Finding love in this post-Friendster era isn’t easy. Just ask 68-year-old University of North Carolina physics and astronomy professor Paul Frampton, who was recently sentenced to five years of house arrest for transporting a suitcase full of cocaine out of Buenos Aires, Argentina, and into the United States.
What compelled the Oxford-educated scholar to freelance as a drug mule? Well, Frampton was under the impression that this valise full of toot belonged to his online girlfriend, one Denise Milani, who in reality is a bikini model who may or may not hail from some undiscovered Toontown where Rob Liefeld was elected mayor. Frampton believed that if he smuggled the drugs, he would be able to retire to a small cabin located two ticks north of Ms. Milani’s solar plexus.
But when Frampton traveled to Bolivia to meet Milani earlier this year, he was not greeted by his new girlfriend/the letter “P” made human flesh, but by a strange man and an even stranger suitcase (their respective cup sizes went unreported by mainstream media). Read more…
If you’re looking for a gift for that hairy, manly, meat-eating hunk in your life, might we suggest a tub of bacon-scented shaving cream? Sold by bacon-obsessed company J&D Foods (the same people who brought you bacon-flavored lube), Bacon Shaving Cream is a “high end, luxurious bacon-scented shaving cream for all skin types.” It’s apparently formulated with heat-activated technology that releases an extra burst of bacon fragrance when the user’s skin warms up, which means if you shave with it in the morning and then hit the gym later in the day, your face will suddenly smell like a sweaty, sizzling breakfast griddle. Sexy, right? If you want to get in on the bacon-scented action, you better buy it soon: J&D produced only 2,500 jars, and they’re going fast. True bacon lovers, it seems, aren’t put off by the company’s warning that when using this product, one should “prepare to be loved, admired and possibly be eaten by bears.” [J&D Foods via Oddity Central]
I haven’t publicly written about this yet, but … here goes. For quite a while there was a Poop Bandit plaguing the toilets at Frisky HQ. We share a bathroom with many other offices, so it was nearly impossible to identify the bandit without catching her in the act. We never found out who she was. She was stealth. Her Poop Banditry included dropping poopacalypses several times a day, rendering the toilet of her choosing inoperable and clogging up drains with the paper towels (NOT TOILET PAPER, BUT PAPER TOWELS) she used to wipe herself. She seems to have disappeared back from whence she came and the toilets have been fairly quiet, but we will not forget her and the poopstrosity she imposed upon all of us. Keep reading »
Every time in my life that I’ve had the opportunity to use a sleeping bag, I have done two things: 1) lamented its lack of leg holes, and 2) pulled the opening up over my head and realized how sublimely happy I would be if I could live my whole life in a warm, cozy tube of flannel and nylon. Femke Agema, the Dutch designer who created this wonderfully creepy snowsuit, is obviously on the same page, and now I know exactly what I want for Christmas. [Femke Agema via Neatorama]
There’s “overprotective” … and then there’s someone-get-Child-Protective-Services on the phone.
The New York City dad who showed up at his daughter’s high school, swinging a chain and padlock in the air while yelling “Who’s fucking my daughter?!” is the latter. Keep reading »