From what I understand, one of the things that many yoga practitioners like about the practice is that it can be done by anyone at anytime. But I think we can all agree that one yogi took that a little too literally when she decided to strip down to her skivvies and started doing yoga poses on a Ocala, Florida (duh), roadway. Michele Cernak, 51, was charged with multiple drug counts after police responded to 911 calls alerting them to a nearly nude woman doing downward dog in the middle of the street. When the cops arrived, they found heroin, a syringes, hydrocodone pills and a crack pipe in Cernak’s still-running car nearby, and she admitted that she had injected herself with heroin. While Cernak looks blissed out in her mugshot, you know what I imagine is not good for your qi, no matter how much naked outdoor yoga you do? Opiates. [NY Daily News]
UPDATE, 7/13, 5p.m.: THANK GOD, this was only a hoax! [New York Post]
Brooklyn is on the hunt for Penelope, a pregnant Mexican Red Rump tarantula, who is apparently someone’s beloved pet. She escaped from her owner’s home, and flyers have turned up in the neighborhood with this plea for help:
I know she looks crazy scary, but she’s mostly harmless. She’s pregnant, so I’m hoping to find her before she has her babies. She’s mostly active at night and likes to hide in dark corners. She shouldn’t bite, but sometimes jumps when frightened. If you find her, please try to catch her and put her in a tupperware bowl with a few holes in the top for air. Then please call me and I will come get her.
I have so many questions. How many babies do tarantulas have? Where did Penelope find another tarantula to knock her up? What if her babies disperse themselves all over the city and creep into apartments through air vents en masse and viciously attack Brooklynites in our sleep?! If you live in New York and see a terrifying tiny beast chilling on the sidewalk, you know who to call. [Gothamist] [Image via Imgur]
This is the Saddest Kitten Ever, who has yet to be given an official stage name but will surely be the interwebs’ next favorite feline. Grumpy Cat may look cranky, but this kitty looks downright sad. Her human, Ashley Herring, assures us that Saddest Kitten Ever has a wonderful life of kitty bliss, but that doesn’t seem to change her permanently pouty expression. Overnight stardom has fallen into the sad kitten’s lap, with over 370,000 views of her picture on Imgur in just three days. Are those dollar signs I see in those big blue sad eyes? It’s only a matter of time before the interviews with Anderson Cooper and customized t-shirts with this kitty’s face on them turn up. Herring is asking fans for stage name ideas, and names like Bojangles, Nugget, Meowancholia, and Happy have been suggested so far. Meh, I think we can come up with something cuter than that. Watch out celebrity cats, you have some competition! [Refinery 29; Daily Mail UK]
The Mineko Club, a volunteer group in Hitachi City, Japan, is selling jeans personally shredded by animals to raise money for wildlife conservation. Lions, tigers and bears at the Kamine Zoo were given toys covered in the denim to tear into, creating a “worn-in” look. The denim was then sewn to create the pants, Zoo Jeans, which are being auctioned online through Monday. The tiger-designed pair’s current price is well into the thousands, which proves this bizarre fundraising idea was brilliant. As a person who gets beyond annoyed when I see “distressed” jeans going for triple the price because some factory machine or employee ripped them up for show, it’s awesome to see a pair of pants that were torn up in a more, well, authentic way. [Uproxx, Australia Network News]
Vaginas are not meant to be storage units. They are not meant to be purses. They are not meant to be secret hiding places. You are not supposed to put unsterilized foreign objects in them. Most of us understand these rules. But apparently Jennifer Renee Crosby of Wabasso, Florida (OBVIOUSLY), did not get the memo. Crosby was arrested for possession of crack cocaine which she had hidden inside her, you guessed it, vagina. Crosby was a passenger in a vehicle that pulled over during a routine traffic stop and when the police officers discovered the driver did not have a license, both were asked to get out of the vehicle. Crosby was visibly shaking, which alerted the cops to suspect something was amiss, and sure enough, Crosby spilled the beans.
“I have drugs inside my vagina,” she confessed. They asked her to remove the drugs, which apparently caused Crosby some discomfort. “Ouch,” she said, removing a foil-wrapped packet of crack cocaine worth $100. “The foil is hurting the inside of my vagina.” I suppose if you’re going to shove crack in your vag, it’s wise to wrap it in something, but now we all know foil is not ideal. [The Smoking Gun]
Crosby is not alone. Some women cannot be stopped from violating the terms and conditions of their vaginas. If you dare, click through to see the weirdest things women have stashed in their kitties, the poor things.
PAFU, in case you forgot, is a term coined by our dear Ami Angelowicz, which stands for “People Are Fucked Up.”
Mark Pickford, 41, from Manchester, England, has been cleared in the death of his cousin, Dawn Warburton, in what authorities believe was a “sex game gone wrong.” Yes, a sex game between cousins. Police found Pickford in Warburton’s bed in April 2013, the sheets covered in blood and her body hanging above him, her neck tied several times with his own rope, with over 30 injuries to her face and arms. Pickford claimed to remember nothing about what happened to his cousin, but did admit to having a sexual relationship with her that usually was instigated by the two of them drinking and doing drugs together. Keep reading »