Dear Zachariah Dalton,
Most women will tell you that they want a man who’s close to his parents. A man who loves and respects his mother and father and has a good relationship with them. It seems, Zachariah, that you are one of those guys. The other day, when you attempted to rob a Thumbs Up convenience store in Niceville, Florida, you realized that you had no getaway vehicle. And the reason you had no getaway vehicle? It seems you have two prior arrests for driving under the influence.
Perhaps you intended to buy one with your new windfall — only the clerk at Thumbs Up didn’t actually have any money in his cash drawer, so you were left without. I suppose it’s okay, though, because according to the police, you hadn’t really planned to rob the store, you’d only come up with the idea while walking there.
So, no harm, no foul. Keep reading »
An Icelandic man thought it would be a great idea to consume an entire bottle of alcohol and begin harassing both workers and patrons on a flight from Iceland to New York’s JFK airport.
A 46-year-old man was taped and gag during a six hour flight from Iceland to the U.S after consuming an entire bottle of duty free alcohol, New York Daily News reports.
The unidentified man was reportedly spitting on others, grabbing women and harassing airline workers before air passengers intervened and subdued the man with duct tape. User Mezane posted the story on Reddit along with a photograph detailing the experience. Read more…
Katy Perry is looking particularly lovely today, isn’t she? Oh, wait. That’s not Katy Perry. It’s Emma Pickles, an 18-year-old makeup wiz from the U.K. who has made quite the name for herself with her astonishing makeup skills and YouTube tutorials. Emma once suffered from social anxiety so crippling she could barely bring herself to ask for a ticket at the movie theater, but she made good use of all the time she spent cooped up at home, teaching herself to recreate the makeup looks of trendy celebrities and iconic movie characters. Click on the gallery to see more of Emma’s handiwork, including a super creepy version of the Joker and a pop art painting come to life! [Daily Mail]
A miniature pony named Fridolin (not pictured, that’s another mini pony, sorry) that was stolen from a circus was returned safely after being missing for two weeks. The pony was taken in mid-December from the traveling Vienna Christmas Circus. Circus director Adolf Lauenburger told reporters he wasn’t interested in punishment, he just wanted the pony back. “Fridolin is the tiny star of our animal crew and works together with another horse to entertain the public. One of the great things about him is that he doesn’t have a fixed schedule – he just does what he wants and is a real natural performer in entertaining. Nobody taught him – he just seems to know.”
I love a pony that just “does what he wants.” Keep reading »
Dear 38-Year-Old Anonymous Man,
You must be dying of embarrassment right now after receiving a five-page, formal letter of reprimand from your employer accusing you of “uncontrollable flatulence” that is creating an “intolerable” and “hostile” environment for coworkers. OUCH.
Apparently, you told your supervisor that you suffered from “some medical conditions,” but he or she isn’t buying it. Your manager stated that “nothing that you have submitted has indicated that you would have uncontrollable flatulence. It is my belief that you can control this condition.” Keep reading »