Whoa, boy. A woman in Las Vegas, Nevada, was arrested for placing a hit on her husband and charged with plotting his attempted drive-by murder. Amy Bessey allegedly contracted her 21-year-old adopted son, Michael Bessey, and a friend, Richard Pearson, to carry out the attack on Roger Bessey, but their attempt was foiled.
But here’s where things get REALLY weird.
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A gem of a story comes to us today from Florida (natch), about a woman whose rage at her cheatin’ man led her to poop. On the floor. Brenda Schumann of Vero Beach, Florida, went to her estranged husband’s home with a rifle and found him in bed with his girlfriend. She threatened to kill them both, but hubby Donovan Schumann was able to disarm her. There was a brief scuffle, and then Brenda decided to pee on the carpet in the hallway outside the master bedroom. Later, she went downstairs and pooped on the kitchen floor.
And here’s the best part: When cops went to her home to arrest her for aggravated assault and domestic violence, she allegedly told police, “I found him in bed with a naked chick. What was I supposed to do?”
Tom Finlay, a 48-year-old stone mason, experienced a miracle with a pair of 66-pound boobs. That sounds wrong; I’ll explain. The Aussie was standing in a sculpture garden next his five-foot, hand-carved statue of the Venus de Milo when an “almighty kaboom” blew her apart. The only thing that remained were her breasts — mostly intact, except for a slightly damaged nipple.
“There was a clap of thunder and the sculpture blew up like a rocket-launcher had hit it … The lightning looked like a serpent. Everything disintegrated but the breasts,” Finlay reported.
He wasn’t sure if the incident was a “sign” from above, but he was amazed. When asked what he would do with the miracle boobs he said: “I might mount [them] and hang them in my office.” Good idea, dude. Boobs prevail again! [NT News]
As we all learned last year, Chick-fil-A’s secret seasoning blend includes a heaping spoonful of homophobia and a generous slathering of bigotry. In response, the Chick-fil-A Foundation, a comedy group that parodies conservative “family values” organizations, created this fake coupon offering a free chicken sandwich to anyone who renounced their homosexuality. It’s a hilarious piece of satire on its own, with fine print stipulations like, “Offer only applies to persons currently choosing to be gay,” but when the guys from the Chick-fil-A Foundation decided to put their bogus coupon to the test, something really crazy happened: Chick-fil-A redeemed it. After the jump, check out a video of the encounter… Keep reading »
When I got my period for the first time, I cried. Hard. Just a few months before, while waiting to board to the bus to head to camp for a week, I saw a girl from my class bawling her eyes out. “What’s wrong with Becky?” I asked one of my friends.
“She got her period,” my friend replied solemnly. “She has cramps. And she doesn’t want to deal with wearing pads all week.” Keep reading »
We may not be sloth fans of the same caliber of Kristen Bell, who gets worked into a crying fit whenever she’s near a sloth. But we think sloths look damn cute in a onesie, taking a bath, or yawning. If you agree, here are some useless sloth facts to impress your friends in advance of the impending sloth-pacalypse. I made that last part up. There is no sloth-pacalypse. [Geekosystem]