Tag Archives: virginity

Dear Wendy: “No Sex And No Porn. Am I Asking Too Much?

For my own reasons — brought about through a mix of morality and contemplation about my mental and emotional needs — I’ve decided to save myself for marriage. I’m still young with plenty of time to explore relationships. I don’t expect the man I’m with to be a virgin, however, I do expect him to wait for me while we’re dating. I also don’t want my boyfriend to watch porn. It’s something I’ve put a lot of thought into, done a lot of research on, and have very strong opinions about. I have absolutely no problem with masturbation, though. Is it fair to ask a man to both not have sex with you and not watch porn? I’ve talked with my male friends, and they say it’s ridiculous. They say very few men will wait for sex, and an even smaller minority won’t indulge in porn. They say the ones who don’t are usually emotionally, mentally, or sexually stunted in some way. I know I would be very hurt and, at least on some level, unhappy if I couldn’t have both of these things in a man, but I’ve begun to wonder if it’s even possible. — Moral High Road

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What I Learned The First Time I Had Sex

It is an indisputable fact that I’m a perfectionist. I obsess over the most minute and tangential details. I ruminate on the inane. I become so preoccupied with the particulars that I lose sight of the big picture. Whoever coined the phrase, “You can’t see the forest for the trees” was definitely referring to someone like me.

My first time having sex, however, caught me more than a little off guard. Despite my best laid plans—plans that involved losing my virginity in a suite at the Ritz to someone of Jared Leto caliber—it happened spontaneously, and I had no control over the details. When my crush whipped out the condom he’d been trying to use on me for the last six months, I surprised both of us when, this time, I didn’t say no. Keep reading »

Urban Outfitters Wants Dads To Protect Sacred Female Virginity

Need a gift for your dad for Father’s Day? Good luck with that, because I’m certainly not going to suggest you buy Pops this T-shirt from Urban Outfitters, even if it’s on sale for $4.99. Although, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the retailer is rather wonkadoodle with their political and cultural point-of-view — they did sell a T-shirt in the color “Obama/Black.” While I suspect this T is supposed to be, ahem, “ironically sexist,” it grosses me out that Urban is happy to make money off of ha-ha-misogyny, but finds real social issues to be too “controversial” — they refused to sell a T-shirt that said “I Support Marriage Equality.” Lame, Urbs. Lame. [Feministing] Keep reading »

Quotable: Nick Cannon Lost His Virginity To An Older Woman And Cried About It

“I was always a little attracted to women that were a little older than me. I even lost my virginity to an older lady. …. I actually ended up crying at the end of the whole ordeal. She was in high school and I was in junior high …we were in a sleeping bag … I said we should change positions, she was like “just get off me!” She ran into the bathroom with all of her friends and they were in there laughing … I vowed from that day forward no woman would ever laugh at me in the sack again and that’s when the ‘Cannon’ was born!”

Nick Cannon on losing his virginity to an older woman — no, not Mariah Carey! — on “Lopez Tonight” [via Crushable] Keep reading »

Jenny Loses Her Virginity On “Gossip Girl” And, Of Course, It’s A Disaster

There I was, minding my own business on Monday night, when I noticed “Jenny Humphrey” from “Gossip Girl” became a trending topic on Twitter, i.e., something everyone is tweeting about. Jenny Humphrey, of course, is the precocious 16-year-old budding fashion designer from Brooklyn, played by Taylor Momsen. With her older brother, Dan, young Jenny attends a fancy Upper East Side prep school; she just wants to be accepted by the rich kids, who dismiss her as a social climber. I clicked on the trending topic and saw hundreds of tweets saying things like, “Jenny Humphrey is a ho!” and “I hate Jenny Humphrey, she’s such a skank!”

