Tag Archives: weird news

Gina The Chimp Only Wants To Watch Porn (And Us Humans Are Rather Fond Of It As Well)

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chimpanzee

Sometimes I feel bad about wild animals enclosed in zoos. But I feel slightly less bad for Gina, a chimpanzee at the Seville Zoo in Spain, who spends her days watching porn on TV.

Gina’s TV has lots of different channels, but the only ones that this frisky primate watches are the ones rated “adult entertainment.”

Chimps are, of course, one of the closest cousins to humans; we share 90 percent of our DNA with them.

That information should, I hope, make Salon.com writer Issac Abel, 23, feel slightly better: Abel published an essay this weekend about how he came of age masturbating to internet porn and now he’s having difficulties getting sexy with real, live women who don’t fulfill his fantasies quite like those on set. Keep reading »

11 Crimes Committed By Children’s Characters

Fa la la la la. Four guys, dressed at Smurfs, were arrested in connection with a convenience store assault in Melbourne. Allegedly, the blue guys roughed up a 37-year-old man because he refused to light one of the Smurf’s cigarettes. I know what you’re thinking, The Smurfs are peaceful creatures, even Jokey. They would never do that! Or maybe, Why were these men dressed as Smurfs? Inconclusive. Lots of criminals wear disguises, but those who choose to dress as children’s characters really make ya wonder. [Huffington Post]

Click through for more crimes committed by people dressed up a children’s characters. Believe it or not, there are more.

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Guy Who Jumped Into Bronx Zoo Tiger Cage Called It “A Spiritual Thing”

Man Jumps Into Tiger Cage
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Last September, we sat at our desks, horrified but intrigued, to hear that a 25-year-old man had jumped off a monorail in the Bronx Zoo into the tiger cage. I mean, I might joke about stuffing baby pandas into my purse, but I’m not really that crazy.

Alas, David Villalobos who plead not guilty to trespassing in court earlier today, really was that crazy.  Keep reading »

Hurry, Mint That Platinum Coin!

Despite facing plenty of blowback from wags, wonks, and politicos over the past week—such as Ezra Klein in the Washington Post—Paul Krugman is continuing his push for the $1 trillion platinum coin option to bypass the looming debt ceiling debate. (Here’s a summary of how it works.) It’s a “vile absurdity” that Congress has forced this fight in the first place, so “using an accounting trick to negate it is entirely appropriate,” writes Krugman in The New York TimesRead more…

The White House Response To A Petition To Build A Death Star Is The Best Thing Ever

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The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

– The White House’s response to a citizens’ petition to build a Death Star (yes, like the one in “Star Wars”), which gathered more than 34,000 signatures, is all sorts of amazing. The response — penned by Paul Shawcross, Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget — goes on to laud the country’s many other advancements in space science and encourages the petitioners to do their part in enjoying the future, by “pursuing a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field.” And also, he says, “Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.” Best response ever, this is. [WhiteHouse.gov]

Be My Best Friend: Woman Plans To Only Eat And Drink At Starbucks For One Full Year

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Dear Beautiful Existence [yes, that's really her name],

First of all, bitchin’ name, sister.

Second of all, I am not entirely sure you are not a Starbucks plant. But nevertheless, your goal to spend the whole of 2013 only eating and drinking food and beverages from Starbucks leads me to believe we should be best friends.  Keep reading »

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