Dear Amazing Outsourcer,
Most of us are guilty of loafing off on the job a couple times a day. But you, Anonymous Job Outsourcer, decided to game the system by not doing your job all together. Instead, you outsourced your tech job to a man in China, who duly toiled away while you spent the day on Reddit, checking Facebook and watching various and sundry cat videos.
You would have gotten away with it, too, had your company not noticed that someone in China was logging into the system with your VPN. Verizon was brought in to explore the mess, and after an extensive investigation, revealed that you had outsourced your entire job to China. And the best part, according to the Verizon enquiry: You “spent less than one-fifth” of your six-figure salary for the Chinese firm to do your job for you. Keep reading »
Today in “stories that easily could have been about me,” a Belgian woman set out to pick up a friend at a train station 90 miles from her home, and, after typing the address into her GPS device, proceeded to follow the turn-by-turn directions 900 miles in the wrong direction. Sabine Moreau, 67, drove for two full days, sleeping on the side of the road, filling her gas tank twice, and even getting in a minor car accident, but apparently none of this made her question the validity of her route. In fact, Moreau didn’t notice anything was amiss until she got to Croatia. “I was distracted, so I kept driving,” she told El Mundo. “I saw all kinds of traffic signs, first in French, then German and finally in Croatian, but I kept driving because I was distracted. Suddenly I appeared in Zagreb and I realized I wasn’t in Belgium anymore.”
Sabine, I feel you, girl. [Yahoo News]
Helloooo, Florida! You’re back. And with important life lessons for us. What can we learn from 53-year-old teacher, Mary Maloney? That if you’re arrested for a hit-and-run, it’s a very bad idea to offer the police officer oral sex in return for your release. Yeah, that’s only going to make matters worse, along with that empty gallon jug of wine behind the driver’s seat. It’s not looking good for Mary Maloney. There is a time and place to offer a blowjob. This certainly was not it. [Huffington Post]
Click through for more tales of oral sex gone terribly, terribly, terribly wrong.
Daniel Keeton works at a central Oregon brewery and didn’t want his dog Lola Jane to miss out on all the fun, so he created Dawg Grog, a non-alcoholic “beer” especially for dogs, made from malted barley water, liquid glucosamine, and organic vegetable broth. Lola Jane turned out to be a bit of a Grog-aholic, licking the bowl clean at every opportunity. When Keeton decided to bottle up his beverage and sell it to other thirsty canines, a thriving business was born.
Now that dogs can safely and easily drink “beer” with their owners, I got to thinking about all the other ways people can give their pets a more authentic human lifestyle. From dog weddings to luxury pet massages to paw manicures, read on to get the scoop on all the weird ways to treat your dog like a human…
How do I get this job?!?! There appears to be a whole field of neuroscience focused on studying why certain animals are cute (aka Cute Studies) and, as NPR helpfully recapped for my pleasure, one of the animals they have explored is baby pandas.
Strap on your squee-belt, because it’s about the get adorable up in here. Keep reading »
Sometimes I feel bad about wild animals enclosed in zoos. But I feel slightly less bad for Gina, a chimpanzee at the Seville Zoo in Spain, who spends her days watching porn on TV.
Gina’s TV has lots of different channels, but the only ones that this frisky primate watches are the ones rated “adult entertainment.”
Chimps are, of course, one of the closest cousins to humans; we share 90 percent of our DNA with them.
That information should, I hope, make Salon.com writer Issac Abel, 23, feel slightly better: Abel published an essay this weekend about how he came of age masturbating to internet porn and now he’s having difficulties getting sexy with real, live women who don’t fulfill his fantasies quite like those on set. Keep reading »