In case you were wondering, and I know you were, breasts can be used as a weapon. Washington woman, Donna Lange has been charged with second-degree manslaughter for smothering her 51-year-old boyfriend to death with her boobs. This weekend, at a Snohomish County trailer park, neighbors called the cops when they heard a man screaming for a “woman to get off of him.” When police arrived, they found a drunk Lange on top of the man, “her chest was smothering his face.” He was pronounced dead on the scene. No word on Lange’s motives.
This is not the first time a pair of boobs almost killed a guy. In December, a German man narrowly escaped a similar fate when his ex-girlfriend nearly motorboated him to death. She claimed that she meant the him no harm — that they were only playing a “sex game.”
Let this be a lesson to us all, boobs, when used without the appropriate precautions, can be dangerous. [Local 12]
A Harvard professor has hatched a plan to bring back the Neanderthals—but he needs an “adventurous” female volunteer to deliver a knuckle-dragging bundle of joy. George Church, a geneticist who helped pioneer the Human Genome Project, says it is now possible to create artificial Neanderthal DNA from bone samples, put the DNA into stem cells, inject those cells into an embryo, and then implant into a woman willing to give birth to a Neanderthal baby, the Independent reports. Read more …
God bless British programming for keeping us informed of all the things we need to fear in life. BBC Four’s “The Brain: A Secret History – Broken Brains” features a woman who suffers from a rare disorder known as Alien Hand Syndrome.
After receiving a special operation to control her epilepsy in which the band of nervous fibers connecting the two hemispheres of the brain is cut, Karen Byrne found that her left hand and sometimes her left leg, behaved on it’s own, as if it were possessed. The very brief explanation is that Alien Hand Syndrome is caused by a war going on in her head between the two hemispheres of her brain. Sometimes, Byrne can’t stop slapping herself in the face, to the point of injury, with her possessed hand. Sometimes, her hand does other naughty things. Keep reading »
Middle school is rough on all of us. It’s especially rough when the administration at your middle school blames you for the sexual harassment you’re getting because of the size of your boobs. And it’s downright hellish when said administration suggests to your mother that a breast reduction might help. Keep reading »
This is Dell. Dell was working a job delivering packages when one of his clients stopped him and asked if he’d ever considered being a model. Dell did a few test shots, and soon became one of the most in-demand models at the entire agency. There’s just one catch: the agency is called “Ugly Models.” Owner Marc French, who recruits “unusual-looking” people for appearances in TV, film, and advertisements, explains the appeal of his top model: ”Dell is not a conventional good-looking boy, you know, he’s got buck teeth, sticking out ears, he’s not what people say is normal-looking, because he’s quite ugly, really. But ugly in a great way and I love his features. I mean, I think he’s quite striking.” Keep reading »
Dear Amazing Outsourcer,
Most of us are guilty of loafing off on the job a couple times a day. But you, Anonymous Job Outsourcer, decided to game the system by not doing your job all together. Instead, you outsourced your tech job to a man in China, who duly toiled away while you spent the day on Reddit, checking Facebook and watching various and sundry cat videos.
You would have gotten away with it, too, had your company not noticed that someone in China was logging into the system with your VPN. Verizon was brought in to explore the mess, and after an extensive investigation, revealed that you had outsourced your entire job to China. And the best part, according to the Verizon enquiry: You “spent less than one-fifth” of your six-figure salary for the Chinese firm to do your job for you. Keep reading »