Cassandra, a 19-year-old from Toronto whose relationship recently ended, is dealing with her post-breakup reverie by photoshopping Beyonce’s face over her ex in old pictures. Her Tumblr page, Beyoncify My Boyfriend, is an ode to lost love and, most importantly, Beyonce’s badassery. It’s a gallery of her greatest times with her former man made a thousand times better by Bey’s appearance (yes, the bad quality of her photoshopping is intentional). As her Tumblr reads, “Breakups suck. You know what makes them easier? Reimagining your happiest times together with none other than Queen B.” I couldn’t agree more. Cassandra’s ex found the site and is less than pleased, but that doesn’t seem to be phasing her. She’s now taking requests from other ladies to Beyoncify their ex-boyfriends. Hero status. [BuzzFeed] [Image via Tumblr]
A 16-year-old Japanese girl described by friends as emotionally unstable has been charged with bludgeoning and decapitating a 15-year-old friend, telling police “I did it all by myself,” the Japan News reports. The body of Aiwa Matsuo was found early yesterday in the suspect’s Sasebo apartment, where she’d lived alone since April; Aiwa’s left hand and head had been cut off. Police say the unnamed suspect hit Aiwa over the head several times with a metal instrument on Saturday night, then strangled her with a cord; an autopsy today revealed Aiwa died of suffocation. The pair had been friends since middle school. Read more on Newser…
Coming to a health food store near you (maybe): legally farmed zebra meat. A food supplier in the UK has been selling Burchell’s zebra steaks, which come from farms in South Africa. You might be surprised to learn, according to TIME, that game meat, including zebra, is legal in the United States so long as the animal species is not endangered. While I wrinkle my nose at the idea of eating what is essentially a horse, the benefits of zebra meat are manifold: it’s a high source of protein and more lean than chicken. Zebra meat appears on the website for MuscleFood.com along with crocodile burgers, horse meatballs, buffalo sausages, kangaroo filets, and zebra steaks. Your black-and-white friends taste “sweeter than beef but still have a subtle game flavor.” Dig in, I guess? [MuscleFood.com via TIME] [Baby zebra via Shutterstock]
You know how sometimes you go to the hairdresser asking for just a trim, but you worry that they’ll get chop-happy and cut off more than you asked for? Well, imagine that happening to your penis.
A man named Johnny Lee Banks Jr. recently went to the hospital for a routine circumcision (in as much as getting circumcised as an adult is routine), and woke up from surgery to find that they had amputated his penis. We’re talking gone with the wind, people. Rightfully so, Johnny and his wife, Zelda, are now suing the Princeton Baptist Medical Center in Alabama for the botched job and for their personal suffering from the incident. Keep reading »
Another day, another fool trying to shove things up his butt to hide them from cops. This time, 35-year-old André Silva de Jesus was visiting his local prison in Ribeirao das Neves, Brazil, when he appeared “nervous,” and was pulled aside for an inspection. Claiming he had a pacemaker, André informed the prison guards he couldn’t go through the metal detector.
Little did cops know that they would ultimately find enough crap to rival an entire “Storage Wars” unit, all tucked away in his tush. Keep reading »
Selfies strike again.
Breanna Mitchell, 18, of Roanake, Alabama, graduated from high school this year. In June, she celebrated this milestone by traveling to Europe with her grandmother and visiting Poland. Like many teens, Breanna documented her trip on social media. Sounds like a great story so far, right? The ugh moment is that Breanna snapped a smiling selfie at Auschwitz, posing in front of nondescript buildings with the caption “Selfie in the Auschwitz Concentration Camp” and a grinning emoticon. Keep reading »
Over the course of this week, 11 families in the same neighborhood in San Clemente, California, found creepy porcelain dolls on their doorsteps. As if that in itself weren’t enough to fuel indefinite nightmares, each doll resembled a girl who lived in the house. The girls who received the porcelain doppelgangers were about 10 years old, and most of them attended the same school. The Orange County Sheriff’s Department investigated the situation and found that the culprit was a “female adult” who lives nearby and goes to the same church as many of the families. She seems to have meant well and claims that leaving the dolls was an act of “goodwill.” As the story gained attention, another parent of a five-year-old girl came forward and said wooden dolls with interchangeable clothing were left on the family’s doorstep two weeks ago. There’s no word yet whether the same woman is behind this act. So. Creepy. [The Wire] [Image via Twitter]
If sand fleas, nasty infections, and sunburn weren’t motive enough, getting arrested might be another reason to think twice about sex on the beach. A couple on Bradenton Beach in Florida seemed to think it was totally fine to get it on in full view of dozens of people, including kids, in the middle of the day. Reportedly, people watched, dumbstruck, while Jose “Benny” Caballero and Elissa Alvarez had sex for about 25 minutes. One heroic grandma on the scene got fed up and pulled out her phone to take a video of the couple. According to the epically giggle-worthy news report by Fox 13 Tampa Bay, the unidentified grandmother ”is outraged since her grandchildren saw this, and of course, they started asking questions.” Oh, I’m sure they had plenty of questions. After their first go at it, the couple laid down like nothing had happened and slept for hours. According to the grandma, ”We thought they were dead, but when they woke up, they cuddled for a while, then started into the same thing they did before.” A parent who was also on the beach called the police, who arrived to arrest the two. Caballero and Alvarez were charged with lewd and lascivious behavior and later released on a bond. [Gawker]
Last week, a man allegedly found a rusty nail in his to-go salad from a Manhattan restaurant named, appropriately, “Just Salad.” What is it about salads that attract this ickiness? It seems that every few weeks somebody finds some kind of critter or other not-so-salad-y item amid their lettuce, chickpeas and chopped tomatoes. Make sure you’re not eating while clicking through this gallery of the weirdest surprise ingredients people have found in their greens.
I’ll be honest, I happen to think that if you’re going to steal a vibrator from a Spencer’s in South Carolina, hiding the sex toy behind a baby sitting in a stroller is a pretty good plan. I mean, there’s a solid chance that when the alarm goes off as you try and exit the store, the manager may check your bag and pockets, but disturb little Jimmy as he slumbers in his stroller? Maybe not! Unfortunately for Misty Ann Lee (who was obviously born to be a vibrator thief with a name like that), the manager at this particular Spencer’s saw the eager-to-masturbate mom slip the sex toy into the stroller and was not having any of her B.S. denials. Keep reading »