Hi there. I hope everyone had a splendid Valentine’s Day. Mine was about as uneventful as it gets. A shout out to my mom for being the only person to wish me Happy V-Day! Woot woot! Don’t worry, you are not detecting a whiff of bitterness emanating from this gal. I had a perfectly fine February 14th. But I can’t say the same for everyone. Some peoples’ Valentine’s Day bombed. After the jump, I’ll leave it up to you to vote for who had the worst Valentine’s Day. Keep reading »
Dear Johnnie Blade,
First of all, your parents clearly knew you were destined for greatness, because they gave you a name that could only befit a future porn star or Klingon sword enthusiast. I have no idea about your adult film industry experience, but you were recently arrested for “wildly swinging” a four-foot long sword in a Fort Lauderdale intersection. In your defense, you were actually observed “proudly displaying” your crescent-shaped weapon — a bat’leth, technically — and who could blame you? Klingons are the most fiercely honorable alien species in the “Star Trek” cannon, and their weaponry is incredibly impressive. (Props, by the way, to the person who correctly identified your sword as being Klingon.) jIyajchu’. [That means "I understand fully" in Klingon.] If I were lucky enough to own such a fine blade, I would want to show it off to passing motorists as well. As soon as this misunderstanding is cleared up and the police let you go, we should meet up for a couple glasses of prune juice. Hoch DIl! [I'll pay.]
yIghoSDo’ — and qamuSHa’ [Good luck and I love you],
Rock ‘n’ roller Chubby Checker is in a twist about a penis size app that shares his name. The 71-year-old musician is suing Hewlett-Packard to the tune of half a million dollars for “irreparable damage and harm” caused by the “Chubby Checker” app for HP’s Palm OS. The app has since been removed from the HP catalogue, but the previous description read: “Any of you ladies out there just start seeing someone new and wondering what the size of their member is? … All you need to do is find out the man’s shoe size and plug it in and … there is no need for disappointment or surprise.” Keep reading »
This is 51-year-old Cathy Ward. Back in 2008, Cathy started reading the Twilight books, and became so engrossed by the story that she forgot to eat, and ended up losing six dress sizes. To honor her new favorite books and her new body, she decided to cover every inch of her skin with Twilight tattoos. She’s currently almost finished with her back and arms, which include detailed portraits of Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner. “I’m still continuing with them,” she says. “We’ve got plans and designs for my legs next year – the aim is to cover my whole body.” Reaching her goal will require hundreds of hours at the tattoo shop and an estimated $30,000 on top of the $11,000 she’s already spent, but Cathy insists it’s worth it. “I’m having a blast,” she says. [Oddity Central]
The London zoo pulled out all the stops to get their Galapagos tortoises, a species under threat of extinction, in the mood to mate. They hoped that hiring French pianist, Richard Clayderman, to play his album “Romantique” would sexually arouse the creatures. No such luck.
Through “Ballade pour Adeline” and “Chariots of Fire” the tortoises “didn’t appear particularly impressed,” according to the Associated Press. They did appear to get slightly excited, however, when the zookeeper brought them carrots. Clayderman tried not to take the tough crowd too personally, acknowledging the possibility that tortoises are not big fans of “new romantic” music. Maybe they’d prefer something a bit more edgy to get it on to? Some New Order? Or maybe they’re just hitting a sexual slump. It happens. Galapagos tortoises live for over 150 years. That’s a long time to be with one mate. Here’s hoping they’ll be able to get something going on Valentine’s Day. [Yahoo]
Rebecca Gallanagh, who earned herself an ankle bracelet after being arrested for fighting outside of a nightclub, says she didn’t realize she was doing anything wrong when she decided to use nail glue to bedazzle the bracelet with diamantes.
“The lady who fitted the item said she saw a girl from ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’ who had blinged her tag, and she said I could do that … I saw pictures of it online and checked the leaflet, and nowhere did it say I couldn’t decorate it,” Gallanagh claimed. Keep reading »