Clearly, this involved further investigation. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: How I Came To Love Lube

Sex has always been painful for me. Since the day I lost my virginity at the age of 16, having sex has hurt. The first few times the pain was almost unbearable, but that didn’t strike me as terribly unusual; I knew that losing your virginity often hurt and, frankly, I was just grateful that I didn’t bleed, which would’ve meant sneaking into the laundry in the dead of night to scrub my sheets. I knew that first-time sex would hurt, and wasn’t surprised when the second and third time hurt as well. I figured it would take time for my body to get used to what was going on, and for me and my boyfriend to figure it out, too. For something that’s supposedly the most natural thing two people can do, sex sure takes a lot of maneuvering, negotiating and post-game analysis. After a few tries, I thought, it would start feeling good. Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: 25 Percent Of Women Feel “Meh” On Getting Pregnant

  • A new study suggests that one in four women feels ambivalent about getting pregnant, essentially saying they could take or leave having kids. [Baby Chums]
  • Which may explain why women are waiting longer to have children and are more likely than ever to have them without being married. [Baby Chums]
  • Blogger Lena Chen discusses the “Rethinking Virginity” conference she planned at Harvard University and corrects those who think “rethinking virginity” means an overarching endorsement of abstinence and the abstinence movement. [Slate]
  • The murder of lacrosse player Yeardley Love has caused the University of Virginia to “consider changes to campus public safety policies and state laws to enable more information sharing between police and college administrators.” Love’s ex-boyfriend, George Huguely, has been arrested and charged in her death. [Security Info Watch]

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Dear Wendy: “Should I Lose My Virginity To A Summer Fling?”

I’m 22 years old and grew up moving around a lot so there was never a point in my life that I actually settled down in a place long enough to have a real relationship. In high school there was this guy that I liked and we were pretty close and remained friends even after I moved to another country. We are still frequently in touch and in the past three years our relationship has moved on from being friends to, well … maybe something more. Now I’m going back to the place we met for my summer vacation and he’ll be there. He’s not seeing anyone right now so I know that we’re going to fool around with each other. The thing is that I am a virgin. It’s not like I am waiting for my wedding night or anything, but I am waiting to lose my virginity to someone who would at least in that point in my life be “the one.” This guy isn’t going to be. We won’t even be together after summer. So, do you think I should just let go and go along with what happens or wait for someone who’s going to be there for me at least for some time? It’s not like I’m not ready, and he’s a great guy and we have shared a great deal (he was even my first kiss). But we’ll just be together for a month and go our separate ways again. Is life too short to wait for someone I don’t even know, when the perfect guy right now is right there in front of me at least for a month? — Restless Virgin

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Dear Wendy: “I’m A 25-Year-Old Virgin!”

It’s time again for “Shortcuts,” wherein I answer readers’ letters in two sentences or less. Sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss the burden of virginity, busybody in-law types, and burying the hatchet with an old friend. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Should I Reclaim My Virginity?”

Until recently, I was a 24 year-old virgin. In high school I thought I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, but over time I decided to simply wait for the right guy to come along who I trusted. Several months ago I started dating Chris, whom I’d had a crush on for awhile. I fell hard for Chris and decided he was the guy I wanted to introduce me to sex. Unfortunately, by the time I did sleep with him (after three months), our relationship had already started to deteriorate, and as a result, our sex life started out in a bad context. We only had sex maybe a dozen times before we broke up and he really broke my heart by doing so. Now I feel conflicted about sex. I’ve always been a very sexual person (abstinence was difficult for me, and I’d been doing things like oral sex in my previous relationships), and I enjoyed having a sexual relationship with a man. But I feel like with Chris I never got to experience sex in a loving context with a guy who cared about me, and I’m starting to regret losing my virginity to him. Maybe I should reclaim my “second chance” virginity and wait until I’m engaged or married to have sex again so that I don’t go through the heartbreak of being intimate with a guy who’s just going to morph into a douchebag. Or, do you think the problem is just that I slept with the wrong guy too soon, and that I should keep trying to have a satisfying sex life with boyfriends in the future? — Leery

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