Fa la la la la. Four guys, dressed at Smurfs, were arrested in connection with a convenience store assault in Melbourne. Allegedly, the blue guys roughed up a 37-year-old man because he refused to light one of the Smurf’s cigarettes. I know what you’re thinking, The Smurfs are peaceful creatures, even Jokey. They would never do that! Or maybe, Why were these men dressed as Smurfs? Inconclusive. Lots of criminals wear disguises, but those who choose to dress as children’s characters really make ya wonder. [Huffington Post]
Click through for more crimes committed by people dressed up a children’s characters. Believe it or not, there are more.
Last September, we sat at our desks, horrified but intrigued, to hear that a 25-year-old man had jumped off a monorail in the Bronx Zoo into the tiger cage. I mean, I might joke about stuffing baby pandas into my purse, but I’m not really that crazy.
Alas, David Villalobos who plead not guilty to trespassing in court earlier today, really was that crazy. Keep reading »
Despite facing plenty of blowback from wags, wonks, and politicos over the past week—such as Ezra Klein in the Washington Post—Paul Krugman is continuing his push for the $1 trillion platinum coin option to bypass the looming debt ceiling debate. (Here’s a summary of how it works.) It’s a “vile absurdity” that Congress has forced this fight in the first place, so “using an accounting trick to negate it is entirely appropriate,” writes Krugman in The New York Times. Read more…
The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:
- The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
- The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
- Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?
– The White House’s response to a citizens’ petition to build a Death Star (yes, like the one in “Star Wars”), which gathered more than 34,000 signatures, is all sorts of amazing. The response — penned by Paul Shawcross, Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget — goes on to laud the country’s many other advancements in space science and encourages the petitioners to do their part in enjoying the future, by “pursuing a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field.” And also, he says, “Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.” Best response ever, this is. [WhiteHouse.gov]
Dear Beautiful Existence [yes, that's really her name],
First of all, bitchin’ name, sister.
Second of all, I am not entirely sure you are not a Starbucks plant. But nevertheless, your goal to spend the whole of 2013 only eating and drinking food and beverages from Starbucks leads me to believe we should be best friends. Keep reading »
Dear Jason Earl Dean,
I understand that this week a judge sentenced you to four years in prison for handcuffing yourself to a woman who wouldn’t go out with you. Apparently, her Taco Bell coworkers heard her screaming, and rushed outside to find you cuffed to this woman. When they approached, you let her go. According to reports, you’d been asking her out for like, a month, so I’m sure it seemed like a perfectly logical thing to do at the time — because life is a Dane Cook rom-com. Keep reading »