A snake set a house on fire. Wait. Let me back up because that sounds like a snake is guilty of arson. And we all know that’s not possible because snakes don’t have arms. Except for that snake freak of nature that grew a hand and crawled across a woman’s wall. Claw Snake, you may be dead but you still haunt my dreams on a regular basis.
But the snake in this story did not have a claw. It was a regular snake minding its own business in a yard in Bowie County, TX. When the home owner saw this snake while cleaning up her yard, she freaked out, as any of us would, doused it in gasoline and set it on fire. Then the snake on fire, as any snake on fire would, tore through the yard catching brush aflame and eventually, the house on fire. The woman’s home was destroyed and a neighboring house incurred damages. And now, Fire Snake will take over as primary haunter of my dreams. [Uproxx]
It’s officially spring, but many parts of the country are still blanketed with snow. Want to cut through the slush in style? Try a toe plow, which is exactly what it sounds like: a tiny snow plow that attaches to the toe of your shoe. Apparently you can make your own toe plow with some PVC pipe and a couple of dog collars. Can you imagine if this caught on, and every morning crowds of people shuffled to work wearing little toe plows? That’s the world I want to live in. [Instructables via Neatorama]
Tea: It’s good for you, but only if you don’t drink too much of it. And by “too much of it,” we mean a pitcher made with 100 to 150 tea bags. That’s how much a Detroit woman drank each day, and doctors eventually realized that her years of back, arm, leg, and hip pains were caused by the tea habit, according to the New England Journal of Medicine. Read more…
Twenty-one-year old Eric Michael Miller of Bellingham, WA has been sentenced to 18 months in prison for burglarizing a home and shooting one of its habitant with a semen-filled squirt gun.
Natch, this sperm shooting was all for drug money. There are always drugs involved. According to court records, Miller and two unidentified men broke into the home looking for a man who owed him money, but found the man’s roommate instead, asleep on the couch. The unlucky bastard.
Miller and his sidekicks held the man at knifepoint, beat him with a real gun, at which point Miller whipped out his semen gun and squirted the man in the face, saying, “Now you’re like the rest of my bleep, covered in semen.”
Okay, I must stop writing now because I’m feeling sicksies. [GeekOSystem]
Freedom High School in Bethlehem, PA says Axe Body Spray is responsible for sending one of its students to the hospital. According to a statement on the school’s website, exposure to the fragrance triggered a severe allergic causing a student to be rushed to the hospital by an ambulance. In light of this incident, the school has decided to ban the use of Axe Body Spray on on campus.
It was only a matter of time. Because who are we kidding? Axe Body Spray smells like shit. It’s hazardous to the nose. Now, if only the rest of the world could take a cue from Freedom High School and ban the use of Axe Body Spray everywhere, I think we’d all be happier. [Fox News]
How do you solve a problem like Austin Whaley? The 18-year-old Covington, Kentucky, resident had taken to running into crowded bingo halls and shouting “BINGO!” to the dismay of local bingo aficionados.
Local police picked Whaley up last month after he and a gaggle of friends wandered into a bingo hall and began effusively shouting bingo. “This caused the hall to quit operating since they thought someone had won,” explained arresting officer Police Sgt. Richard Webster. “This delayed the game by several minutes and caused alarm to patrons.”
But it gets even worse! Keep reading »