Me: I’m sorry! It’s just not going in!
Him: Don’t worry – we can always try later…
Me: I’m really sorry! I’m just so scared! (Sobbing. Tearful search for bra.) What if this never works?
That was me and my now-fiancé during one of many abortive attempts to have sex for the first time.
For years, I viewed sex as something like the Ark of the Covenant in “Indiana Jones”: immensely powerful and great beyond belief, but if you tried to use it in an unrighteous way the wrath of God would melt your face off.
I grew up in a church which, like many churches, taught us that sex before marriage was Wrong with a capital W. To their credit, they also taught us that sex within marriage was brilliant, but still. This was a church where one of the pastors hadn’t even kissed his wife until their wedding day. We also learned that in courting situations (we were discouraged from the secular institution of dating; “courting” was the spiritually safe alternative) girls should also dress modestly because men’s thoughts so easily fall into temptation. Although a heated moment could seduce us into wanting sex ourselves, the message was that boys wanted sex and girls shouldn’t give it to them until the wedding night. A quick scan through my own experience, however – especially late at night – would have revealed that girls could feel the pull of temptation just as much as boys.The nature of that temptation was never really discussed. The few teenagers in the church were too embarrassed to ask about it; I know I was. It also didn’t help that this was a church full of middle-aged and elderly Asian people who did not talk about sex. Keep reading »
While a slew of young women (and one sex doll) are eager to auction off their virginities to the highest bidder, there are others who are holding on to their V-cards for dear life. Some even into their golden years and beyond. We honor them, these chaste few who are (mostly) proud to call themselves the world’s oldest virgins.
Valentina, Brazil’s first life-like sex doll, is being called the world’s finest Real Doll with her “green eyes, fleshy lips, full breasts and a body that inspires envy in all women.”
God, I feel solo jealous right now of this SEX DOLL that I can barely finish writing this. Deep breath.
In conjunction with Valentina’s debut at Sao Paulo’s International Exhibition of Inflatable Dolls, online sex shop Sexônico is taking a cue from women like Catarina Migliorini and is auctioning Valentina’s virginity. The highest bidder will not only get to deflower Valentina, but will also win a prize package that includes a night with her in the Presidential Suite at the Swing Motel in Sao Paulo, a candlelight dinner with French champagne, and an aromatic bath with rose petals. Keep reading »
In her new memoir, Lucky Me: My Life With – And Without – My Mom, Shirley MacLaine’s daughter, Sachi Parker, reveals some shocking information about her famous mom. In the book, there’s an excerpt about how Shirley MacLaine invited her sex therapist friends over to support Parker when she lost her virginity at age 17. According to the Daily Mail:
“Sachi says Phyllis told her mother: ’It would be a fabulous opportunity for Sachi, to have her first introduction to sex with all of us here as a support group. We could talk about it afterwards and validate her feelings.’ As Sachi flushed with embarrassment, she says her mother declared: ‘I think it’s a wonderful idea. We’re all here to help you, sweetheart.’ Once [her] mission was accomplished, we had to face the next hurdle: reporting back. We hid out in the bedroom until we heard a light knock on the door, and Mom’s voice, ‘Is everything OK in there?’”
I feel uncomfortable just reading that. I know Shirley MacLaine is deep into UFO conspiracies and New Age business, so I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that she thought it would be a good idea to throw a hippie party for her daughter’s V-card loss. But it’s still weird. Shirley MacLaine’s team is not commenting on the incident. [Daily Mail UK]
Update: Shirley MacLaine’s responded with the following statement:
“It’s a painful moment for me as a mother and as someone who values the truth. I’m shocked and heartbroken that my daughter would make statements about me that are virtually all fiction. I’ve praised her lovingly and truthfully in my own autobiographies. I’m sorry to see such a dishonest, opportunistic effort from my daughter for whom I’ve only ever wanted the best.”
How was your first time? I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess it was quick/awkward/unmemorable/unfulfilling like it was for most of us. I’m not going to go into too much detail, but I will tell you that, in my case, there was a cat in the bed with us that I had a severe allergic reaction to, which in turn gave my boyfriend a panic attack. So, yeah. It was romantical. Too bad for me — and too bad for all of us, really. A new study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that the circumstances of losing your virginity may set the tone for the rest of your sexual life. Keep reading »
So this is majorly depressing: Petter Kverneng, a teenage boy in Norway, really wanted to have sex with his crush Cathrine, though she wasn’t particularly into it. So she — allegedly — told him she’d have sex with him if he could get one million likes on Facebook. Because there’s nothing the world cares more about than the deflowering of a desperate young be-pimpled child, the Internet has helpfully chimed in with a barrage of support. The board 4chan (don’t go there, seriously), got wind of the offer and ponied up the necessary likes, so now, we suppose, Cathrine is going to have sex with Petter. The tally is currently at 1.2 million and rising. Keep reading »