Raymond Duesler of Gloversville, New York is facing sexual abuse charges for getting into a shower with a 16-year-old girl and throwing cheese at her. Of course, I know what your first question is — what kind of cheese? That detail has not been made available to the public. For some reason, I’m envisioning it being shredded cheese. Maybe cheddar. Nothing artisan. Not to make light of this abhorrent crime, I just got distracted by the cheese throwing.Why? It’s just so disgusting.
Sadly, this girl was not the only one violated by Duesler. The 55-year-old is accused of exposing his penis, showing porn to and requesting oral sex from three more underage girls. Thankfully, he is in jail awaiting trial. If there is any justice in the world, an inmate is throwing cheese at Duesler while he showers right this very minute. [CBS6 Albany]
You think you’ve heard of every kind of crime there is and then a woman tries to assassinate her husband with her vagina. According to the UK’s Mirror, a Brazilian woman, whose name is being withheld, is accused of putting a toxic plant substance on her hoo-ha and asking her husband to give her oral sex. According to reports, his life was spared because he noticed a “strange smell” emanating from down there and took his wife to the hospital to get to the bottom of her unusual odor. The tests, of course, revealed that her vagina was poisonous. Is it possible to poison your vagina without poisoning yourself? I’m getting hung up on that. Details and logistics aside, WTF, world? [Mirror UK]
Yesterday, I had dim sum and was feeling adventurous so I ordered chicken feet just because I was curious. Not exaggerating, one bite and I gagged. They were so gummy and gelatinous, I wanted to die. I felt nauseous for most of the day and into this morning. Sometimes, when I am disgusted by something, I try to find something that is even more disgusting to distract me. I found something! An upcoming episode of “My Strange Addiction” will feature a woman addicted to eating cat hair. Keep reading »
Giovanna Plowman and Dino Bruscia, a gross-out, viral video power couple, truly are soul mates. And they are disgusting. Fifteen-year-old Giovanna made a video of herself pulling out her own tampon and sucking on it. Full disclosure: I was unable to watch it. My visceral response was too overwhelming — but I did force myself to listen to it. I believe there was vomit involved. This video is so gross that YouTube and its users deemed it too gross for internet and pulled it. That takes a lot. Then, Giovanna tweeted in protest, “what i did was stupid…so what?! i’ll be on ellen, ill get verified, i’m getting money to show up at some parties!!” Would tampon sucking be appropriate for “Ellen?” I can’t even.
But never mind all the haters, Giovanna has one loyal supporter: Dino Bruscia, better known as the guy who made a video of himself eating a poop sundae. For those of you who are not familiar with a poop sundae, it’s a mixture of your own poop, sprinkles and ice cream. Happy ending time: Dino Tweeted, “me and tampin girl are married!” And I’m still single? If he’s serious, he’d better learn how to spell tampon correctly. We wish them bloody, poopy kisses forever and ever. I’ve included their very, very, very NSFW videos after the jump for those strong of stomach. Not me. [Uproxx]
Keep reading »
Dear Kenneth Guillespie,
I hate to be the one to say this to you, but it’s time to get sober, buddy. You probably already know this, but it seems like you’ve finally hit “bottom” as they say. You were found half-naked, screaming in agony after attempting to have sex with a snowman. Kenneth, let’s be real here — you almost lost your dick. If you put your penis in a snowman, you’re going to get frostbite. That’s how it works. But I’m sure you weren’t thinking clearly. Because you were wasted. (The neighbors found a pile of empties near the snowman carnage.) Keep reading »
Well, it looks like I might have found a side gig! This is an actual help wanted ad that appeared on Backpage.com. This “group” with no name “specializes in extracting key pieces of information from business leaders by seducing them with beautiful ladies.” So, this is either some heavy duty espionage or straight up sex work. Or maybe a little bit of both. Either way, it sounds totally legal. I’m kind of tempted to go on a job interview just to find out more. [Business Insider]