Miracles happen when you mate extreme couponing with children’s beauty pageants. From the inner sanctum of a paper towel hoard in McIntyre, Georgia, emerges our latest “Toddlers & Tiaras” muse, Alana. Part drag queen, part Southern diva, this child knows what the pageants are all about — the Benjamins, Honey Boo Boo Child! She’ll holler for a dollar or break out her tummy if need be — whatever it takes to win that crown. But really it’s her special drink — her Go-Go Juice — that that’s gonna help her win. God bless Red Bull. If only we could get Alana and Makenzie together in one episode. I’d die of spirit animal happiness.
I’m too intimidating. I hate birthdays. I hate New Year’s. Yup. I’ve said all of these things and more. Behold, shit single ladies say. [YouTube]
It’s that time again: “Jersey Shore” infects your TV again tonight. (Itch, itch, itch.) God, I can’t wait. “Mob Wives” return to television is not making me stupid enough. The boys stopped by Jimmy Kimmel’s couch this week to talk tanning and Jimmy couldn’t resist a question about whether there have ever been any dude-on-dude “hijinks in the shower.” There haven’t yet … at least none that anyone will admit to. I guess Deena’s hookup with one of The Situation’s twins in Italy was the first, and last, slightly gay thing to happen on that show. [Perez Hilton]
Hi there. I thought you all needed to know about Ferret Legging. No, not leggings made out of ferret fur; Ferret Legging is a competitive animal sport I was previously unaware of (as I’m sure you were too). As the emcee in the video explains, Ferret Legging is when you take a live ferret who is fully clawed, fully fanged, fully awake, and fully sober (as all contestants are required to be), put it in your mouth to ignite its fight or flight instinct, drop it down your (sealed so it can’t escape) pants and see how long you can “endure”. Meaning, pray that the weasel doesn’t devour your twig and berries with its razor-sharp fangs before the judges crown you Ferret King. The longest a ferret has ever been “legged” was 5 hours and 26 minutes, a title held by the late Reg Mellor. I wonder if he was still virile after that? Oh, and also, sometimes white pants are worn during competition to better display the blood from the wounds. Period envy, eh? Ok, that’s enough. Why? Please explain to me. WHY? [Oddity Central]
Just because Michele Bachmann dropped out of the 2012 presidential race doesn’t mean we’re in the clear — there are still plenty of candidates who would love nothing more than to restrict women’s reproductive rights. Newt Gingrich was asked by a voter yesterday whether he supports abortion if the woman was impregnated via rape or incest. And what do you think Mr. Compassionate had to say about that?
No, I wouldn’t make exceptions. What I would try to do is create a program that would enable women in those circumstances to have support and help them through whatever process they needed both in terms of counseling and in terms of if they wanted to give up the baby for adoption. Keep reading »