A woman in Shelby, North Carolina, performed an incredible feat of strength — and a horrible crime — when she castrated a man with her bare hands. Joyce Maxine Gregory admitted that she squeezed a man’s scrotum out of his testicles (that has gotta hurt). She and the man, who has not been named, got in an argument Saturday morning. As he attempted to walk away from her, she squeezed him. Gregory was arrested and charged with malicious castration and assault inflicting serious bodily injury, and her bond was set at $20,000. Police say that when she was arrested, she pulled down her pants and peed in the squad car. Okay then. [Kait8]
Few people understand the importance of getting an order right. But Robert Wheeler does. Wheeler, of Vero Beach, Florida (of course), was so incensed by his pizza delivery guy forgetting to bring him garlic knots that he actually beat up the delivery driver. The driver said Wheeler then told him to “give that to the person working on the phone back at the restaurant.”
Wheeler has the words “Fat Boy” tattooed on his arms and weighs 346 pounds, so you can imagine how important those garlic knots were. Not sure what a garlic knot is? As Will Greenlee of TCPalm.com, the news agency that originally reported the story, explains: “Garlic knots are buttery, garlicky knots of dough — often pizza dough — that many consider positively scrumptious. Violence is not typically associated with garlic knots.” Just so we’re clear. [TCPalm]
Today in “Confusing Headlines From Iceland,” a missing tourist joined a search party to look for … herself. How does that work? Well, the woman was on a bus tour through the southern highlands of Iceland, and decided to change her clothes and “freshen up” after exploring a volcanic canyon. Apparently her freshening up routine was so effective (I might need to get some tips from this lady) that the bus driver and the rest of the tour group failed to recognize her and reported her missing to the police. A 50-person search party was formed, which the woman eagerly joined (bless her heart) after failing to realize the person everyone was looking for was, you know, her. Search efforts continued until 3 a.m., when it was discovered that the bus driver had miscounted his passengers and the missing woman had never been lost. Well, at least not in the physical sense. No word on whether the massive search party helped her find herself, in the Eat, Pray, Love sense. [Boing Boing]
There is a fine line between being incendiary and thought-provoking, and being straight up offensive. The owners of a new boutique in India seem to have gone way, way, over that line. Rajesh Shah is the co-owner of the Hitler boutique in Ahmedabad, India, and says he had no idea that naming his store after the former despotic leader of Germany would be so controversial. Shah claims he and his business partner actually named the store after the uber-strict grandfather of his business partner — nicknamed Hitler.
“Hitler was a nickname given to my business partner Manish Chandani’s grandfather because of his strict nature,” claims Shaw. “Frankly, till the time we applied for the trademark permission, I had only heard that Hitler was a strict man. It was only recently that we read about Hitler on the Internet.”
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See, this is why TV can be a dangerous, silly thing: A teen in Florida (of course) is on trial for impersonating a doctor, after a clerical error granted him a medical badge. The 18-year-old spent several days treating patients while posing as a doctor’s assistant. He’s been charged with two counts of impersonating a doctor and four counts of practicing medicine without a license. With typical teen hubris, Matthew Scheidt blames “the system.”
“Their error was putting me in apparently as a physician assistant into their computer,” Scheidt said. “Let’s even say that I said I was a physician assistant. Let’s even say that I was. Are you that stupid that you are just going to put me in the system as that, without any credentials or any paperwork or nothing?”
Scheidt was originally arrested in 2011, and confessed to the crime, but is currently trying to get his confession thrown out of court. “I messed up. I should have addressed the issue when it was given to me. I just didn’t want any questions asked, like I just wanted to learn as much as I possibly could,” he said. What would Vinnie say? (Unrelated: How was “Doogie Howser, M.D.” ever a show? The ’90s was so weird.)
After being arrested and charged, Scheidt was brought in again — this time for impersonating a police officer. [CNN]
I just love a happy ending, especially when it involves infidelity and hiding in bathroom stalls.
Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is engaged to his mistress after popping the question last week. Sanford famously “went missing” in 2009 while supposedly hiking on the Appalachian trail, but was caught by journalists visiting his Argentinian mistress Maria Belen Chapur, whom he called his “soul mate.” Sanford’s wife, Jenny Sanford, divorced him following the scandal (and penned a tell-all book) and the ex-governor and Chapur began openly dating. As bizarre as their courtship has been, the proposal was just as weird. Keep reading »