Sometimes, when I’m deciding what to eat (or what not to eat) for lunch, I cruise for the latest food news for ideas. Last week, I told you about an uproar over lion tacos. Today, I stumbled upon some really strange food crimes. After the jump, a meat-on-meat masturbation mishap and a pickle attack! It’s all so phallic. Keep reading »
I so desperately want to tell you about good stuff in the world. Like, Joe, the retired barber who cuts homeless peoples’ hair in exchange for hugs. Let Joe remind you that humans are great sometimes. I wish Joe’s haircuts cancelled out Stephanie Redus’ attempt to unload her toddler son on Craigslist. The 29-year-old Texas mom was charged with “unlawfully intentionally and knowingly” placing her son, Conner Danger Redus, up for adoption. In an ad posted on CL on May 1st, Redus said:
“Hi, I’m trying to adopt out my three year old son. I’m not in a good place in my life and don’t feel like I can care for him properly, but I don’t know where to start. If you or know anyone who is interested in caring for him please let me know. I’m a single mom and can’t do this. Thanks, Desperate.”
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CeCe Bruce has been working as a server at an Indianapolis Steak ‘n Shake for the past two years while going to school part-time. One of the restaurant’s regular customers, who is known as Miss Jo, comes in at least once a week, and developed a fondness for Bruce. After eating breakfast at one of Bruce’s tables earlier this week, Miss Jo asked if she could leave a “ridiculously large tip” on her $6 bill. Keep reading »
Well, you really screwed this one up. You thought it’d be sooooo funny to pretend to be a baby and get in a McDonald’s-provided high chair? But you didn’t count on getting stuck in there, did you?
Cork, Ireland, police were rushed to the scene, and had to pry you out of the high chair. And dude, you were there all by yourself. Keep reading »
Each summer, around the time that it hits about 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity, I walk by the public pool at the park in my neighborhood and contemplate diving in. I ache for a cool dip. But then I see all the children in the pool and first thing I think is, You can’t go swimming, there’s DOODIE in there. Perhaps I was scarred by watching “Caddyshack” too many times as a kid. I know it was just a candy bar, but I’ve never been able to rid myself of the nagging suspicion that there is real scat in my local swimming pool. Turns out, I was right.
According to a new report that will ruin public swimming pools for you forever, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention discovered that about 58 percent of public pools in the Atlanta area tested positive for fecal E.Coli bacteria. I can only imagine that these stats are consistent around the country, which means that most kids shit in the pool. Keep reading »
When you ride public transportation you’re bound to have some unsavory seat mates. It’s inevitable. I recall riding the bus once with a man carrying a giant boa constrictor in a tote bag. That was a long ride. I’ve tried to block it out but I can’t. At least three unfortunate women taking the Trimet bus in Portland had the great misfortune of riding with Jared Weston Walter, the man arrested for ejaculating into their hair. A Trimet surveillance camera captured Walter standing behind women, pleasuring himself and releasing his special protein treatment onto their heads. Well, I think that earns him the worst seat mate award. He’s also earned some charges: sex abuse, harassment, disorderly conduct, public indecency and interfering with public transportation. Keep reading »
It’s never too early to start prepping your child to be a beauty queen. At least, that’s what mom-to-be Jenny Oliver thinks. At seven months pregnant, she’s already entered her unborn daughter, tentatively named Ella, into her first Bonnie Baby pageant.
“With my dance skills and her sister Jess’s knowledge of pageants, there’s no way she won’t win the prize for bonniest baby … It was only a tenner to enter her and I believe you should start them young. Ella will do so much better in life with all that experience under her belt … She’s only going to be three months old but she’ll have a bit of fun on the day … Walking down that catwalk with my gorgeous baby will make me feel a million dollars — even though I’ll still be carrying my baby weight and wearing daggy clothes. I hope she wins — it would be fab to have a baby sash and crown to add to the collection. I have so much planned for her.”
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OK, so no bee horror story can ever compare to the guy who had sex with a hornets’ nest and died, but this one might qualify as a distant runner-up. A couple in Utah recently bought a house, and every once in awhile thought they heard the sound of bees buzzing while they were eating dinner or watching TV. Last weekend, the couple finally had an “It’s coming from inside the house!” moment and called a bee keeper to come check it out. He cut a hole in the wall of their master bedroom and found a gigantic beehive housing an estimated 60,000 to 80,000 bees. Apparently the bees had actually been removing insulation from the wall to make room for their ever expanding hive (clever little freeloaders, aren’t they?). The bees and their hive were safely relocated, and as long as everyone avoids having sex with it, this scary story will have a happy ending. [Huffpo]
[Bee photo via Shutterstock]
You know how Adam Scott’s character Ben Wyatt on “Park & Rec” is a failed teenage mayor? Well, there’s a new mayor in town, and he’s got Wyatt beat by at least 14 years (FYI, Ben’s character was at least partially based on these kids). Meet Robert Tufts, the current mayor of Dorset, Minnesota, who was elected to office at just four-years-old.
Are the people of Dorset crazy? Perhaps. The town has only 22 people, and chooses its mayor by picking a name out of a hat. What’s on Robert’s political agenda? Based on the above video, holding sticks, riding coin operated horses, and going fishing. Sounds pretty good to us. And just in case you were wondering, Dorset previously elected in a 5-year-old. [Metro]
People who are terrified of bees, or the thought of human beings having sexual intercourse with bees, or the thought of dying, please be forewarned that you may find what I am about to tell you highly disturbing. A 35-year-old Swedish man known as “Hasse” was found dead outside of his farm this week in Ystad after having sex with a hornets’ nest. Let that sink in for a moment. Sex with bees. SOMEONE WANTED TO FUCK A SWARM OF HORNETS.
Hasse’s bloated corpse had a total of 146 wasp stings, including 54 on his penis and balls. At this point you might be thinking to yourself, OK. So this guy got stung to death. That’s awful. It happened Macaulay Culkin in “My Girl” and I bawled my face off. But how did they know Hasse died specifically from having sex with a hornets’ nest? Oh, because they found Hasse’s semen on some of the dead wasps and his pubic hair in their nest. Keep reading »