I don’t know what it is about me that attracts male virgins. It could be that I’m vocal about just not giving a rat’s ass what people choose to do with their genitals (up to the point of criminality, obviously). I don’t care if people are gay or kinky or asexual or if they’ve slept with a hundred people. Not my biz. What people do or don’t do with their peens and vags doesn’t reflect on their character; the way that they approach their sexuality does (that is, preferably with respect and a sense of safety and responsibility).
So it kind of — OK, more than kind of — pisses me off that there’s a stereotype of male virgins as being necessarily not manly or masculine or cool. First of all, not having dipped your wick in a lady’s cooter doesn’t make you or not make you anything. And, of course, there’s the issue of vaginas or sex in general being transformative, as if having sex will make a man or break him. It’s a dangerous idea because it makes sex into something to be attained from somebody — sometimes at any ethical cost — rather than a fun and caring experience that two (or, hey, maybe more) people can share. Keep reading »
I was 25 when I kissed someone for the first time.
I’d met him at a local book club, and we hit it off almost instantly. Our first date started at eight p.m. and ended shortly after one a.m. Though we’d planned a second official date for the following Tuesday, we ended up hanging out every evening for the next few days. I was smitten, he was smitten, and it wasn’t long before we were A Thing.
Two months later, I moved to Chicago and we broke up. But before all that happened, before this relationship went down in the flaming ball of pain that plagues so many long distance relationships, we had several wonderful evenings together. We watched movies, went out to eat, walked through parks, and, yes, fooled around on his small loveseat in his apartment.
In the technical sense, I never actually “lost” my virginity (at least not with him). But I no longer felt like a virgin because I was now sexually experienced. And this was a problem for the culture I came from, because I had committed the greatest of all sins: I had engaged in premarital fooling around with someone. Keep reading »
What does a woman’s past sexual experience have to do with her teaching skills? Just about everything! That’s why the education department in Sao Paolo, Brazil gets all up in the ladybusiness of potential female employees. According to women’s rights activists in Brazil, as cited by The Washington Post, women are required to prove their virginity via a doctor’s note or undergo a gynecological exam to test for cancer. At the direction of the Health Ministry, the education department says they want to ensure that female hires won’t be taking any longterm leaves due to health matters, because the cervix is the only place on a woman’s body where she can get sick. Stay on top of it, Sao Paolo! We wouldn’t anyone with carnal knowledge teaching our children.[Washington Post] [Image of gynecologist's office via Shutterstock]
Well, that’s one way to get attention. Adokiye Kyrian, a Nigerian pop singer, ruffled some feathers this week when she (jokingly?) offered up her virginity if the Islamic extremist group Boko Haram would release the 200+ school girls they kidnapped back in April. She told Vanguard’s Showtime:
“This is 11 p.m. in the night and do you know what I am thinking about? Those little girls, where they are and what could be happening to them. It is just unfair. They are too young. I wish I could offer myself in exchange. They are between 12 and 15 year old girls for Christ sake. I am older and more experienced. Even if 10 to 12 men have to take me every night, I don’t care. Just release these girls and let them go back to their parents.” Keep reading »
This weekend, Washington Post columnist George Will wrote an article about sexual assault on college campuses in which he called “victimhood … a coveted status that confers privileges.” In response, survivors of sexual assault having been sharing their stories with on Twitter with the hashtag #SurvivorPrivilege. Here, one survivor shares her story.
#SurvivorPrivilege is feeling anxious and afraid over revealing truths that could possibly impact your family, career, and friendships.
#SurvivorPrivilege is fudging details about your “first time” when chatting with friends, because even 18 years after the fact, you’re too ashamed to talk about what really happened. Keep reading »
Ilana Glazer’s YouTube web series “Chronic Gamer Girl” is my new favorite thing (that’s been around for awhile but I managed to miss it until now, okay?). In this episode, the “Broad City” star goes for a stroll in a New York City park and asks a random mix of strangers about when they first had sex. The results are hilarious and sweet and at times a little awkward, not unlike, you know, losing your virginity. Watch! [YouTube]