“The high-five is friendly, fun, and can lift spirits,” said Courtney Allen Curtis, a Missouri State Representative, and that’s why he has put forth a bill to make the high-five Missouri’s official state greeting. “With tensions running high in the Capitol building, the high five might be just what Missouri needs,” said Curtis, who introduced the bill, called HB 1624, earlier this week. “An official state greeting could help to break up the monotony of the day-to-day work and promote a friendlier environment between both sides of the aisle.” The plan might sound a little ridiculous (or a lot ridiculous), but I want to give Curtis a high-five for his unapologetic idealism in the face of complex political strife. Who knows how many massive rifts, political standoffs, and brutal wars throughout history could have been solved with a simple, “up top, buddy!”? [Huffington Post]
I think everyone goes through a phase where they fantasize about changing their name. For instance, when I was four, I was hellbent on becoming Ali Angelowicz, which is absurd considering how similar it is to my actual name. My mom played along and called me Ali for a week and eventually, the novelty wore off and I wanted my old name back.
Sheila Ranea Crabtree, of Licking County, OH (she declined to reveal her age, but she appears to be fully grown), is still hung up on her “ugly” birth name. “I absolutely hate it,” she told The Columbus Dispatch. That’s why, on February 11th, Crabtree will petition a local judge to legally change her name to “Sexy.”
“I wear Victoria’s Secret clothes all the time. I was like, ‘Shoot, I’ll just go for Sexy,’” explained Crabtree.
Fair enough. Keep reading »
Dear John Bitmead, AKA The Guy Who Built An Adult-Sized Version Of The Little Tikes Coupe,
When I was growing up, my youngest brother had a Little Tikes coupe car, and my other brothers and I delighted in having him drive it up to the edge of this small cliff by our driveway, and then pushing him off. He never got seriously hurt, but we thought it was so funny to watch this happy, bright-colored little car careening down a craggy hillside with our tiny brother inside, screaming, “Damn you, Dr. Nebulous (or whatever our villain name was that day)!”
What I’m trying to say is that I’ve always gotten a lot of joy out of Little Tike coupes, so when I found out that you had created an adult-sized version, that runs on gasoline and is totally street legal, well, it made me want to date you and push you off a cliff. Could we arrange something like that, please?
From “The Bachelor” to a dog’s butthole, the likeness of Jesus has appeared to believers in all sorts of crazy places. The Lord must be tired of projecting his image onto Cheetoh’s and Walmart receipts because the latest reported vision is not of Jesus, but of Yeezus. This woman’s photo popped up on Reddit this week. Well, I’ll be damned if her kneecap isn’t the spitting image of Kanye West. [Jezebel]
My mom is an artist — a painter, specifically, though she works with other mediums — and a talented one at that, so whenever I encounter a news story about some artist who is doing seemingly “controversial” or weird conceptual art that I, frankly, think is pretentious bullshit, I like to check in with her for her opinion. Which is what I did this morning, when I saw this article in the Daily Mail about an artist named Millie Brown, who swallows colorfully dyed soy milk and then vomits it onto canvas. You may recognize Brown from her appearance in a Lady Gaga music video, in which she vomits all over the singer’s dress. EDGY! But what does it all mean?
“It’s very much about timing, I find the whole process fascinating and the long meditative fast can be very inspiring. I often set out with an idea of what I’d like to create but I enjoy the uncontrollable element of my work and just go with it. … I feel my work is an expression of raw human nature, that pushes boundaries mentally and physically to create work that has true beauty.”
Keep reading »
Today in what in the ever loving holy hell: human shit was found in the hallway of a University of Alabama dorm, allegedly dropped by a sorority girl. (But there are nearly 1,000 girls living in that dorm, so it might be difficult to track down the poop bandit.) Total Frat Move received photographic evidence of the scat found (and the unlucky RA who had to clean it up) in Tutwiler Hall, an all-girls dormitory.
Now, here’s the really disturbing part: this is the second incident of non-toilet excrement at one of the university’s dorm. Three weeks ago, an anonymous dude reported that a Bama sorority girl shat on a dorm chair and wiped with a comforter as payback for a hookup gone wrong. Keep reading »
Worst case scenario: you donate your kidney to your sick husband only to discover that he cheated on you with your friend while you were recovering from the surgery.
British woman, Samantha Lamb, endured this particularly heinous form of betrayal from her husband Andy. Although Andy denies being unfaithful and claims he was merely helping Samantha’s friend Clare “train her dog” (is that a sexual euphemism?), Clare owned up to the affair and admitted “she was in love” with Andy. So, what did Samantha do? “I cut up his clothes, put them in black bin bags and left them outside the house,” she told TheMirror. Keep reading »
Anyone who’s ever read a Nicholas Sparks sobfest knows that even simple books are capable of eliciting major emotional reactions, but thanks to MIT researchers and a project called “Sensory Fiction,” books might soon be able to make you feel much more than that. Like, really feel it. Their new “wearable book” aims to replicate the feelings and mood of the book for whoever’s reading it. The book itself is lined with lights and sensors, which change based on the atmosphere of whatever scene you’re reading. But it’s the accompanying vest that’s the real game changer: it creates physical sensations to match whatever the character is experiencing on any given page: tightness in the chest, rapid heartbeat, shaking, shivering, heat, cold, etc. Part of me wants to shake my fist in the air and say, “Kids these days! They can’t even conjure their own emotional reactions to books without a computerized vest!” But the other part of me just thinks this is pretty damn cool. [Motherboard]
Meet Depot, the kindly green-eyed kitty who was almost evicted from her home of 13 years last week. See, Depot is a lovable stray who lives inside a Home Depot store in Bluffton, South Carolina. She’s something of a local celebrity and wanders around the store making friends with customers, many of whom bring her treats when they come to shop.
The store’s management had no problem with Depot either, until she recently began unwittingly setting off security alarms in the middle of the night. The company said it was time for Depot to hit the road. Keep reading »