’s got a wife named Skylar and a business partner named Pinkman. [Buzzfeed]
The world needs more blogs pairing pictures of donuts with literary quotes, I always say. As I Lay Frying — Faulkner joke! — is just what us biblio-donut-philes need. [As I Lay Frying]
Dear Drunk Tourist,
You sauntered up to the Rome airport’s international terminal with a backpack and a can of beer, ready to check in for your flight. When no one showed up to help you (God, customer service these days!), you jumped over the counter and snuggled up on the baggage belt for a quick nap. This would have been a totally reasonable plan, except that baggage belt started moving, taking you deep into the secure mazes of conveyor belts within the airport while you snoozed contentedly. Who knows how far you would have gone or which corner of the world you would have been shipped to if security guards hadn’t spotted you on their x-ray monitors and plucked you out of your drunk suitcase dreams.
Listen dude, I’m not sure if it’s your laissez-faire attitude or the fact that the x-ray scan of you looks like an ultrasound photo of an adult man-baby, but I’m intrigued. What do you say next time you let me buy you a beer and we take a nap together?
“As he told her that he loved her she gazed into his eyes, wondering, as she noted the infestation of eyelash mites, the tiny deodicids burrowing into his follicles to eat the greasy sebum therein, each female laying up to 25 eggs in a single follicle, causing inflammation, whether the eyes are truly the windows of the soul; and, if so, his soul needed regrouting.”
This vile word concoction, penned by Cathy Bryant of Manchester, England, was officially crowned The Worst Sentence of 2012. Contestants who entered the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest were challenged to write the worst opening line to an imaginary novel. Congratulations Cathy, this is absolutely disgusting. The phrase “greasy sebum” might have just put me off food for the rest of the day. I wonder if the rest of her novel existed, if it would be a Harlequin horror where people in love were plagued to blindness by a rare breed of flesh-eating eyelash mites. That cold be fun, I’m totally entering this contest next year. There are too many good writers out there, the world needs more crappy ones. After the jump, some other worst sentence winners. Keep reading »
I’m adding this one to my list of favorite eBay auctions along with the fart in a jar and the antique anti-masturbation device. Brandon Tudor of Illinois was auctioning off bird poop that resembled Michael Jackson. When a bird shat on his windshield, Brandon claims the likeness to the late po(o)p star became obvious “after it hardened.” The full listing reads:
“Everybody has potato chips or burned crust images of the Virgin Mary… But only you will have your very own bird shat image of Michael Jackson!!! A bird pooped Michael Jackson on the windshield of my car. -Your purchase will include full windshield including bird poop image. -Are you a collector of rare and unique things? -Are you obsessed with Michael Jackson and want that unique piece no other collector will ever have? -Does his spirit live on? -The questions are endless… -Don’t get out bid on this one of a kind collectors piece!!!”
Keep reading »
If you’ve ever been to IKEA, you’ve probably wandered into one of the elaborately staged bedrooms or living rooms, plopped down on a bed or couch and pretended–if just for a moment–that you lived there. In China, IKEA customers are taking this idea to a whole new level: they kick off their shoes, tuck themselves in, and take long, leisurely naps right there in the store. Apparently this has been a normal occurrence since the furniture chain first opened in China, but it gained worldwide attention after a blogger snapped photos of people catching Z’s in a Nanjing IKEA. Click through to check out the pics, but be warned: you will totally want to snuggle into a reasonably priced bed for a nap afterwards… [Oddity Central]