Theoretically, winning the lottery should be a wonderful thing. Who wouldn’t want $100 million in their pocket right now? But time and time again it’s been proven that all those millies can ruin even the best-intentioned, most giving, God-loving folk. And also the ones who blow their jackpot on cocaine and prostitutes. And everyone else between. Here are ten incredibly sad, more-tragic-than-Shakespeare stories where people went from gutter to glory to gutter again. Many of them went on to say (if they even survived to tell the tale), “I wish I never would have won.” Which means you there, dear reader, are one lucky sonofabitch for losing the Lottery.
Sometimes barf happens. And sometimes it happens at the most unfortunate times and in the most unfortunate places. It was pretty bad when some guy barfed on Jessica on the subway. But we see her subway barf and raise her this theater balcony barf. Last night, at the Broadway show “Grace,” some poor soul vomited over the balcony and into the orchestra section of the theater. Below is an account of the incident from one of the audience members:
Last night I was at the Cort Theater seeing the play Grace. In the middle of the show there was quite the ruckus. After hearing a loud gasp several people got up and left the theater, followed by several more. During all of this the actors carried on as best they could. At the end of the show, the cast came out for curtain calls, and just before making their call for $$ for Actors Equity fights Aids fund, Paul Rudd told us that someone in the balcony had vomited onto those in the orchestra.
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Well, for starters, because it’s dangerous and you could die like a couple in South Africa did back in 2008. Also, because you might cause train delays as was the case for a couple in Sweden who were caught doing it in a car parked way too close to the tracks.
“Often when cars are sitting near the tracks, it can be copper thieves at work or unfortunately a person who has tired of life,” the train dispatcher Mattias Hellberg explained. “It was two people who were very happy and having a little moment of passion. The driver told them they weren’t being very discrete there and asked them to get moving.”
This seems like common sense to me, but I suppose a reminder is in order. Having sex on or near the train tracks is a really stupid idea. [The Local]
When you become president, something in your brain snaps. You’re a normal person for a while, and then, as soon as you take your oath on Inauguration Day, the part of your brain that normally makes sure you don’t get too weird with sex collapses in on itself, and a new game begins. The rules are different.
And I’m not just talking about infidelity (of which at least Jefferson, Harding, FDR, JFK, LBJ and Clinton were all guilty), and I’m not just talking about regularly having sex outside (of which John Quincy “Without a Doubt Our Ugliest President” Adams was guilty). I’m talking about the weird stuff. The weird stuff. Read more …
“My girl is very sensitive and I find it very offensive when these rough strays start sniffing around her,” says Chi Sun, a Taiwanese dog owner who is thrilled about doggiepants, the undies that protect a pooch’s purity.
Canine fashion designer Zhang Daxing invented chastity pants for dogs so owners would no longer have to worry about their bitches, especially the girls of a certain pedigree who don’t mix with riff raff if ya know what I mean, getting knocked up during walks. “It is very upsetting for owners to find their dogs being attacked in the streets. These pants now make it impossible for them to be assaulted,” Daxing explained. Keep reading »