Do you spend all of your free time lounging in bed? Have you always wanted to be an astronaut but are afraid of heights? Would you like to use your formidable napping skills to serve your country? Oh boy, does NASA have a job for you! The space exploration agency is planning a study to measure the effects of microgravity on the human body, and their methods are shockingly relaxing: they need people to lie in bed for 70 days. During this period, research subjects are welcome to read, sleep, play games, watch movies, videochat with friends, and even work remotely. They will be paid $18,000 for their time. The catch? You really, truly can’t leave the bed for the entirety of the study, and your mattress will be tilted head-down at a six-degree angle. That angle might not seem like a big deal, but it’s enough to shift your bodily fluids to the upper parts of your body and cause a cardiovascular reaction similar to what non-bedridden astronauts experience in space.
Think you’re up for the challenge? You’ll need to undergo a full Air Force physical and comprehensive psychological examination. “We want to make sure we select people who are mentally ready to spend 70 days in bed,” senior scientist Dr. Roni Cromwell told Forbes, seemingly unaware of the existence of Netflix. “Not every type of person can tolerate an extended time in bed.” If you believe your lounging skills are up to NASA’s standards, you can apply here. Godspeed. [Outside] [Photo of woman in bed via Shutterstock]
It’s not so unusual to have a stockpile of Hello Kitty-themed waffle irons, toasters, tattoos, and toe socks, but apparently some fans want to take it a step further. These questionably creepy contacts are oversized for anime-like effect and offer the stunning design of Hello Kitty heads swirling around the pupil, with the option of either hearts of flowers floating amongst them. Nope, not terrifying at all. While these aren’t the first Hello Kitty contacts to hit the market (previous designs were far more scary-looking), they are the first to be anti-radiation. Um, yay? There are eight different color options being sold by Fall In Eyez and I.Candy. Personally, I’m holding out for somebody to put Chococat on my eyewear. [InventorSpot]
This guy’s such a good roommate, you’d never even know he was there.
A group of students at Ohio State University were living in an off-campus home near the school for about a month before they discovered “some random guy” had been living in their basement the whole time, The Lantern reported. Read more at Huffington Post…
It’s a familiar love story: Boy pays $20,000 for a custom leather couch adorned with giant vaginas. Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl. Girl demands boy get rid of vagina couch. Boy begrudgingly posts vagina couch on Craigslist for $4,000. Sigh. No one ever said marriage was easy. [Huffington Post]
When 26-year-old Vicki Griffiths gave birth to baby Eva earlier this month, she was looking forward to breastfeeding her child. That is, until she discovered that Eva was born with two formidable, bottom teeth. Griffiths quickly changed her mind and went with bottle feeding.
“She had her mouth closed to begin with, so we didn’t notice. It was quite bizarre to see them. I had been planning to breastfeed, but when I saw Eva’s teeth I was put off. I don’t think anybody could blame me!” Giffiths told the Daily Mail. Nope, we certainly don’t blame her. Though, if you’re pregnant — or planning to be someday — don’t let Eva’s teeth haunt your nipples. Only about one in every 3,000 babies are born with chompers.[Daily Mail UK]
Blake Loates popped open a bottle of Vitamin Water recently and found an extremely upsetting message under the cap: “You retard.” The words were especially hurtful as Blake’s younger sister, Fiona, has cerebral palsy and significant cognitive delays. She sent a photo of the cap to her father, who was justifiably outraged and sent off a letter to the Coca-Cola company, which owns Vitamin Water. Here’s an excerpt:
“Fiona has had a tougher time of it. She has had 22 surgeries. She has Cerebral Palsy and still gets fed with a feeding tube. She is cognitively delayed. Fifty years ago they might have called her retarded. But we know better now, don’t we? … Imagine my surprise when I got this photo from my oldest daughter, Blake. You see, the ‘R’ word is considered a swear word in out family. We don’t use it. We don’t tolerate others using it around us. We ARE over-sensitive but you would be too if you had Fiona for a daughter!”
He included a photo of Fiona and the words, “Can you imagine if SHE had opened this bottle???”
Ready for the craziest part of this story? According to Coca-Cola, the phrase “You Retard” wasn’t a prank or a typo. It was printed on the cap on purpose. Keep reading »
Just when you thought humanity wasn’t headed down the shitter after all, novelty store It’Sugar thought it would be a fun idea to sell baby clothes with creepy sexual statements emblazoned on the front of them. Phrases like “hung like a preschooler”, “I’m proof my mommy puts out,” and “does this diaper make my butt look big?” stand out, amongst others. Gross. Young people are bombarded with the pressure to be “sexy” before their age even hits double digits these days, but now sexual jokes are starting before the kid can even walk? Not cool. These clothes aren’t just sexual, they’re also flat-out body shaming. Do we really need to be scrutinizing the size of a baby’s butt? I’m pretty positive the company meant for these clothes to be taken as a joke, but that’s how ideology takes root: it starts out as something seemingly innocuous that’s not to be taken seriously, but then all of a sudden it’s totally ingrained into a person’s thoughts and a five-year-old is crying over whether her butt looks big because she’s been wearing clothes with phrases like this on them since before she could talk. Can’t kids just be kids for half a second without having to think about their bodies? If this is a sign of the times, I’m not too excited for whatever nasty ideas people are going to come up with next. [Change.org]
Florida resident Melody Cooke had a problem. Her pet goat Happie kept trying to get on her bike while she was riding it. Worried that Happie would hurt herself, she did the sensible thing and gave her goat a skateboard to play with instead. She didn’t realize that her quick fix would lead to a Guinness World Record, but that’s exactly what happened. Happie proved to be such a talented skateboarder that earlier this year she earned the coveted record for Farthest Distance Skateboarded By A Goat with a ride of 118 feet. “It feels like a dream,” says Cooke. “I can’t believe that first of all she has a Guinness World Record, and second of all she skateboards, and she’s a goat.” [YouTube]
“He doesn’t juggle. He doesn’t twist balloons into animal shapes. He just stares,” reports the Northhampton Herald & Post. They are referring to an anonymous clown that appeared in the U.K. town on Friday the 13th and has been turning up in various locations every day since, often carrying a teddy bear. You’ve probably heard about him already because he is a viral internet sensation. His presence has inspired a Facebook fan page, which now has more than 78,000 followers, two Twitter hashtags (#northamptonclown and #clownwatch), a couple of local, clown copycats (two teens in town whose faces were “covered with large amounts of white paint” and “wearing dungarees” offered to paint a woman’s house) and a self-proclaimed superhero who refers to himself as The Clown Catcher. Keep reading »
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods … and also, try not to bite thy neighbor’s penis. Jason Martin, 41, of Kent, U.K., has been found guilty of biting neighbor Richard Henderson’s penis, allegedly “like a sandwich,” during a scuffle over Martin’s loud music. Martin must have really given it his all, because the attacker has a mouth full of, uh, only one or two teeth. Henderson’s girlfriend delivered a text message to Martin regarding the volume on his Xbox, which led to a physical altercation that left Henderson in need of stitches due to a fatal combination of soft pajamas and a headlock. Martin denied the charges tooth and nail, telling prosecutors he had just grabbed “around” Mr. Henderson. “The thought of putting a man’s penis in my mouth… well, it’s not for me. Not in a million years would I do it,” he told the court. “It was just a rat bite. I just grabbed into an area. I didn’t realize at the time it was his testicles.” [Daily Mail] [Portrait of man with angry expression via Shutterstock]